This has been sitting on my chest since it happened, and even more now that I know the truth. 7 years ago, when I was 17, I applied for a local scholarship. It would’ve covered $45k over four years — just enough to make college manageable. I didn’t win. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to now. My brother (he’s 10 years older than me) is in AA, and part of his “making amends” step included admitting something: I did win the scholarship. A teacher he knew mentioned it before the official letter came in the mail. And because he was apparently “mad at me” (he doesn’t even remember why), when the letter arrived, he intercepted it. Told the committee I had a full ride. Lied. Took the call when they followed up. Convinced them to give it to someone else.
I. Had. No. Idea.
I spent college buried in anxiety, working side jobs, eating canned soup four nights a week. I took out $40k in loans. I still owe $35k. And he thinks this was just a “shitty thing” he did when he was younger. Like a prank. No big deal.
He’s doing “better” now, and wants forgiveness. Says he’s sorry. But every time I log into my loan account or think about the years I spent stressing over tuition, I feel sick.
What’s worse is that he seems to think this should bring us closer. Like now that he’s confessed, I should appreciate his honesty. But all I feel is betrayal and rage. I lost so much because of his petty spite. And I genuinely don’t know if I can ever be okay with him again.
I don’t know what kind of person that makes me — bitter, maybe? — but I also don’t think I owe him peace for what he stole from me.
I guess my confession is that part of me wants to forgive him one day, and part of me hopes he never sleeps easy over it.
Comments
That’s not a prank — that’s life-altering sabotage. You don’t owe forgiveness just because he finally feels guilty. He stole years of your peace, your health, and your future security. Wanting accountability isn’t bitterness — it’s basic self-respect.
He didn’t just mess with your mail — he rewrote your entire path. That’s not a “shitty thing” someone does out of immaturity, that’s cruelty with consequences. You have every right to feel torn, but don’t let anyone rush you into healing just because it makes them feel better.
burn his house down and apologize in a week saying you feel bad now. that should bring you closer, no?
Train mma and kick his ass everyday until he starts paying the money back
Part of AA is owning up to past wrongs. Another part of AA is accepting that the person that you’ve wronged may just tell them to get fucked.
You’re in no way obligated to accept his apology if you don’t want to. And you can do this in any way you feel is appropriate.
The mature thing to do would be to explain your feelings to him, whatever they may be. Tell the whole truth.
He literally fucked your life trajectory. Maybe not irreversibly so, but he definitely added years of pain and took years of freedom
He stole $45k from you and gave it to someone else.
No need to sugarcoat this with flowery words. He deliberately, maliciously, spitefully went to great lengths to steal this money from you. That money was yours. He ensured you never got a cent of it. It all went to someone else, because of him. That money was meant to get you through college. He stole that from you. He took that money away.
It’s not a prank. It’s tantamount to theft.
You had 45 thousand dollars. It was literally yours.
He knew what he was doing. This wasn’t a spur of the moment act. He planned, waited, and acted, across several instances, to ensure that money never went to you. Then he hid this fact for nearly a decade.
Fuck him. Fuck what he did. He should never ever be forgiven for this. Unless he can pay your student loans and make up for years of what you went through.
Once he can repay all that to you, then he might be forgiven. But he certainly didn’t deserve it, you’d be a fool to give in to his guilt. You get nothing from forgiving him. It’s all about what he wants from you. He is trying to take from you again. Don’t let him.
Spike his drinks with Vodka and tell him its just a prank.