I’m 23, and I’ve been struggling with this for years now. I was about to hit one year of remission, but my latest CT scan came back with some concerning finds.
I’ll have my appointment to know more next week, but in the meantime I don’t know how to deal with it. I really don’t. I’m tired. I don’t feel I have the strength to carry on. It all feels pointless, hopeless.
I mean, I’ve been struggling with this for so long, and though I still have treatment options and chance for a cure, I feel like I’m losing. I struggle to see the point of trying so hard, when it looks like it’s just going to keep coming back.
I know rationally that I have so much to live for, and I know I will go through treatment again and I will get through this thanks to my support system. I know none of us know when it’s our time to go, and that I should enjoy the present moment, and all of that motivational stuff. Right now, though? I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything looks bleak.
Maybe I should just allow myself to be sad about it, but I feel like a failure for doing that. I mean, I’m not dead yet, and I’m also not back in treatment yet, so I should just enjoy these healthy days to the fullest, right? It’s a waste to spend them moping around, and yet that’s all I did today. I couldn’t help myself. Ugh.
I just wish I could spend one singular day of my life not thinking about health at all. There hasn’t been a day like that in 5 years now. 🙁 I’m just so exhausted.
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It’s okay to take a few days and grieve. Cancer is a bitch because it steals your ability to make long term plans and goals and replaces them with uncertainty and pain. That’s unfair, and being scared and upset is a reasonable reaction.
I’d get some junk food, some sad movies, some comfy blankets, and spend a few days wallowing. Watch fictional dogs die and cry it out. Suppressing fear and sadness takes a lot of energy, and if it is back, you’ll need that energy.
Feel what is in you to feel. There are no appropriate feelings. This ducks. You are not alone. Update us.
I’m so very sorry. Many virtual hugs. Do what feels right to you. It’s ok to take time to just be sad. Or do nothing. Spend time alone or spend time with pets or out in nature or going to movies or with people who make you feel good. Best wishes.
Have you contacted an advocacy group for your cancer type? There are some for both cancer type and young survivors.
You don’t have to deal with it right now. Ignore it as much as you can, until you have more information.
There’s literally no rule that you have to deal with it right now if you don’t want to.
Rest. Do therapeutic things. Feed your soul. There’s nothing to deal with until you have concrete information that you’re dealing with something. Once you have that information, then you can go forward and make decisions. But there’s nothing to make a decision on right now.
Aw I’m so sorry, my friend.
Please, be sad. Be mad. Be tired. Be angry. Be done with it all. Cry and rage. Sleep. Cry some more. It’s not fair and you don’t have to be tough and strong about it. You’re not letting anyone down to let them see that you’re scared and tired and upset. Feel those massive feelings. What a shitty situation you’ve been stuck with.
Remember to just breathe and to eat, too. Drink some water. Have a long shower or bath. Take some walks and just look at the world and spend some time with some of your favorite people.
No need for toxic positivity or to pretend to be grateful for everything. Just be the messy human you are and let people love on you and help you through whatever comes next.
Sending all my love your way. ❤️
I’m so sorry virtual hugs. I think you should process the feelings instead of burying them or they will come later on and you will have more to unpack. If you’re open to it see if you can find a reiki person it’s can really help.
There’s no right or wrong way to feel. Whatever you’re feeling right now is valid. Give yourself permission to sit with those emotions without judgment.
It’s okay to feel sad, tired, or even hopeless at times. You don’t have to be strong every second of the day. Sometimes the most courageous thing is simply allowing yourself to feel and rest.
Do whatever brings you even a sliver of comfort, even if it’s something small. You don’t owe anyone a performance of positivity. Just be gentle with yourself—you’ve already been through so much🫂🤍
Give yourself some grace, my friend. Don’t push down on yourself to feel these things. I’m not sure what kind of cancer you have, but I imagine it’s not fun. Nobody is gonna be hard on you for being sad about it, but you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Being sad is a part of grieving, I would guess that having cancer would cause you to grieve? Idk. What i do know from your post, though, you got through kemo once. Use that to inspire confidence that you’ll get through it again and allow yourself to be sad. Hope this helps. Take it easy