So for context I’m in my 20s and I have a daughter (yes this matters). My friend is a year older than me and we went kind of went our separate ways after high school but stayed in the same state and were sometimes in contact.
Growing up he was my only friend I had outside of school. I only had like 3 in total but he was the only person I could ever call a friend outside school. We hung out a lot like every day all the way up till college. I moved away but we still spoke often. And sometimes met up.
One day he told me that he had some trouble with drugs and got arrested and I supported him furring that time giving him some money when he needed it and everything else I could because that’s my friend. Even letting him live with me for a time. Later on though I found out that it wasn’t about drugs. And by now I also have had my daughter.
It turns out that it wasn’t drugs he got arrested for and it was for actually having a relationship with a 13 year old girl and even had a pregnancy scare with her. Now this was bad. Especially given that it doesn’t make any sense. I can’t for the life of me think of a reason why he would do this he always had women around him and was always in relationships (of age) but the thing is Not only did he lie about it and stayed in my home under that lie but I now have a daughter and thinking about anything like that happening to her it’s hard to say yeah me and him are still 100% there. Because I know I would be trying to kill the person who did this to us. So I need to keep that same energy with him.
I don’t want to throw him out of my life but it’s hard to even associate with him sometimes because of what he did it honestly makes me angry thinking about it and the fact that he lied for so long and I see why he lied but it’s still something unforgivable. But then I remember that this was someone I grew up with and legitimately my only friend untill I got into college and I think that maybe it could be redeemable.
Honestly giving my situation I feel like a piece of shit for been being torn between decisions at this point.
Edits below —-
ngl reading these comments thank you everyone it made me shed a tear at the fact that I’ve even been thinking about what to do because everyone has been completely right.
I should add that we kicked him out before our daughter was born and haven’t had contact in a few months. I’m thinking about this now because he keeps calling me and trying to make contact and even spoke with my family about contacting me (they shut him down)
Thank you everyone for the advice. The answer was clear to me a long time ago it was just hard to escape the guilt of cutting off someone who used to be such a big part of my life but that’s not what matters right now especially because this is not the person I knew before in the first place. My daughter is more important to me than anything so I’m going to continue the no contact and leave it at that.