Before I start let me provide context but I (F15) am 28 weeks pregnant with my little boy and my boyfriend / baby daddy (M18) is away at boot camp and I can’t talk on the phone with him unless it’s for emergencies and as right now we can only communicate through letters.
But to vent I’m so fucking overwhelmed and stressed out. Not even really because I’m pregnant it’s more so the people in my life that I just feel so ganged up on and not protected. I grew up in this church so everyone knows me and my family pretty well. So when I got pregnant it has became open season to gossip about me. Which it’s not the reason I’m upset about like I expected it, these women are bored. But I personally I thought they would just exile me and mark me as bad association since I’ve seen them do that to other girls in my position. But it’s been quite the opposite.
Instead I feel like they decided that they feel like they should have my baby or at least bully me to give up my son to one of the better couples in our church. I have no idea why they feel so strongly about getting me to give up my son… Like there are kids in foster care that need homes so like why my kid? But I already had a few people text me about it or offering that opportunity to me. I did decline those people and those people were really understanding and respected me. But this one woman when I told her no she got so hostile with me and almost like angry because I told her I’m keeping my son.
The whole interaction with that woman has honestly made me very severely depressed for these past couple of weeks. But also just so many people thinking that I’m not capable of being mom or like deserve to keep him. Like I get it I’m aware that I’m idiot that didn’t know what sex was truly was and didn’t use protection and just relied on my BF. because I honestly thought it was people that got naked and dry humped, I didn’t know truly know until my boyfriend showed me and taught me.
But I’m at least trying to be more smarter moving forward. I’m on track to graduate high school early in December. If I keep with my assignments which honestly I’ve been trying to do as much work as possible. Because I refuse to drop out and be a statistic. But it just doesn’t matter to outside people.
Me and my mom have been fighting because of the church and these women messaging me. I feel like she’s not standing up for me, when it was her that scared me away from adoption and abortion. So her not saying literally anything in my defense or at least tell them knock it off. Instead she just turns around and invites them to my baby shower and told me to be more forgiving when those women genuinely scare me and seem like they would do something crazy to get my baby.
I tried to open up about how I’ve been feeling in therapy yesterday and I told her how I do miss my boyfriend and that I miss feeling protected by him and that he would never let things go the way they were going. Ofcourse she made it so weird and implied that my attraction to my boyfriend is because he fathers me. I don’t have daddy issues I knew my dad and I loved my dad and the time I did get to have with him I’m so glad I did He’s just no longer alive. So she pissed me off too.
I’m just so sad and I feel like I’m getting so much outside attention and bad energy and it’s driving my anxiety so up. I don’t even want a baby shower honestly I just want to be left alone.
Comments
That’s a hell of a situation
Honey, you can still have daddy issues even if your father died suddenly
I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I’m assuming you’re white. A white newborn is considered the most desirable child to adopt. They don’t want foster kids because they’re almost certainly going to be older, browner, have trauma, and the goal of foster care is to reunite the kid with their birth family.
None of that is your problem. They are bullying and harassing you to cut the line and snatch a premium baby.
No one is entitled to parent a child. Their story can be sad, but it’s not a reason to take a child from its loving birth parent.
Modern American adoption isn’t about doing what’s best for the child. If it was, they would first offer resources to the birth parents to give them the best chance to succeed. But private adoption agencies can’t profit from helping people. They only profit by trafficking babies away from their desperate birth parents to sell them to needy adults.
Adoption is fraught with problems. Check out resources by adult adoptees like Red Thread Broken, Harlow’s Monkey, and Dear Adoption if you want to know how adoption harms the children it’s supposed to help.
You are pregnant at 15, what the fuck?
Turn your phone off. Your 18 year old boyfriend shouldn’t have slept with a 14/15 year old! He is as much of a problem as the women at the church!
Do you have any family that aren’t religious and in the church? If so reach out to them! Tell them what’s going on and that you need help. Because you do
Stop going to church. They’re behaving in the most unchristian manner.
Next one that messages you tell them you had an abortion but you’ll keep them in mind next time
If you’re in the USA, he could get in trouble with the military for his age.
Block everyone on your phone who bullies you about giving up your baby.
Young friend, I’ve never been in your position, but I’m wondering if you know and trust any adults besides your family and church community. I’m concerned that while you have what you need, physically, and are provided for, and that your boyfriend has intentions of providing for your child, you are very young for your age and vulnerable.
You’re going to be a mom, and what your boyfriend did is statutory rape. That you were unaware of what he did to you is not the usual norm for someone of your age. Most kids are given the sex talk by their parents when they start puberty.
Would you reach out to a trusted adult outside of your family and church? Someone you think will listen? Do you have local youth centres or child protective services?
I say this with love, and as a mother myself; you need to grow up and fast. You’re not only protecting yourself anymore, but your baby.
I’m sorry, that you are in this position, truly. But no 18 year old should be having sex with a 14/15 year old child. You didn’t even know what sex was! Regardless of your feelings for him, he has taken advantage of you.
How would you feel, 18 years from now, if your son came home and told you he got a CHILD pregnant? Because I’m sorry, that is what you are.
You need to tell teachers, police, doctors, anyone who listens that people are trying to harass you into giving up your child. You need to speak to your local child welfare officers or social services, and put in place ways to protect you and your baby.
Possible options:
Talk to the head of your local church.
Explain that the ppl from church keep bombarding you with messages, and won’t take no for an answer, and stopped being respectful a long time ago.
Explain that you ‘feel this is the path God has laid out for you, and you will not be taking the easy way out. You very much want this surprise blessing, and you would really appreciate if ppl from church could support you, instead of harrassing you, demanding your child’ (it doesn’t matter if you see it that way, or not. But just telling a church representative to get his followers to back the heck off, will probably just result in getting lectured. If you speak ‘religious speak’, and show that you have looked to God for an answer in keeping your baby or not, they’ll be more inclined to help you)
If you’re up for it, ask to make a public announcement like this in church, yourself, if the head won’t do it for you. Or find another adult that will do it for you. (This gives your message a ‘seal of approval’ from your church, and it’s another reason for the nasty ladies to stop harrassing you)
Use your phone settings to block / mute any unknown number.
With muting, the messages still come through, but you won’t get a notification, and they go straight to your spam folder. The sender won’t get a notification that you blocked them, if you just mute.
On the other hand, blocking could be more effective, as they’ll know you can’t be reached. They will definitely go through your mother, though.
In no way is it normal for a 15 yr old to be bombarded with text messages from adults that are not her family.
If you can’t get out of the baby shower, make a speech at the start of the event. Thanking every guests for their support, in you keeping this precious baby. In a very sugary sweet way, you can tell them to piss off with demands for adopting your little one. But really, seriously, keep it so sweet that no one would call you a brat. Not even the nasty ladies.
I’m guessing, since your boyfriend is at boot camp, that you plan to join him, at some point. By then, you’ll be rid of all those nasty women.
If that’s not the plan, look into plans for after the birth.
You’re graduating early. That’s so awesome.
Keep up the good work.
Don’t let the nasties get you down. And feel free to block each and every one of them, and to remind them they are harrassing someone that is underage.
At some point, to talk to the local police about it.