So my cousin is breaking up with her partner and they currently live together. It’s quite messy between them, has been for a long time, and she will be staying in our home until she finds a new place.
We have a guest room, but since it is usually used for just one or two nights, it’s not very cozy. Should I let her decorate it herself?
Should I encourage her to do normal chores, like laundry and cooking, or just do them myself like usual?
And then the money-question, should she pay for her own food, a part of our rent or something?
Tell me what would you do in this situation/what would you expect if you were her?
Comments
honestly, let her decorate if she wants to, it’ll help her feel more at home during a tough time
It depends on how long you can or want her to stay.
If you ask for rent then I would say you want her to stay for more than a month.
If you can maybe sit down and let her know you want her there and want her to feel safe and welcome.
You also want to ensure you are all on the same page.
You know it takes time to heal and she can stay for a month or two and it would be great if we can kinda all pitch in and give her the basics about the home routine and life.
Maybe tell her about any special habits or routines you have.
Tell her after a month it would be helpful if she could pitch in for utilities and give her a shelf for her food so it isn’t expected you share food.
If you let her stay and don’t have the convos there will be tension. There always is, even if it’s a sibling or a best friend.
I think it’s really great that you’re letting her stay with you, especially when she’s going through something so rough.
Long term, these are things you should be thinking about, but I’d give her time to settle in first, especially before encouraging chores and asking for her to contribute financially.
Given she needs to find a new place, there does need to be a conversation about that in the future, but rushing into it as soon as she moves in is likely going to make her feel like a burden and as if she’s getting in the way. I’d maybe give her a couple weeks if you’re in a position to do so without it being detrimental to you.
As for personalising the space, I would maybe ask her if there’s anything she wants you to get for her before she moves in – like a blanket in her favourite colour, favourite snacks, etc, to help her feel welcome and comfortable.
I wish you and her the best of luck, OP <3
It’s really awesome of you to do this. Since the guest room isn’t decorated, you might as well let her go to town if she wants to. It will make it feel more cozy for her and for you as well after it’s gone.
I wouldn’t push hard conversations on her immediately. But at the same time don’t wait to discuss things like chores and rent until she starts getting into habits and patterns that might annoy you. It’s good to get ahead of these conversations. It’s easier to start the conversation like “since you’re going to be here for a while how do you want to handle the household stuff like chores and laundry? Do you want to do your laundry separately? Should we just clean the kitchen after ourselves when we use it or would you want to cook together and share the cleaning responsibility” etc. If you wait long enough for her to leave things messy to have this convo it will end up feeling more like a confrontation with resentment rather than a chill conversation.
I had this exact situation happen. Set expectations now so there aren’t hurt feelings later. That’s my most sound advice. Let her stay for a short term, maybe a week, and then chat about it and what everyone is feeling. Then you set ground rules for living permanently, if it works for everyone. Again, I stress everyone in the living situation.
Your a good cousin, she’s lucky to have you