I (25F) have a coworker (26M) who texts me pretty much every day. Our conversations are usually about career goals, personal concerns, or sometimes just sharing memes. He’s also suggested grabbing coffee a few times, but I have always steered it toward group hangouts with other colleagues rather than one-on-one.
I have known this coworker for around two years. He knows I have a boyfriend of over four years, while he does not have a girlfriend. We also have lots of mutual friends, and I am also always open with my boyfriend about the conversations I have with my colleague.
But I’m starting to wonder if this level of communication is normal for colleagues, or if I’m crossing a boundary into emotional cheating. What’s a normal level of texting between coworkers of the opposite sex?
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I don’t text with any of my coworkers period, same opposite gender. Consider setting clear boundaries and enforcing them.
They just sounds like a coworker who is also a friend. 🤷♀️
If it’s making you uncomfortable ask him to stop but it seems pretty benign to me.
It’s great you’re focusing on professional growth together, but don’t forget to draw boundaries clearly and consistently.
Have you told him how you feel? Have you told him “please stop asking to meet one on one, i have a boyfriend”?
If not, you should, make it clear to him you are not interested
it you have and he continues, then why do you keep him around if he clearly disrespects your relationship?
Unless he’s done something to indicate he doesn’t respect your relationship, I don’t see any issue with texting a colleague of the opposite sex.
I have multiple text threads with my male colleagues. Text almost daily (not all day every day, but we exchange a good 5-20 texts depending on the day).
We get coffee, go out for a drink on occasion, grab lunch. They know I have a boyfriend and my boyfriend knows them and has met them. It’s not an issue whatsoever.
Is he texting late at night? A lot at weekends?
” Our conversations are usually about career goals, personal concerns, or sometimes just sharing memes.”
You opened the door to this which proves my opinion that coworkers should stay “coWORKers” meaning you interact with them while at work. Like others have stated I have never understood the desire to make people from my job “friends” OUTSIDE of work, I have my own life and friends for that. Shut it down and back off from interacting with him.
Normal is what you find appropriate.
I have a married male coworker and I’m single. We text all the time. It’s usually kiddo pics in exchange for puppy pics, or stupid work memes. Put in the energy you’re looking for. I expect my coworkers to keep it to the level they find appropriate for their own relationship.
I wouldn’t call it emotional cheating, you are not emotionally invested, you are very up front with your partner and are not hiding anything… This goes nowhere near emotional cheating, it sounds like this coworker might be socially dependent on you, yes he has other friends but maybe you’re just easier to be friends with, id tell your coworker.. hey we’re friends but I don’t have the bandwidth for social interaction RN or something
Zero.
Zero is the normal amount of private communication with a colleague.
What you’ve grown is a friendship so he feels entitled to the private time as well.
just do not answer. let him send you memes and texts. and when you see him the next day and he asks why you didn’t answer “oh, BF and me where hanging out and i didn’t want that to get disturbed.”
Or you’ll be a bit more forward “the texting is getting a bit too much, so i put the phone on do not disturb after work.”
I don’t text coworkers. I am not at work to make friends and it’s best to keep things professional even if you are cool with someone.
If you’re texting and talking about non work related stuff, you’re friends.
Yea that’s pretty sus
Texting daily isn’t something most straight men will do with any friend no matter how close
>What’s a normal level of texting between coworkers of the opposite sex?
Scheduling stuff, work gossip if it’s juicy – so like once / twice a week
If you’re wondering about it crossing a line then maybe that’s your gut telling you something? Although how you described handling the situation sounds fine to me – as in suggesting group hangouts and being open with your own partner about it. I have a male colleague who I text most days and share memes, he is married with kids and I have a long term partner. It’s very clear to both of us that we are nothing more than coworkers that get along though, we might share lunch break together sometimes but we’d never make plans to hang out outside of work. We’re both just someone easy to work with that makes the job a little easier. So if it feels like that to you then I reckon it’s okay.
It depends on the nature of the chats.
Sharing memes, job stuff, that kind of thing is fine. Personal concerns is a bit different. If you’re emotionally venting to him, talking about your relationship, and you feel that you can only express certain things to him in particular, that’s emotional affair territory. The timing of the texts can be indicative as well, when is he sending them?
Does he have this sort of relationship with other women? Has he ever said anything about his feelings towards you? Remarked on your appearance, that kind of thing?
Even if you’re keeping it professional or friendly, what could be problematic is that he’s not dating anyone because he’s interested in you. He’s getting enough out of that friendship and will try to leverage it into a relationship at the first opportunity. He’s essentially pausing himself for you. Granted, that’s his problem, but I wouldn’t want to be stalling someone else. I also wouldn’t want someone to be getting relationship energy from me in that kind of way.
YMMV and everyone’s relationships are different. What does your boyfriend think about it?
It can go either way, but I’d guess he’s into you.
If I’m a single guy and I have a few friends options to grab coffee with, I’m not texting someone’s girlfriend for a 1 on 1 over and over
It’s not normal. Your co-worker wants to bed you and is trying to gain your trust. Steer clear or you won’t be in a relationship with your bf for much longer.
Personally I don’t think it’s appropriate for your work colleague to text you outside of work hours.
Do you talk to your boyfriend about the amount of time you catch up with your coworker? Show him some of the texts?
If you are not developing romantic feelings and you would be happy to share with your Boyfriend then I don’t see the problem
I literally don’t text coworkers unless it’s work related, and even then it’s only if I need to switch schedules, or I missed something and need them to relay a message. Some people have work friends that are also personal friends, but that usually goes both ways, and if it’s not mutual then it becomes weird.
I used to be very close with a coworker of the opposite sex. Zero attraction on either side. We didn’t text outside of work. We chatted in the office, sometimes grabbed lunch, any messages were generally on teams and work related. However, I think acceptable is what you decide is ok for your relationship. I’d make sure he knows the boundaries and cut things off if he pushes those.
I mean at this point, it’s gone on long enough.
Tell him, you don’t want to be in a 1 on 1 setting with him. It’s a boundary on you and your significant other share. Unless it’s specific to work, why be 1 on 1.
Secondly, having Platonic Relationships with coworkers is normal & fine.
I work mostly with women, so I’m used to it. However, you (yourself) have to set boundaries that define how far your friendship goes, details you’re able discuss, and the time spent around one another. There are lines, as a man, I will not cross out of respect for their Husbands or SO’s.
For a select few, we get along great at work; chat & joke constantly. However we talk mostly at work, I only message them memes or gifs outside of work. I don’t need to care about anything else, that’s why they have a significant other.
They have their Marriages/Relationships, & I’ve determined that I don’t need to talk to these women outside of work majority of the time. For some of their partners, it can be worrying. Everyone experiences a little fear, possible jealousy, & I certainly don’t want to be the one to contribute to it!
However, I also do my very best to introduce myself as quickly as possible. That way, other dudes know who I am. I’m just a new brother to their wives, that’s all I ever want to me.
Group texts are great. Protect everyone.
It’s normal till you are not having any second thoughts,the moment you have second guess I think that’s the high time to draw some boundaries