My dad chose his wife over me…yet again!

Hey y’all, hope you’re doing good. I just needed to vent because I feel like absolute shit right now, full of guilt, frustration, and sadness.

So tomorrow is my late grandpa’s birthday. Ever since he passed in 2021, it’s been tradition for my dad, his mom (I don’t call her my grandma — for reasons outside this post), and me to visit his gravestone and honor him. I was really looking forward to continuing that tradition, planned to buy some cute flowers and everything. But here’s where things get complicated: my dad’s current wife (aka the woman he cheated on my mom with) is suddenly joining us tomorrow, unannounced and unplanned. If you want more context about her, I’ve shared some things in past posts. But to sum it up: she’s manipulative, intrusive, and deeply disrespectful. She exposed her relationship with my dad on my 16th birthday, completely destroyed my family, and has done things I’m not comfortable being around — like messing with voodoo (which I personally want nothing to do with, NO THANK YOUUU). I’ve had zero interest in meeting her, and my dad knows this.

Earlier today, my dad texted to confirm plans for tomorrow. I said I’m still in, as long as she’s not there — something I’ve been clear about from the get go. A few hours later, he calls and goes, “Hey, so she’s actually coming. Based on what you said, you’d only come if she wasn’t, right?” I confirmed that’s still true. He replies, “Okay, then I guess we’ll see each other next week.”
I got upset. I told him I’m not available next week because I wanted to seem busy. Because seriously — why is he prioritizing this woman, who’s never even met my amazing grandpa, over me, his daughter, who has no way to visit the cemetery otherwise (I don’t get my license until next week)? The plan was for just the three of us, like it always has been. He could’ve said, “We can go separately, I’ll pick you up after, we’ll still honor him together.” But no. She just has to be included, prioritized, and picked. We always have to hang out AFTER her drops her off at work. Have one hour to hang out together because he has to picked her UP from work. It’s like she’s doing it on purpose tbh.

She gets everything from him. He’s basically her Uber driver (she refuses to get her license at 55), buys her whatever she wants, and meanwhile barely sends child support for my brother — even though he completely wrecked that relationship too. And now he doesn’t send me anything, because he’s “no longer obligated.” That’s true however I can’t imagine being in his situation and not knowing my child’s financial situation and not giving my kid money when I make TRIPLE what her mom makes.

I just feel so, so guilty. Like I’m dishonoring my grandpa — the only good person from my dad’s side of the family — by not showing up. I want to honor him so badly. But I also need to respect myself and my mom by not lowering my boundaries just to make peace with someone who’s caused so much harm to me (I was severely depressed) and to my family.

To be clear, my dad has been trying for months to get me to meet this woman. I’ve stood my ground and said fuck to the nah. And honestly, I’m the only one of his kids who’s still on speaking terms with him. My half-sister and brother completely cut him off because he’s repeated this same cycle twice— marrying women, leaving families behind, talking shit about the kids, and pretending like nothing happened. I’m the only kid who he’s never said shit about, probably because I look like him and he’s obsessed with it. Always discriminated my brother for looking like my mom and not him.

So I know he’s trying to manipulate me with this casual “we’ll just see each other next week” tone — as if it’s no big deal — but it feels like a betrayal. I feel like I’m the one carrying all the emotional weight here, and I’m just drained. Anyway, thanks for reading. I really needed to get that off my chest. Sorry if this is much. I might try to talk with him next week about how I feel… but right now, I just feel sad and guilty for missing a moment I wish could’ve been peaceful and respectful.