I’m 19. I walked into my dad’s office in our house earlier today to ask him a question about a baking tray, as I was cooking. I thought he was napping. His skin was a bit yellow and his hands purple, and I immediately knew something was off. I couldn’t wake him up. Called 911, he was dead. I’ve never seen my mom in such anguish.
I’m at a bit of a loss. He’s never gonna see me graduate his alma mater. Who’s gonna walk me down the aisle when I get married? Anytime I close my eyes I see his body.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for specifically. Just any advice from people who have gone through something similar, perhaps my age, would be great. Money isn’t too much of an issue, as my mom works and has a nice job + our house is paid off.
Thank you
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Hi op, I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I know it’s rough, and it’s going to be for a while. Don’t rush the grieving process or the healing process. Both will happen in due time. You may want to seek counseling at some point as this is a very traumatic experience for most and they could provide professional help if needed. Make sure you keep your health up though, keep eating, getting proper sleep, etc.. he would want you to keep taking care of yourself. I wouldn’t say I’m the best at comforting people, but if you need someone to talk to I’ll gladly listen. I should probably add that I’m 17, so not far off from yourself, but I’ve lost a few people myself, and this is the advice I can give from my own losses. I hope it helps you some
Sorry for ur loss
I’m so so sorry for your loss. My father passed away as well, and recently my step father, and I would never wish that pain upon anyone else. Just know that he is so, so proud of you, and he is still watching you from above. Let me, or any of us, know if you need anything, okay? My absolute strongest condolences to you and your family 💔 and please make sure to take care of yourself, and let yourself grieve ♥️
I watched my Dad die when I was 16 when you feel up to it counseling really helped me. You’re definitely not alone. It will get easier with time, and you’ll start remembering the good things and not the bad.
I chose to bless someone I was close to without any daughters to walk with me when I got married. It wasn’t him but I knew he’d want his missed opportunity to be used for good.
Honour his memory. Remember the good. Focus on your studies to honour his memory. He would want you to be happy, fulfilled, successful. Celebrate his life, mourn his loss, remembering grief is the price we pay for love. Look after your mum, do things to keep her busy.
If you like his best male friend, get him to be the wedding day stand in to honour your dad’s memory, when the time comes.
Oh man I am SO sorry. That’s so damn hard.
Grief is funny in that it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. So for now, my advice is to just be really sad for a while. Know that you couldn’t have changed this scenario. Lean on your friends and family. It’s OK to be mad and it’s ok to need alone time. Just take care of your self and don’t make any big decisions for a while.
Sorry for your loss :/
I lost my dad a couple years ago to cancer, he raised me as a single parent so he’s all I really had. We never really had the best relationship other than the last few years of his life. That being said, time really does help. The pain will linger but over time the tears won’t come as often.
I really hope you get the support you need and you can commemorate him somehow.
My condolences OP
I lost my dad at 21, the year after losing my grandma-his mom. I found him in bed. It’s so god damn painful and I’m so sorry you had to walk in on that. It’s been 4 years and I still can’t get the image out of my head. You’re very well off though. In my position, after he died my entire life was destroyed. My mom couldn’t even hold on and passed a year later.
You have to speak to someone about It. Even though you have a support system it seems, you should speak to someone. Therapy will help with grieving.
My condolences, I wish you the best.
All I can say, out of experience, is that you’ll be in shock, then a great deal of mental anguish will hit you all at once, the sting will go away but the dull feeling of sadness will always be in the back of your mind. I’m not going to say “It’ll be okay” but things will be different.
The thing I remember the most was the white/yellow fingernails. To this day, I still see them. 😞
Sorry for your loss! Tragic for sure! I’m sixty years old and can still hear my mother’s scream and I jumped out of bed to see my dad dead in his bed. I was 18 then. I don’t want my kids to see that of me
I lost my dad at 14. Although I didn’t find him, I can empathize with your feelings. You freeze. Don’t speak. Maybe cry a little bit after. The third week afterwards was the worst for me, it’s when it really hit me. There will be ups and downs, but do your best to stay by your mom’s side. You need each other, and you’re now a team. Moreso than you were before. Each day gets better, honor him and you will heal.
My condolences, stranger.
Lost a parent when I was close to your age. I also found their lifeless body. It’s so hard, even now 15 years later those memories still haunt me occasionally. But like someone once told me, the fact that it hurts so deeply is because you love and care about that person. In other words your pain is a testament to your love, which is what a parent craves most from their child. It’s a bittersweet silver lining. Make sure you and your mother both attend therapy, please don’t skip that step.