My dad was barely there for me growing up. When he did help, he always made sure I knew how much it cost him. Now, in his mid-50s, he has moved to another country, has a new wife, and just had another child.
I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s having a kid at his age feels really weird to me. It’s not just that he wasn’t there for me, but now it’s like he’s starting fresh and moving on without any regard for the past. For some reason, it’s affecting me a lot more than I expected, even though I’m not entirely sure why.
I’ve been pretending to be okay with it, but it just feels forced and awkward. I’ve started ignoring his calls because I don’t want to deal with the uncomfortable conversations.
Would you cut him off completely, or do you think I should talk to him about how I feel, even if I can’t fully explain why it bothers me?
Comments
Do you think he would be receptive if you tried to talk to him about it?
it’s not fair but life isn’t fair.
what do you specifically want? for him to abandon his new family? for him to apologize to you?
it’s not easy but sometimes you gotta suck it up and do your part.
be a good son/daughter and you’ll never have to live with the guilt of doing the opposite. that doesn’t mean that you have to force yourself to talk to him or whatever – but at least being receptive can go a long way imo.
I think you are thinking of this through a lens of why does that child deserve a present and attentive parent when I didn’t. The real question is do you think he has change at all or will this child just get the same treatment that you got but constantly because hes around more for them. This might not be a me vs them issue but more so another victim of his horrible parenting and lack of care.
I don’t know any of you obviously but he may have taken till his 50s to get his shit together and while thats not fair, life rarely is. All you can do is keep moving on with your life or try to repair things with your father through conversations etc and have a relationship with your half sibling.
best of luck.
You can only deal with the reality of the situation as it is now. Nothing can change your childhood, the new baby is here now it is your half brother/sister and only you can decide if you want a relationship.
It is totally understandable you are hurt if your father was not there when you were growing up. Maybe now is the time to be open with your Dad, “glad you are getting a second chance at a family, just wish I’d had you around more when I was growing up”. It doesn’t have to be an argument, you can also ask if he has any regrets about you growing up.
Even if he says sorry, it won’t change the past, but you will have at least opened up the fact it hurt.
That sucks. Do you feel like hes replacing? Or that you are left out of this new life? Or that he is being a better father to the new kid? Either way your feelings are valid. It’s doubtful anything was done to harm you and more than likely he feels guilty and terrible and is trying to erase his mistakes by hiding in another country with a new family. Speak to someone about the feelings cause they can overwhelm you and stay a long time. Attempting at talking with your dad if you are both open to it can help too. Even if it’s just regular talks on the phone. Set boundaries about what you do and don’t want to talk about. I hated hearing about my dad’s “new” kids when I was growing up, when I got older I realized he was trying to help me bond by bringing them up and i have a better relationship with my half siblings as adults.
I wouldn’t cut him off dramatically, but there’s nothing wrong with dropping the rope