So. This post needs a trigger warning for SA,DV and child abuse.
This is a tough post for me to make but honestly I really need the advice and support as my family is extremely dismissive and not open to conversations about this topic. I’m going to try and make it short but some back story is needed here.
As a child I grew up in a very white picket fence type life. Married parents, dinner all together every night ect. My dad was always known as the cool guy who got along with everyone. He had to boys ( my half brothers) and me. They would come over every weekend until I was about 9 then they disappeared. They were 15 and 18. At that age I didn’t get any ins on the drama. This ties in later. Around 12 my mom went on a long term trip and I was left alone with my dad for a month. During this time I was awoken to him looking/playing with my underwear. During these moments I would pretend to continue sleeping because I genuinely had no clue what was happening. The next two years my friends stopped wanting to come over saying my dad creeped them out. At this point I was in a group of bad friends. Doing drugs and drinking a lot.
At 14 My dad started to become more and more violent with me and my mother. He was cheating. My parents split up with an extremely violent divorce. My brain blanks a lot of it out.(probably from being high/trauma) during the divorce my dad had come to get some things packed up. I went out to the deck to see him and my mom standing there. He started going off on me for being the reason they’re getting divorced due to my drug problems and being disrespectful. I snapped. I started screaming everything at him (this was the first my mother had heard of anything) I used harsh words including paedophile. I smashed his stuff he was packing up. And walked out. I’m not sure where I went but I didn’t go home for a couple days. This was the last time I ever seen my dad.
When I went back home my mom was wasted. Crying screaming at me that he isn’t that type of man. He never could be and I was a crazy attention seeking drugged up teenager. Family heard about what happened, called police and when they showed up I told them I lied and to leave (I didn’t lie I just did not want to deal with all of this) none of my family besides my mom speaks to me now over this. At 17 I reached out to my brothers to understand what happened. Why did they disappear. Well pretty much exactly what I have told you all. They couldn’t stand the abuse they were enduring. Unfortunately that was the last time I spoke to them as well as they want no part of my dad and I’m an identical version of my dad.
There’s the back story. I’m 22 now have 2 daughters. Got myself together and am breaking all the generational trauma. They are thriving happy little kids and for me. I graduated high school late with 2 kids. And now in 2 weeks im graduating university. I am so unbelievably proud of myself all the sleepless nights and crying moments in the shower were all for this. I have come so far all by myself. Well 4 weeks ago a guy turned up at my university. I noticed the logo he was wearing was the same company my dad works for and my stomach dropped. He kept starring at me. He knew who I was as again u can’t miss how identical we are. I talked to him. He said yeah… I work with your dad daily awkwardly and we left the conversation at that.
I didn’t at this point think he would know anything personal. One week ago my baby daddy let me know he was now also working with my dad. He was mortified and had no clue this would happen. He was super uncomfortable and didn’t know how to tell me that everyone at work knew EXACTLY what happened to me. My dad has been telling everybody he works with “what I had done to his life and what I accused him of” I wanted to puke. This field is fairly small. Everyone knows everyone. That’s why the guy in my school kept looking at me weird. My baby daddy did say, almost everyone at work does not like my dad and they do not believe him and agree that he is creepy and feel bad for me.
So now I guess I’m just here because what the FU@K????? Why would he be telling everyone this??! Why ??? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want everyone I work with to know me as that girl who’s dad…. You know? I worked my ass off to get where I am. And yet I feel Like he has this weird power trip over me all over again. I know there’s nothing I can really do now besides keep my head up but ugh. This sucks
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: So. This post needs a trigger warning for SA,DV and child abuse.
This is a tough post for me to make but honestly I really need the advice and support as my family is extremely dismissive and not open to conversations about this topic. I’m going to try and make it short but some back story is needed here.
As a child I grew up in a very white picket fence type life. Married parents, dinner all together every night ect. My dad was always known as the cool guy who got along with everyone. He had to boys ( my half brothers) and me. They would come over every weekend until I was about 9 then they disappeared. They were 15 and 18. At that age I didn’t get any ins on the drama. This ties in later. Around 12 my mom went on a long term trip and I was left alone with my dad for a month. During this time I was awoken to him looking/playing with my underwear. During these moments I would pretend to continue sleeping because I genuinely had no clue what was happening. The next two years my friends stopped wanting to come over saying my dad creeped them out. At this point I was in a group of bad friends. Doing drugs and drinking a lot.
At 14 My dad started to become more and more violent with me and my mother. He was cheating. My parents split up with an extremely violent divorce. My brain blanks a lot of it out.(probably from being high/trauma) during the divorce my dad had come to get some things packed up. I went out to the deck to see him and my mom standing there. He started going off on me for being the reason they’re getting divorced due to my drug problems and being disrespectful. I snapped. I started screaming everything at him (this was the first my mother had heard of anything) I used harsh words including paedophile. I smashed his stuff he was packing up. And walked out. I’m not sure where I went but I didn’t go home for a couple days. This was the last time I ever seen my dad.
When I went back home my mom was wasted. Crying screaming at me that he isn’t that type of man. He never could be and I was a crazy attention seeking drugged up teenager. Family heard about what happened, called police and when they showed up I told them I lied and to leave (I didn’t lie I just did not want to deal with all of this) none of my family besides my mom speaks to me now over this. At 17 I reached out to my brothers to understand what happened. Why did they disappear. Well pretty much exactly what I have told you all. They couldn’t stand the abuse they were enduring. Unfortunately that was the last time I spoke to them as well as they want no part of my dad and I’m an identical version of my dad.
There’s the back story. I’m 22 now have 2 daughters. Got myself together and am breaking all the generational trauma. They are thriving happy little kids and for me. I graduated high school late with 2 kids. And now in 2 weeks im graduating university. I am so unbelievably proud of myself all the sleepless nights and crying moments in the shower were all for this. I have come so far all by myself. Well 4 weeks ago a guy turned up at my university. I noticed the logo he was wearing was the same company my dad works for and my stomach dropped. He kept starring at me. He knew who I was as again u can’t miss how identical we are. I talked to him. He said yeah… I work with your dad daily awkwardly and we left the conversation at that.
I didn’t at this point think he would know anything personal. One week ago my baby daddy let me know he was now also working with my dad. He was mortified and had no clue this would happen. He was super uncomfortable and didn’t know how to tell me that everyone at work knew EXACTLY what happened to me. My dad has been telling everybody he works with “what I had done to his life and what I accused him of” I wanted to puke. This field is fairly small. Everyone knows everyone. That’s why the guy in my school kept looking at me weird. My baby daddy did say, almost everyone at work does not like my dad and they do not believe him and agree that he is creepy and feel bad for me.
So now I guess I’m just here because what the FU@K????? Why would he be telling everyone this??! Why ??? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want everyone I work with to know me as that girl who’s dad…. You know? I worked my ass off to get where I am. And yet I feel Like he has this weird power trip over me all over again. I know there’s nothing I can really do now besides keep my head up but ugh. This sucks
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Can you get a job and live elsewhere? Leave all of this behind.
What happened to you does NOT define you.
Congratulations on your college degree! Proud of you! Best wishes!
I’m also a CSA survivor. I just want you to know that your reputation isn’t the one he’s ruining. You’re not the one who should be ashamed here, and what he did to you isn’t a secret you should carry for him. This isn’t your ruin or your demise. You are the one who has the right to stand with your head high, not him. You are the one who has done life right for your kids. You’re the strong one here, and many of us stand behind you in every step you take.
This is horrid.
I hope you will have a life full of blessings and joy.
I’m not sure how correct it would be if your partner did say ‘it’s true’ if your dad and what he did is spoken about at work.
I hope your dad will go away for good.