My dad needs heart surgery but doesn’t want my mom to know. I’m stuck in the middle and don’t know what to do.

r/

My dad was recently told that he needs heart surgery. It’s not optional—it’s serious. But he’s afraid of the risks and doesn’t want my mom to know. He says she’ll worry too much or pressure him to go through with it before he’s ready.

The thing is… he’s already going to have the surgery soon. And I’m the only one who knows.

I feel like I’m carrying this secret that’s too big for me.

If I tell my mom now, and everything goes fine, my dad might never forgive me for going against his wishes. But if I keep quiet and something goes wrong… I don’t know how I’d live with myself—or how my mom would feel knowing I kept it from her.

I’m torn between protecting him and being honest with her.

I don’t know what the “right” thing is here. Has anyone else been through something like this? What would you do?

Comments

  1. Equivalent_Quit666 Avatar

    well he’s classic tough man, he doesn’t want to make your mom worry. respect his wishes.

  2. ExistingNecessary993 Avatar

    Your dad is a moron. What if he dies during surgery? Then you are the asshole who has to explain why you didn’t tell her. No.

    Tell your dad he has three days to tell her or you will do it. Do not discuss this. Just straight up tell him. Repeat “Three days, dad”, if he tries to argue with you.

  3. Justan0therthrow4way Avatar

    I’m not sure why he’d say that to you and expect it to be kept a secret.

    Assuming you are an adult, I’d ask him to make sure his affairs are in order before he goes ahead.

  4. VoidWalkersEyes Avatar

    I would feel very betrayed if my husband didn’t tell me he had HEART SURGERY

  5. DJfromNL Avatar

    Tell your dad honestly how you feel. “Dad, I love you and I don’t want to betray your trust, but equally so, I love mom and I can’t keep this big a secret from her. What if something happens to you and I didn’t say anything?! She’ll never forgive me, and neither would I. I don’t want to go behind your back and tell her, but you need to tell her now. It’s better that she hears this from you”.