Last night, me and my parents were watching a TV show that involved a woman denying explicit services in exchange for housing. My dad scoffed at this.
He said something about it being an exchange and you can’t back out. I explained that a person can remove consent at anytime. He then says “if I’m paying for something like your food, I’ll be damned if you don’t put out”. After I heard that something clicked.
I never understood why I hated when men paid for dates. How I would rush to pay for my coffee or meal. It was 80% pride and 20% fear. I never wanted a man to feel like he owns me or that I owe him for spending money and now I realized why I think like that.
It’s because of my dad.
Comments
I pay 100% of the time not because I believe I’ll be owed something in return but because I’m afraid that my mom will appear out of nowhere and slap me for not being a gentleman and thanking a lady properly for her time. (My mom once slapped me when she saw me walking down the street with a girl and she was on the curb side lol)
Oof. Sorry kid
You need to tell your dad that he’s disgusting to think like that
I always pay for what I order because sometimes I also like to get something to go for lunch the next day. Plus it sends a clear message – I don’t owe you shit and I am not for sale.
This is why I have never, ever let a man pay on a date.
I’m genx, and the way your father acted was the way it was BACK IN THOSE DAYS. In those days, I always paid my share because of this. It was unusual to do this, but the alternative was a hell no from me. That way of thinking is fkd up. Your dad is wrong, and I’m so sorry you had to hear that crap.
Ooof yuck.
Honestly, I feel relieved when I pay for it. It gives me the agency to cut them off immediately if I’m not interested, as I owe them nothing and have provided them with something.
Oddly, it takes the business aspect out of the exchange for me. I feel at ease to be myself and feel more comfortable. I don’t feel like I need to prove something, like be entertaining, in exchange for a meal and time they’re sharing with me.