I apologize if this is rushed but I’m hiding in the bathroom right now. I’m closeted gay in a Muslim family and my Dad has been making me go to this class in our local mosque and it goes terrible. I get yelled at and barely thought anything. I keep avoiding going because it’s horrible and my Dad always has a bold reaction when I don’t go. There’s more details I should mention but again, can’t really. Today he got furious at me and my mom and shattered my phone and my mom was sobbing earlier. I’m using an iPhone 8 right now that they don’t know I have and I’m hiding in the bathroom right now. I don’t know what to do. I would run away but I have a great life apart from all this and I don’t want to throw it all away. I’m really good at bottling my emotions and I would cry but I can’t or they’re gonna know. I also never have time to cry because when I’m in my room I almost never get time to stay there and I get called downstairs. I should go downstairs soon or he’s gonna know something’s up but please if anyone has any advice it would be great. btw I’m 14 but don’t worry about talking to me like I’m 10 or something because I’ve heard and seen it all. I’m gonna check this phone soon but again any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My Dad shattered my phone because I didn’t go to the mosque
r/Advice
Comments
Also I may add that if I’m vocal to him about anything that is wrong with the class, he will get more mad
Sadly sounds like you need to go to the classes and do what’s expected and when you can get out of the house safely, you need to do so.
What nation are you in?
Hey. I’m bisexual and there is nothing wrong with you. My advice to you is to play pretend. Your father and the culture surrouding this hatred of gay men is called patriarchy. It predates religion, in fact. You must navigate your life as if you are a hostage negotiator. Do whatever it takes to appease your captors until you can escape.
In an ideal world my advice would be to be yourself and find people who appreciate you for you etc etc.
But being realistic – youre 14, and a roof over your head is more important than living your most authentic life for the next few years. Sorry 😬 I know it’s not the most inspiring or cheering advice but honestly? I’d say just play along with the mosque stuff for now, keep your head down, and plan so that you can get independence as soon as possible once you’re an adult.
I’d love to think that your parents would come round with reasoned discussion and time but if they’re at smashing things up already then you need to take into account your own safety first and foremost.
I’m sorry I was in a similar spot at 16 though, you said not to sugarcoat so honestly the only advice I have for you is to play along. You are too young now to go against them, if everything else is good besides this then keep them that way by listening to them whether you like it or not. Just do it because it is what will keep your life peaceful for the meantime. Keep your grades up in school, aim for a scholarship so you can have a chance to leave the house straight after high school and get out the house for college. Good luck, just try your best to avoid conflict, stay ahead of the expectations that they have for you and things will hopefully play out well for you.
You’re strong as hell for even writing this. Keep that backup phone hidden, and when you can, talk to someone safe — a teacher, counselor, anyone. You shouldn’t have to bottle this up just to survive at home.
And for what it’s worth — being gay isn’t the problem. The way you’re being treated is.