Hi, I’m a 16-year-old girl. I’ve always tried to be really responsible—I get good grades, don’t go out much, and I’m usually home unless I’m at school or work. I don’t even post much on social media, just pictures of my cat or books I’m reading.
Last night, I was in the shower and came back to find my phone slightly moved. I didn’t think much of it until this morning, when my dad asked me about a conversation I had with a friend over text. It was nothing bad just venting about how stressed I’ve been but I never showed that to anyone. That’s when I realized he must’ve gone through my phone while I was in the shower.
It just… felt wrong. Like, I’m not doing anything sketchy. And even if I was, isn’t the point of trust giving me the chance to come to him first? Now I just feel like I have no privacy. I don’t even want to use my phone around the house anymore.
Comments
You sound like a very thoughtful and kind person
Your father’s behavior is completely unacceptable and inappropriate.
I say this as a father to a daughter of my own.
Are you able to password protect access to your phone?
That’s a massive breach of trust he found nothing yet broke your privacy. You’ve earned space and respect not surveillance.
That’s really unfair you’ve done nothing wrong. You deserve privacy and trust, not suspicion
Yes, generally this is pretty uncool. My cell phone is very personal…..I don’t want anyone going through it. However you’re still a minor living with your parents and their rules apply, especially if they are paying for your cell phone.
I’d have an honest conversation with them and just tell them you feel like it’s a violation of your privacy and you’d like them not to look through your phone. If they want to reserve the right to do that then at least make them be honest about it. At least then you’ll know to delete everything that you don’t want them to see
At 16, I am living at home with your dad and your dad paying for your bill. He is 100% in the right to look thru your phone and make sure you’re being safe. I wish I had been more involved in my daughter phone. I thought my wife was, and my daughter at 19 had a 6-year relationship and moved off to Texas. I dont mind she of age just would of better prepared me Andy wife had i known she was on an online relationship.
I‘m sorry, that‘s not okay on several levels. Parents should only ever go through their kids‘ phones if they suspect something really really bad is going on (like something that is putting their kid or someone else‘s safety at risk).
The fact that he talked to you about it though is good because at least you know now that he‘d do something like this. You can protect your phone with a password (and don’t use biometrics, they are easy to get around with a picture of you or something).
But more importantly, you should probably talk to your dad about how his action made you feel. I don‘t know what he is usually like, but it‘s possible that he meant well and didn‘t realize how damaging going through his kid‘s phone can be. That’s not an excuse though, what he did was still very wrong.
I hope he is receptive and understanding. When explaining your side, try to focus on your feelings and don‘t throw out assumptions about why he did it, etc. (that‘s just a general communication tip, it‘s always good to do that when you‘re upset at someone to facilitate a productive conversation).
What was the reason for him going through your phone?
Yes its really shitty of him.
But its his job to keep you safe. Im guessing that you don’t pay for your own phone. So he has the right to see what you are doing on it and are being safe doing it.
My parents always said bc they paid for it they could. Just keep a look out, it’ll always make you feel awful. But as the owners of the phone they technically can, I’m sorry.
You are a child, a parent has every right to check up on you. You say you can be trusted so you should have no problem with a parent randomly verifying that. There is a really old fashioned way to maintain privacy if needed and that is to talk to people in person.
That feels really unfair, especially since you’ve been responsible and honest. Privacy is important, and trust
I’ve never done it to my kids. That said if I needed to, I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s my number one duty to protect my child and kids do stupid things. Lord knows I did more than my fair share of stupid stuff.
It’s not not your phone (unless you paid for it and the service) it belongs to them.
All that said, It would take a very, very long time to rebuild trust after something like that. He should have just asked you.
Only if needed, A smart parent would just pull the logs from the carrier and not say a thing about unless possible danger lies ahead.
Some parents are just narcissistic assholes. So keep that in mind.