I posted this story before, i deleted the old post, and posted this as an update.
I (27M) was in a relationship with a coworker (27F) for about 3 months, but we were friends for a year before that. The relationship had its ups and downs mostly around our financial situation but we genuinely cared for each other. We even tried to find better jobs together, but nothing worked out. Eventually, she told me she couldn’t continue the relationship because of the financial situation. I didn’t want to break up, but I respected her decision and let her go.
Right after the breakup, she became really cold toward me. She avoided me at work, outright stopped acknowledging me, and started loudly laughing and joking around with a male coworker. She ignored any attempt I made at small talk and once told me our relationship felt like a “hallucination” to her. That really hurt. I took that as a clear sign to focus on healing and give her space.
About a month later, I started talking to someone new. I wasn’t looking for anything, but we clicked. She’s smart, kind, and things naturally developed between us.
Fast forward to recently, my ex and I started having light, casual conversations at work again. Nothing serious. But once she found out I was seeing someone, she flipped. She called me a liar, said I never truly loved her, and that I moved on “too fast.” She told me I faked my feelings during our relationship and accused me of breaking her trust. She even tried to rewrite the breakup, saying it was mutual and that I gave up too easily.
I brought up how cold and distant she had been right after the breakup, and she claimed it was her way of “making it easier” for me to move on.
Later, she apologized for treating me poorly during that time, said she never meant to hurt me, but still doubled down on the idea that I lied about my feelings and said she’ll never forgive me.
I’m honestly confused. I didn’t cheat. I respected her decision to break up. I gave her space and did my best to heal. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.
So… what’s going on here?
Any honest insight would really help
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Can you explain to me why in the hell you are still dealing with her?
Block her..she has no jurisdiction over your life. Shes your Ex.
It really doesn’t matter what she thinks. You know the truth, and if she doesn’t believe it, that’s on her, but again, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to defend yourself to her. You’re not in a relationship.
You’re learning now why conventional wisdom will suggest that you don’t shit where you eat. So just continue to be professional at work, but otherwise you shouldn’t really be in contact. If she continues to act unprofessionally to the point where it impacts your job, then escalate it to your boss/HR. Hopefully it doesn’t need to come to that. Good luck.
>“making it easier” for me to move on.
Props to her, it worked.
She’s doing this because she’s the main character and if you’re not falling over trying to win her back, then that tiny bit of her brain is telling her that she’s not worth you falling over trying to win her back. The other part of her brain that is convinced she’s the most awesome person who ever lived thinks that by putting you down, she’ll convince herself that she really is superior. Or maybe she’s just an asshole who likes to be right and is jealous that you’ve moved on while she’s still trying to reign in the next coworker.
Whatever her reasoning, who gives a fuck? Stop wasting time, energy, and pleasantries on someone who has shown they are not interested in you but for this mind game bullshit.
Leave that drama queen behind. Don’t talk to her if she continues to mess with your mind. You moved on, keep on moving.
At this point, you don’t have to talk to her or have anything to do with her that doesn’t involve work. So don’t. Who gives a shit what she likes or wants because she made her decision and now she’s upset that she has to live with it.
She is called an ex for a reason. Don’t stay in touch.
All of this over a three month relationship?! She’s unhinged. She’s 27. You were just getting to know each other and possibly not in love yet. Block her everywhere and don’t talk to her without others present and only if you absolutely have to. This is why you don’t date co-workers.
Stop dating coworkers
She’s trying to make you carry her guilt baggage. Forget her and live your best life. Low contact at work and only work related stuff. And do not be afraid to go to HR if she presses those boundaries. Jealous people can be unhinged. Remember the adage of a “woman scorned”.
Keep seeing the new girl. Your ex is trying to manipulate you into being the villain. She broke up with you.
Exs are exs for a reason.
Why does she need to forgive you? Why do you need her forgiveness? She’s your ex. My advice is to refocus this energy into your actual relationship and stop talking to her about this. Does the woman you’re seeing know that you are still entertaining your ex?
She’s trying to manipulate you for her own ego.
This is why we shouldn’t date coworkers. It created unnecessary drama at work. You two are no longer together so there’s no need to worry about her feelings about you moving on.