Me and my ex had been dating for a few years prior to this. To make a long story short, my ex and I were having a discussion about our future. I realized recently that I know I’ll want kids someday- not immediately, but someday. My ex thought she would never want kids. We talked about it and decided to break things off.
After a week or so, though, my ex texted me and said that on reflection she could see herself having kids someday. She asked to get back together. I said I couldn’t at this moment; I don’t want to feel like I’m emotionally blackmailing someone or forcing them to live a life they don’t want to be in a relationship with me. I said I’d need more time, because I couldn’t fully believe that’s what she wanted at this moment.
I feel like I made the most rational decisions. My only problem is I really, really love her. Our relationship had its bumps but I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying I’ve never been happier than I was with her in my life, and I’ve never met someone I’m so compatible with on every level. This breakup has been incredibly hard, and that’s made it even harder for me to think clearly and make decisions I can trust. Which brings me here
It’s been a few weeks since we had that last conversation and I haven’t been able to feel better at all. I really want to be with her, but I have genuine concerns that if we rekindled our relationship now, assuming she’s even still willing to, it would be an unhealthy shadow of what we had before. I haven’t reached out to her, but I just feel very lost and hollow.
If anyone has any advice or insights I’d really appreciate it. Thank you in advance
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I say this with all the kindness in my heart: stay broken up. She’s probably also reeling from the breakup and is convincing herself she wants kids because she’s missing you and the relationship. Kids are an absolute dealbreaker when one partner wants them and one doesn’t. Go through the pain of the breakup, but stay broken up. Block her if she keeps reaching out. It sounds cruel but it’s the only way both of you can truly move on. In the next couple of years, if she does a true deep reflection and realizes she wants kids, then sure you could get back together then. But now is not the time