I (31F) just went through one of the most painful experiences of my life with my ex (30M). We were together for 4 years and I spent 9 months living in his city. We’ve been broken up for almost 2 years now.
For 3 of those 9 months, I became his testing patient so he could graduate as a dental hygienist. I completely put my own work and income on hold during that time, sacrificing about $18k USD. Without me, he probably wouldn’t have graduated – he had no one else to be his testing patient. I even missed out on a trip with my friends to be his testing patient.
Two weeks ago, he reached out saying he wanted to reconnect. He flew to my country to see me and finally admitted he had cheated on me twice during our relationship – once emotionally (sexting/nudes) and once physically, with the same girl.
I was blindsided and shocked. After confessing, he told me he wanted forgiveness and a future with me. He said all the right things -how he’d changed for the better, wanted a life partner, and wanted to fix things with me. I told him I’d only consider it if he moved to my city short‑term and we went to therapy together. He said he was seriously considering it.
But when he went back home and talked to his friends, he completely changed his mind – saying his feelings were just “guilt and familiarity.” This, after telling me he’d spent 2 years thinking about reaching out and that he was sure about wanting a life with me.
I asked him for financial accountability for the $18k I sacrificed to support him while he was cheating. He refused, saying it wouldn’t “help me” and that it would just “decrease his bank account.”
I spoke to his mum and even his mum said it makes sense for him to take financial accountability. But my ex still refuses to do the right thing.
And if you’re reading this – you know exactly who you are. This is the mess you created, and the person you chose to be.
Would you consider financial compensation fair in this situation? How do I let go when he’s walking away with zero consequences?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This is so common. Men will use women to get through schooling and leave when they’re done, usually debt free while the woman is left to clean up the mess. Legally (take this one a grain of salt) there’s little you can do to him. You willingly spent the money on him.
This was a very expensive lesson to learn.
His testing patient? Ugh, was it painful? What a jerk, don’t give him anymore chances, and you’re just going to have to write off your financial loss, he’s never going to take accountability. Block him and move on, you deserve so much better.
I think it was a very poor decision to sacrifice your career for a man you aren’t married to. A very expensive lesson to learn, but I don’t think you’re going to get very far getting that money back. I’m sorry!
This guy is a 30 year old loser! Not a man! Move on and block him everywhere.
He is a manipulative jerk. He just came to unload his guilt on you, a selfish move.
Of course if he was fair he would compensate you, but you cant expect that from a guy that has this type of behavior. “It would just decrease his bank account” ahahahah yeah genius thats how transfer out works…
I hope you hire an Etsy witch to curse him