My ex accused me of harassed her when we broke up and said that “she didint really think that I harassed her but her friends did” so I’ve been thinking that is she right or wrong to this day.

Sorry for not putting a flair already if I had to add one, I couldnt find any for my venting. Also English isnt my native tongue so if I failed to explain the situation properly you can tell me and I’ll try to explain better.

For context I (21M) dated C (22F) for a couple of months. Everything was moving smoothly and great for both of us in the first month or so. We were each other first relationship, but we really didn’t have any sexual advancement besides a make out that didn’t go further. We started our relationship a bit fast, we met at a event and in couple days we set up a date, which leads us to commit ourselves, at least try to, a long-term relationship.

As I said before, as it happens in every other relations, our first times were wonderful except one underlying problem. Now see, I’m a touchy lad, whomever with romantic interests or with friends and relatives when I like someone I want to feel comfortable with ’em; I hug, shake hands, et cetera. So, naturally for me, I want to feel her. Not necessarily with sex, which I want to but not the only thing I want, but hugging and kissing is more than enough for me. And I’ll admit that since this is also my first try to commit myself a long term thing, I want it bad. To my luck, she didint want any of this physical connections, which I can see through and also understand the reasons. C comes from a highly religious family, her mother is in a islamic cult-like system, and she raised with oppression and intimidation. For her family, their daughter cannot have a bf or even hold hands, otherwise she’ll go jahannam and burned in hellfire forever. So, also naturally, she was shy and uninterested about holding hands or kissing in any places. At one time we had to plan which district can we act normal and which we have to act like strangers or friends and from the beginning, I had a problem with that secrecy.

But I knew that I cannot force into something she doesnt wanna, so I repeatly asking her about her shyness and lack of passion about me and state that I can try to work it out with the current state or at least have a right to reconsider things with her for if I can or cannot do it with this state. She insisted that she wants to break this uninterested state or hers and that I dont need to reconsider things. But as the time passes, I realized more and more that nothing did change for her and she continued her behaviors.

I get it that its confusing as hell. Im also struggling with rationalize it. She does not want to even hold hands, but she makes out with me? What the hell, right? What I observed and analyzed the past so far is this: She does want to make physical contact with me as long as she feels it. She expects me to read her mind to whenever, whichever, whatever, wherever she wants and she does not want. And if I failed to sense that so, even the slightest, she get mad at me and says I was actually pushing her. Then she starts to build up resentment towards me and if I kissed her more or less than what she wanted, she starts to push me around her and gets cold with me. Than lastly I ask her thay if she really is uncomfortable with me being touchy and doesnt want at all, I want to reconsider things due to not pushing her into something she doesnt want to and also for I feel bad about myself. Then she starts to act affectionate with me again and the cycle continues.

I realize that what I do is a mistake, I shouldn’t expect her to decide what she wants, she clearly cannot make sure of it, and its better that I leave because we both deserved better. But I wanted to believe her promises and statements that she also wants what I want and she’ll break this, so we continued for a while. Then we started arguing over either whenever I disagree with her for even tiniest of matters or that both she expects me of demanding something and she dont do anything for me in same subjects. I wont go into detail, as I dragged this story fairly enough, but we broke up bad because of she wished that my grandma dies so we could have a wedding (long ass story that.) and we both are fairly certain that we are done. Couple of days later she wrote me to meet up one last time to broke up properly. I did not trust her for which I assumed that she wanted to be one who ended things so I did not think that she was sincere. So I wrote a long ass text which includes my disappointments and I’ll admit that I got rude towards her family (tbf her mother literally threatened me for stay away her daughter otherwise she would have beaten me so I was furios towards them, nonetheless maybe I shouldn’t) and basically said that you cant expect me to love your family while you wished my grandma to die.

And then she wrote a couple of texts which includes this notorious line: “It is harassment whenever I didn’t want to, though I wanted to at that time my friends think that you did harassed me so you are one.”

I absolutely abhore these kind of acts and people, and the fact that both of us study law makes it even worse because of we of all people cannot accuse people without proof and then spread it. I constantly try to make sure that I feel her safe with me, and whenever I asked her she was going back and forth that saying “I actually dont want it at all” and “I actually want it more than you” and all I wanted is clear, precise communication and courage for going forward in our relationship. I get it that some people dont match with your way of thinking and thats normal, but also I wanted decency and this is what I get. Maybe my actions lead her to feel that way and even so I dont want to think that Im that kind of person.

One last thing: I know for sure that there is no one else in her mind, we were hanging out most of the time and we have no problem to show each other our dms. So, admittedly it is sad that we lose each other when we had so much trust for a time but her actions lead to this. Also, I cant really show our dms, even if I did we did not speak english so it will no use. I can try as much as I can to explain things that I failed to explain.