It was tumultuous. It was anxious. It wasn’t healthy.
When I got with her, she told me she wasn’t ready yet. I convinced her to try anyway, but she was right. And honestly, if I was really ready myself, I wouldn’t have tried to convince her. I would have bid her farewell.
As far as I know, neither of us intended to hurt the other. But by the very nature of our codependent relationship, we hurt eachother anyway.
But it’s over now. And though it’s hard to focus on the peace over the noise of all the pain and regret, I can’t deny it. It’s better this way. If I reached out to her, I’d only bring back anxiety and pain into our lives.
My failure to acknowledge that before is why she was the one who rightfully ended it.
I’m doing my best now. Trying to move forward. Making money. Working out. Going to therapy. Volunteering. Seeing my friends and family. I’m even reading books on burnout and setting boundaries.
I wish I could feel seen again like she once made me feel. But I won’t trade this peace for it. And she wouldn’t either. Good for us.