I am 27f and he is 32m, we broke up because of him needing time and space to ‘heal’ as he is apparently going through a lot mentally or something. His reasonings where very confusing, and mixed in with ghosting.
We had a one year relationship in which he was obsessed with anal. I am very new to sex and all of this sort of stuff so I kind of just followed his lead.
He would always wake me up for anal, or slide into my ass or just kind of get straight into it. He hardly ever had real sex with me.
Being new to this stuff, I didn;t even know anal needed lube, I just followed what he wanted and his lead.
Now two years later, I am dealing with a chronic anal fissure (which is sorry for the tmi, but it’s a cut in my asshole that continually bleeds and is painful, day in day out). I do not know how to heal without surgery, I am devestated and angry and in pain.
Edit: Thank you everyone for all of your tips and ideas and help to me. Thank you for your kind support, it means a lot. I am reading your writings to me, but I am sorry it may take me some time to reply.
Comments
My suggestion is trying Cell salts, in the US, Sovereign Silver is a well known brand of that.
Mmkay, so this was sexual assault.
ETA: For those who are SOO confused, I posted a screenshot of this post into ChatGPT and asked if it was SA:
Yes, it absolutely could be considered sexual assault.
Here’s why:
• Consent must be informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing — meaning you must be fully aware of what’s happening, agree to it, feel safe saying no, and have the ability to stop it at any time.
• From what the post says, she was woken up for anal sex, did not have the knowledge or experience to fully consent in an informed way (didn’t know lube was necessary), and he just did what he wanted without proper care, discussion, or concern for her safety.
• Waking someone up for sex, without their clear and conscious consent, crosses serious lines.*
• Doing anal without lube or preparation, especially when the other person doesn’t even know what’s needed, is abusive behavior, whether or not she verbally protested at the time.*
• The fact that she has chronic physical damage from it — and that her needs, discomfort, and safety were clearly ignored — adds to the evidence of nonconsensual, coercive behavior.*
Even if she “went along” at the time because she didn’t know better or felt pressured, coercion, ignorance, and imbalance of power can all make something sexual assault, legally and ethically.
In short:
Yes. It does sound like sexual assault — even if it wasn’t “violent” in the stereotypical way people sometimes picture. Assault can be about manipulation, ignorance, and violation of consent, too. And what happened to her is serious.
I’m really sorry for what she went through — and if you’re processing your own feelings seeing posts like this, it’s absolutely valid to feel anger, sadness, or even confusion about how blurry these situations can feel when you’re inside them.
Would you like me to explain more about how consent laws work around situations like this? (It’s a heavy topic, but I can break it down if you want.)
Consider suing him to pay for your surgery because it’s basically sexual assault if he had done it the other few times without consent.
You probably need surgery to fix this. Please go to the doctor and do what they suggest.
Second, when he was just putting it in you when you were not able to consent sounds like assault to me. You might benefit from some therapy.
So sorry, get some help then go and live your best life.
Have you gone to see a proctologist yet?
Have you seen a doctor yet? They would be able to help you with pain management and work towards surgery.
You said you need surgery so get it. Your health is always top priority no matter what. Then learn from this lesson and learn to set boundaries next time. You got this OP.
OP – No, that wasn’t TMI and I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re seeing a proctologist already. Meanwhile, start supplementing fiber, start taking psyllium husk before sleeping so you don’t make the fissure worse. You can also use a laxative. This will help you not strain during bowel movement which will help your body in healing the fissure.
Your doctor may also give you Nitroglycerin which is a vasodilator which increases the blood flow down there and help heal the fissure better.
Fissures usually go away with time but you may need a surgery as you said it’s a chronic one in your case. It’s a one day procedure, surgery takes 15-20 minutes and you can go home and recover in a week or so.
You can make it worse if you don’t get timely help. The last thing you you want to do is to cause abscess formation in your anus. Chronic fissures make you easily prone to developing anal abscess, which when not treated will develop into a fistula.
And trust me it’s one of the worst things that could happen down there (google the images). You should go to a proctologist asap.
This sounds terrible. Were you not in excruciating pain when he was having anal sex with you without lube? How could you stand it?
I will never understand anal. It’s where the poop is.
Tell him your pain doesn’t get to be the price for his pleasure anymore.
Honey, you really need to see a doctor asap. This is not okay safe or okay.
You don’t want there to be more medical issues down the track that cause worse problems.
You will most likely need surgery to fix the tear as tears there don’t often heal as every time you go toilet you will tear it again, i know you might feel embarrassed but it will cause problems in the future if you don’t get it seen to now, you are risking infection and the rest to become bigger and then you will have worst problems, get it seen to asap and understand the people that health professionals that would be helping you have seen worst than this, please get help asap.
This sounds like you were sexually assaulted .
Don’t know anything about the subject so forgive my ignorance, wouldn’t that hurt like hell like really fucking hurt? Not trying to victim blame but like did you not question anything about how much pain you were getting out of this ordeal.
You should press charges for assault. I’m serious.
I have a recurring fissure I’ve been dealing with for like a decade, since an eating disorder I had in college. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s really horrible. The pain can be excruciating, and it becomes really stressful when you know that every time you use the bathroom you’re gonna be in more pain. It used to be so bad that I couldn’t sit for more than a few minutes at a time.
I haven’t had surgery (I’m terrified of the recovery tbh), but I’ve found one thing that really helps, and that’s nitroglycerin (yes, the same chemical as in explosives). You want to see a GI specialist and ask about getting a prescription for a mild nitroglycerin rectal ointment; mine is 0.125%. The way it works is, 1-3x a day, you put a bit on your finger and insert it. Not fun or comfortable, but it acts as a vasodilator and increases blood flow to the area, helping it heal.
I’ve been using it the past two years whenever I have flare-ups. It can take a week or so to heal, but once it does, the fissure usually goes away for months, so I’m mostly pain-free, and even when it’s healing, it’s not as bad as it used to be. When you first start taking it, you might also want to take a stool softener to help keep you from irritating the fissure as much during bowel movements.
Also just to warn you, it can cause low blood pressure, so sit or lie down after taking it, and don’t be surprised if you get a headache for like 30 minutes or so after. Once you start healing, less of it will be absorbed into your bloodstream and the side effects won’t be as bad.
Please get checked, you may be embarrassed now but it’s far better to get this looked at/fixed now when you’re younger than deal with it when you’re older. Plus it will save you years of being uncomfortable, to put it mildly.
Please go to the doctor and get it surgically fixed. Would you rather be embarrassed but healthy or would you rather get an infection and have parts of your lower colon removed?
You need to sue him for assault and medical bills.
It’s okay I had this same problem and it caused major pain. I did a lateral sphincterotomy and fissurectomy surgery with a proctologist. It was a ten minute surgery, and immediately literally immediately when I woke up the pain was gone and replaced with an ache for 2 weeks and never had a problem again
Just an FYI, I had one after having my first child. It was terrible. I’m sorry.
My doctor ordered a compounded cream (I cannot remember right now what) that immediately relaxed the sphincter muscle when applied. I’d use a glove and apply it before a BM. Apparently the fissures quickly reach the layer of muscle and each time it activates, the muscle pulls at the fissure again opening it up. It was misery for weeks and after like a week of using the cream it was healed and done. Surgery is for when this doesn’t work. But, I’d recommend not messing around and getting to a doctor ASAP. The longer it goes on, the more likely you’ll need surgery. Plus, the risk of infection is high and it can get more complicated quickly.
This person had a kink for causing you pain. That is quite literally the only reason a person would want to do that without lube- to cause their partner pain. I’m sorry you dealt with that
You were in an abusive relationship and were being sexually assaulted.
rainn.org
thehotline.org
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
I’m shocked this hadn’t gotten infected yet with location coming in direct contact with feces. Please go to a dr asap before it’s too late.
Being 27 and you don’t know lube is crazy stuff
Hey OP – see you getting lots of downvotes about not going to the doctor 🙁 I understand it might be embarrassing, but it is not! It sounds like you were SA’d so he should be held accountable for the pain he caused you. He sounds really mean too! I hope you recover well. You can start with walk in clinic or urgent care if you are more comfortable with that, or your regular PCP, but you should definitely seek care from a professional!
You absolutely do NOT want that to get infected or risk anything bad entering your blood stream through the fissure. If you ignore it, it will get worse! Generally if things don’t start to resolve/get better in a week, you need professional intervention.
Vitamin E after bowel movements, can get at most drugstores, and nifedipine (compounded medication) 4x a day, can be layered on top of vitamin E if need be but it will not be as effective and compounded medication is pricy+hard to obtain. You likely need to go to a compound specialist pharmacy. Your anal fissure will get worse if you don’t do anything, so stop replying with that and go to that pharmacy. Women’s sphincters are much weaker than a man’s, so no more bottoming for you.
Take care, best wishes.
Everyone has given you advice regarding your physical health. You need to go to the actual doctor btw. For your mental health, I can’t emphasize enough that you should go to therapy and stay away from relationships until you learn to set boundaries and stand up for yourself.
If something hurts and it’s bad for you, and the person who claims to love you keeps doing it, it means they don’t love you. I don’t think this is just related to sexual experience. There are probably more things you need to work through so you can identify bad partners and break up toxic relationships.
OP, my mother had anal fissures and hemorrhoids. What helped her have less pain and bleeding.
She essentially told me if it happened to her it could happen to me, and I should do my best to not ever let it happen to me because I have IBS already.
So with your food intake, make sure it is food worth passing. If it’s junk, you are hurting yourself for junk food. Make sure you are well hydrated too. If you decide to eat less often or eat less food- focus on proteins. Protein is what your body needs to repair itself and the body can’t store it. More fats in your diet can lead to looser stool too. Butter, oil, etc.
You’ll find a happy medium hopefully. She freaked out when there was blood in her underwear. So taking her to the doctor kind of started her on a journey to finding solutions instead of just being afraid of going to the bathroom.
Get the surgery. You’ll feel better afterwards, and It’s only going to cause more problems the longer you wait.
From your comments I can tell your ex SA’d you. Dude harmed you and, from what you say, he didn’t give a fuck about you crying.
When it comes to your injury, isn’t it way too likely to get infected due to where it is? I would get surgery, but consult with your doctor first and foremost since I barely know about these topics
I’ve had this happen to me in a SA incident. Turned out it was syphilis which can cause fissures and it was agony.
TLDR: GO TO THE DRS
Got to the doctor. In vet med, even dogs get anal fissures/fistulas. These things happen.
He raped you? I’m sorry to hear that :’(
GIRL FIX ASS NOW
He needs to heal? You physically need to heal. I’m sorry this happened to you. Also sex is supposed to be enjoyable and consensual between both parties. This doesn’t sound like it is. Please take care of yourself and see a doctor.
If you don’t have surgery your cuts could get infected.
i had a chronic anal fissure that turned into a perianal abscess. that then turned into a fistula and ruptured. i’ve been in extreme amounts of pain and i have a very high pain tolerance, but this was the worst pain of my life. the surgery was a relief more than anything, and everyone was extremely professional and kind. i promise you, NOTHING is worth not getting this treated. it can turn deadly, and it can happen quickly. do not wait to get this treated. it can cause many scary complications, and i am extremely lucky it wasn’t even worse.
if you’re lucky, it can be done without surgery! i was prescribed an ointment with lidocaine and diltazem(?), a blood pressure medication that soothes the muscle and helps promote healing. it was a very promising treatment, i think my colorectal surgeon said it works for 80%(?) of patients, but unfortunately it got infected and i had no choice but surgery. if the medication didn’t work and it hadn’t gotten infected, the next step would’ve been botox which i believe would’ve been minimally invasive.
SEE. A. DOCTOR.
Sounds like him leaving was the best thing that could happen to you. Sorry to hear about your assault 😢
Get the surgery. Recovery is fast. Definitively worth it. You won’t look back.
This post sounds erry like the bestofredditoupdates post by u/nonamethrowthrow65
This guy sounds like a tool. That’s not common sexual practice; not anal majority of time. And if you didn’t like it, he should’ve stopped. Like, forever.
Wow this sounds abusive 😔
So sorry for what you went through. I definitely agree that you should definitely talk to your doctor about it but I also wanted to mention something that may help you. Get a bidet, like the japanese style that replaces your toilet seat and sprays a water jet to clean your bum after you poop. Then apply aquaphor liberally afterwards. Look it up, people swear by the bidet for these kinda of problems. And somehow most American doctors don’t even know how helpful they are. Anyways good luck and this isn’t real medical advise so for sure talk to your doctor about your problem!
I am a physician.
For anal fissures, I prescribe Diltiazem 2% cream. In cases of severe pain at the beginning, I also recommend a lidocaine cream for temporary pain relief. Additionally, I advise taking Magnosolv or a similar magnesium supplement to help soften the stool.
Key instructions:
After each bowel movement, gently rinse the anal area with lukewarm water.
Wash your hands thoroughly. Then apply a pea-sized amount of the cream three times daily. It is very important to insert the finger during application, as anal fissures are mostly located internally.
Regulate your stool volume with sufficient fiber intake.
Do not delay or hold back bowel movements.
If your stool is harder, it can help to apply dexpanthenol ointment or a lubricating gel to the anal area before having a bowel movement.
Get surgery send him the bill
The issue you’re dealing with usually happens to some women during child birth. It is incredibly painful.
Please talk to your OB about this and find solution for it. You might need surgery if it is really bad.
I’m so sorry you’re in this position and I really hope you get medical help to heal. They won’t judge, they won’t care at all beyond wanting you to be comfortable and make a good recovery.
Please know that you never have to let anyone treat you like this in the future. You deserve to be safe and loved.
Get it fixed before it turns into an abscess.
I had perianal abscess in 2023. I don’t know exactly what caused it but fissures can cause them. They’re horrible. It’s probably the most painful thing that’s ever happened to me. I had surgery to remove the abscess, then the wound had to be packed and cauterised. It had left a long track so when I went for the second surgery to close the remaining part of the track, they put a seton in it. I’m still waiting for the surgery for the seton to be removed and it’s still uncomfortable and disgusting now.
If the cream can work, try it. Don’t leave it. The longer you leave it the more likely it will get worse. Go and see someone, you might be able to sort it before it gets to a worse stage. The people you will see will be used to seeing this sort of stuff, there’s no need to be embarrassed. If you need surgery, this is also ok. One is better than three.
Oh you poor thing OP. I’m sorry all this has happened. I really encourage a chat with a doctor. Nowadays you may be able to do this all discreetly online if you’re really worried about feeling ashamed. However, doctors are here to help. They don’t have the same tee-hee feelings and reactions about buttholes and anything that falls under TMI. I don’t think the term TMI exists with medical professionals.
OP, I also really suggest you talk to a trust worthy therapist. If you have a really close and trusted family member (like a sibling or cousin or parent) I would talk with them too. What happened to you is not acceptable and it’s important you process and not let it go dormant and fester. It’s important you do this for yourself. Older you is gonna look back and be so grateful you took good care of yourself after all this.
First of all, I am sorry, truly sorry.
Second, this post made me explicably angry and mad on your behalf because what kind of shitty human being COERCE his PARTNER into this stuff?? I am beyond mad here.
Third, you DO NOT NEED IN ANY FORM, SHAPE OR WAY to be affiliated with this “man”; he knew you were not prepared, and he blatantly continued disrespecting you. What a piece of sh*t.
What does he say now? Did you break up with him? Are you talking?
Please please, go to doctor to get treatment for this issue and psychologist if you feel you need it. This is beyond disgusting.
Hi, soon-to-be doctor here. Sorry you had to go through that, I hope you are safe now.
Treatment of fissures can vary but we like to start with more conservative treatment.
At this stage, I would start with lifestyle changes (dietary) to include more fibers in your meal. Another is to perform warm sitz baths multiple times per day. This involves submerging your rear in warm water 10-20 mins at a time, especially after bowel movement.
If these conservative treatments do not work, the physician can escalate to anal sphincter relaxing ointments and/or analgesic ointments.
Last resort would be surgery!
Best of luck.
EDIT: obligatory disclaimer that illnesses should be seen by physicians in-house. Please seek medical attention from your primary physician.
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Eat a lot of fiber, the less dense your bowel movements the easier it’ll be to heal. Also learn to relax to have a bowel movement, no pushing.
Jesus Christ, what kind of guy even wants no lube for that? I feel like that had to be intentional for inflicting pain
You should have pegged him for that and destroy that ass
Sue him for damages
I made a commitment to myself even if my wife likes anal or if we are never going to pound a hole then meant to just throw trash and not for sex. Reson ( one time accidentally sits on an object that literally got in ass without damaging surroundings but pain 😵💫 i got and also did my research on anal sex that literally show’s even if you do with everything in mind it causes harm in long-term)
So many red flags. No lube, no boundaries, pure self pleasure
Anal fissures are very painful but can be fixed. They can also easily get infected if left untreated so do to the doctors, they may even give you a stool softener so using the toilet doesn’t keep opening them.
Oh and also.. your ex always wanted anal and now you’re on a break while he “goes through some stuff”, have you considered that he might be gay?
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If you leave that to yourself you maybe in danger of far worse, rectal issues aren’t a joke and can lead to death.
Oof. I had a friend who had fissures and had that surgery, though just because he was constantly constipated. His recovery time was only around 6 weeks and actually not that bad.
Abuse comes in many forms. As a man who was “obsessed” with anal – he should have known the proper way to introduce and perform the act.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope overall, you’re doing better and moving on to better things and people 💜
Cetylpyridinium chloride.
It’s a component in several mouthwashes – Cepacol, “Pure Fresh Rinse” – mouthwash available at Dollar Tree, it’s blue.
Wet a clean washrag in a corner and clean your behind after using the bathroom (and after TP!) in the morning, and before you go to sleep at night.
I’ll bet you will notice significant if not complete healing within 10 days.
Always, always use lotion when doing anal – if your partner is not willing, they don’t get any. Period.
God, I’m so sorry. How sadistic 😩
i’m so sorry that happened to you:-(
It sounds like you were raped and assaulted by this man
It’s wild to me that someone would think that anything in this situation was normal..
Everyone else already wrote good comments. I am just here to say
👏fucking👏go👏to👏the👏doctor👏
I had a sinus pilonidalis which is an abscess at your tailbone. Yes I am a woman. People saw my ass, I even got an operation and nurses cleaning my damn abscess hole. No one fucking cares. GO TO THE DOC GODDAMMIT
I had one as part of tearing after my last kid. They hurt terribly. You have my sympathies.
Solution for me is psyllium husk capsules, two of them four times a day, LOTS of fluid during the day, and before bed and at breakfast a stool softener. That produces a result that doesn’t tear me up.
I will say that I have found that once it heals you will need to keep on a high-fiber regimen because it will always tend to be weak there.
Hydrocortisone cream helps. Also eat lots of fiber / veggies / probiotics / yogurt.
Oh my god. I’m sorry. How did you even do anal WITHOUT lube?? THAT SHIT HURTS!! He probably didn’t even let you prep or anything either..?? 😭
I hope you manage to figure out a way to heal it
I have an ex who did the same thing. I really wonder if he isn’t a closeted gay man. I don’t have a fissure, but I’m guessing i have something like a hemorrhoid. Makes wiping suck, even 10 years later. Asked a doctor about it, but they weren’t any help. One day when i have insurance again, I’ll get it figured out.
Sue him into the ground, OP. Him just shoving it in whenever he wanted is rape.
I can’t even be friends with men that selfish. He didn’t care about what he was doing at all?
No lube would fucking suck for both parties wtf is wrong with that chud im so sorry op
He’s closeted gay probably why he broke it off no explanation
I’m sorry you are suffering. See a doctor ASAP. Hopefully you can heal without surgery. What you describe sounds like sexual assault. If you do not consent then it’s sexual assault. Consider going to the police to report.
If this guy is only into anal sex then he might be gay and didn’t inform you especially because you are naive.
If you know it’s a fissure, wasn’t that diagnosed at the doctors? And if so, didn’t they prescribed you anything? Just saying because many things can cause pain and bleed in that area.
You definitely should go to the doctor, the doctor won’t ask you exactly how you got that, they also see so many people a day with the same problem, you are not the only one no one going to laugh at you or talk about it. They are there to help you, so make sure you get it seen, make sure it doesn’t turn to something worse.
Also, I am sorry this happened to you. What he did is not okay and I hope you can clearly set your boundaries and have a healthy and good relationship in the future.
You poor thing. That man took advantage of you. There’s a term for this: Painal. People get off on lots of things, and some women(few in my experience) even enjoy it from time to time. But to do it without discussion, that’s abuse. It’s damn near rape.
I had a chronic fissure for years that only went away when I got a bidet and stopped wiping. It took a few months but I’m fully healed now.
Holy shit, I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Hi OP, I’m a RN and had the same condition after I was sexually assaulted. Idk about other countries, but if you are in the U.S. then you can get stool softeners over the counter for very very cheap. You most likely do not need surgery. Your anus has great blood flow which helps to fight off infection. You just need to give it a chance to heal. Your stool needs to be soft not hard at all, and not watery like diarrhea. You can’t push hard to get it out, or the tear will open back up.
What usually helps patients in the U.S.:
-Psyllium husk (aka Metamucil) You can take it with water, juice, mix it into oatmeal or a smoothie. Take it in the morning. If that doesn’t work, ADD….
Docusate Sodium (aka Colace). Start by taking 1 pill with dinner. If your stool isn’t coming out like soft serve ice cream, take a pill with breakfast and dinner. If that doesn’t work, add one to lunch. If that doesn’t work, ADD….
Polyethylene glycol 3350 (aka Miralax) It won’t make you shit your pants. It’s just stronger than docusate sodium. It pulls water into your bowels, where you body would normally pull water out, resulting in hard stools. My stool is either hard first thing in the AM or after working a long shift because those are 2 times I don’t drink enough water, so I suggest taking it after dinner. If one dose is not effective, add another dose to your day, like take it at breakfast and dinner. If that doesn’t work, add another dose to lunch. If that doesn’t work, double the dose. If that doesn’t work, ADD….
-A doctor.
As far the pain goes…. go to a sex shop and ask the attendant to help you find an anal lubricant that is numbing and relaxing. They’re always very professional and helpful, and have heard and seen much wilder things than a woman asking for lube so don’t be scared or ashamed! Next, go to Walmart or Home depot and get Nitrile gloves, not the clear or white ones. You want a tight fitting glove so if you’re unsure just size down. When you think you need to poop, put on a glove, apply a generous amount of lube to your finger, and gently apply it inside your anus. Try to give it 10 min to start working.
Lastly, I want you to buy a short stool to prop your feet up when you’re on the toilet. A squatty potty, essentially. The position opens up your hips, straightens your intestine a bit, and makes it easier to poop without straining.
I hope this helps!
Sounds like he was closeted and out to “heal” now.
It will heal in time. I had one for a while in the 90s
Dude raped you if he was just going for it without initiating and gauging your response, I’d be a lot more furious if I was you. None of it is your fault, but your ex should be in prison IMO
Hey girl, it sounds like he was an abusive piece of shit. I see lots of people with medical advice and ideas to help heal your butthole and a healthy butthole is really important.
Don’t forget to heal your soul, too. I suggest fighting him. Or his mom. Maybe both? Be the whole problem. It’s therapeutic. Best wishes!
You are his beard, he’s probably gay and only goes for the ass.
That is seriously messed up, I can imagine how you feel or felt in those moment. I’ve been there done that, it doesn’t just “slide in”. We actually use a desensitised lube for when she’s up for that, and that is ALWAYS her decision. It’s your body, it’s your decisions (just remember that going forward). He should not be doing this. Even when we do it, there’s a whole relaxing lead up to it so it feels better for her. Being the male, I’ve never actually been like “hey babe, back door tonight let’s rumble” it’s just when that’s what she wants.
What does he need a “break” for, tell him to get fucked and never see him again. There’s a “break” for him. Or just leak his details and I’m sure someone will pay him a visit.
This is why you never give into guys who are porn-brained. The moment they suggest something can damage your body, i.e., unlubed anal, atm, etc, you leave. Seriously. You deserve better.
Warmest regards,
A person who needed anal surgery at 23 because my ex wanted to do the same.
This is honestly really fucking sad and I’m really truly so fucking sorry, OP. ☹️ you deserved so much better than what that piece of shit did to you, none of this is okay. Please do not be ashamed of seeking help and being honest about it, it’s okay to get help for this and it’s needed. I know you’ve gotten a ton of responses already and this will probably just get lost in the mix of it all but truly if you ever need advice or a place to vent or talk some of us actually genuinely care, even about people we don’t know off the bat, I’m always available. ❤️
I had an 2 and half inch long fistula from my anus too my buttchdck that would get so infected due to an anal rape. I’m here for you sister but you need to go to a dr about this! Don’t wait until you get sick like I did. You need a proctologist and I can’t stress this enough
Dude is either battling homosexual tendencies
or he has a serious porn addiction; am addiction that has permanently distorted his view on sex, & what healthy sex should look & feel like.
I feel very bad (& highly concerned tbh) for the younger gens these days, considering how porn there is & that it’s so easily accessible; the sheer amount of videos that exist on the internet is legit insane.
He’s a gay man
There’s whole list of questionable things going on here on his part
I’m sorry you went through that OP, he sounds weird as hell, and with my above points it proves how he was intending to cause pain, and didn’t consider you or how it would effect your body, not only selfish, but actually SA
Please go to the doctor, what are you even doing. You can’t say the damage is permanent if you haven’t been to the doctor. OP let’s make some smart decisions from this point onward and not use “new to this ass a crotch.”
Leave that ex behind and get some medical treatment. And Google some sexual hints if you decide to try new sexual stuff.
You need to see a doctor. I’m sorry to scare you, but I almost died to due an anal abscess and those are very often caused by fissures. I now have a sizeable scar on my butt and a fair deal of medical trauma, but at least I lived.
Don’t wait until you have potentially life threatening complications to get this fixed.
OP, I’m heartbroken for the physical and mental trauma your ex has caused you. You deserve so much better and this was not your fault. Honey, please see a doctor to heal your body and please see therapist who specializes in domestic and sexual violence who can help you heal emotionally. By your comments, I feel like you can use the support and an advocate for you to regain your sense of self and practice putting your own health, safety, and happiness first.
Anything other than an enthusiastic yes is a no. Nowhere do I see where you said you wanted all of this or asked for it. “Giving in” is not the same thing as consent and anyone who says otherwise is full of shit.
I’m so sorry. Someone did this to me but he would do it without asking or telling me first. He’s just ram it in there and it hurt so bad. I can’t put into words how much sympathy I have for you. This is not okay, it’s not TMI.
I think your ex is gay tbh
… do you know when I read this I actually couldn’t breathe? my ex did the same thing! I have the same thing you’re detailing and the last time he ripped me so bad the doc tole him I’d bleed out and not to do it again. I’m so, so sorry …
I had internal hemorrhoids and fissures due to not drinking enough water when I was younger. They have steroid suppositories that can fix that for you.
That’s horrible and abusive. Anal sex IS real sex, though.
Getting it must have hurt, why haven’t you said NO!, YOU ARE HURTING ME!
Sexual acts must be a pleasure, not a torture…!
I hate this for you. So sorry.
I’m really sorry this happened to you.
If anything is ever painful it shouldn’t be. You should not be in physical pain due to sex. If anyone ever makes you feel pain again immediately stop. You should be
Again I’m sorry this happened to you. It was not okay, and he is not okay. Please seek therapy.
Fiber pills help.
I took a similar tear for similar reasons as a teenager.
Seriously, triple your fiber intake. It helps.
I’d sue him for medical expenses.
I’m not even going to comment on that motherfucker who hurt you like this… But please, please consider the LIS surgery! The recovery is not that horrendous as with hemorrhoidectomy, the success rate is high and it’s an instant relief from those painful spasms. I’m literally just healing after being out of work for almost 3 weeks because of a fissure, but I’m not “bad enough” to be offered the surgery just yet.
I curse him so his own ass rips in half! I would never believe how bad this condition is until I first experienced it. Good luck with healing 🙏🏻💙
Also to add… There are support groups. Here and on Facebook. I highly recommend joining them.
Omg what an asshole. No pun intended. Im so sorry to read this. He is a complete fucking pig to do that to you. He also assaulted you btw.
Get the surgery. Don’t let people pressure you into things in the future. Best of luck
Don’t be embarrassed to see a doctor they don’t care they have a duty of care. This is your body, your health and you need to be okay. Also what he did such as slip it in while you was asleep is assault as you did not consent to it that that time. I’m sorry this has happened to you I hope you’re still not in contact with such person
I had to have surgery for a fissure after the birth of my first and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Embarrassing yes, but after it healed I didn’t have the problem again.
Op, you said you are inexperienced and lack knowledge with sex and also have been too embarrassed to get medical attention, and this is just a conjecture but those two things can happen if you grow up being taught sex is in some way taboo and shameful. It can make you vulnerable to predatory people like your ex abd harder to get help when you are hurt. I’d strongly suggest talking to a therapist about this so you can be more prepared if you decide to have sex again.
If it makes you feel any better at all, I am in the exact same position for the exact same reasons. I’m really sorry. I promise you’re not alone in this and I completely understand how mentally and physically exhausting it can be dealing with an issue like this on the daily. I hope you manage to find a treatment that works for you, I’m on a waiting list for a colonoscopy which hopefully will diagnose the extent of the damage I have. I’d recommend you try the same route. Big hugs.
Go to the dr o sexual health clinic.
It seems like you’ve gotten a lot of advice on the medical side of things here already but I’m disappointed that not more people are recognizing that you seem to have been assaulted. I feel for you. I’m so sorry you’re having to carry this physical pain as a reminder of how he treated you. You don’t deserve this.
Sounds like he’s gay
Sorry this happened to you, also your ex bf is probably gay.
Closet homosexual.
You definitely need to go to the doctor, they can create a plan to deal with this. Try not to worry about embarrassment or anything like that; doctors have seen and heard everything and like all of us here, they will be sympathetic and looking to help.
You are so strong to have gotten through this. You can get better and you can find love without this kind of abuse. Sex should feel good for you and you never owe a partner anal, or any kind of sex that feels bad for that matter. Wishing you the best honey.
OP he was a rapist who took advantage of you. A cruel sadist. I had a boyfriend that would assault me like that. He was literally a psychopath who didn’t have a conscience. He would wait until we were in the middle of v sex and just do it. Other times he would pin me face toward to the wall and put it against my hole and tell me either I am going to give him oral or he is going to take it. He tore a muscle on the left side of my sphincter it took five years to finally heal. Him saying he is taking time off to heal is bullshit. He is gaslighting you he is probably dating someone else. I’m so sorry OP. He is a wicked man.
hey, i have the same thing from a man i trusted who anally raped me almost 10 months ago now. wow it’s crazy it’s been that long. i’m still dealing with the fissures and pain to this day, it’s an uphill battle but it does get better … dm me if you need any advice or just to vent 🤍🤍 im sorry you went through this. it’s not right