I should have known when he upfront told me before we even began the relationship that his ex labelled him a sex addict and coerced him into therapy for it, but I wanted to believe the best in him. Anyway, during the relationship he did some disgusting things to me – always whilst I was asleep. He’d admit to watching what he said was “vile porn”. I worry some of it was my fault because to begin with I said I didn’t mind if he woke me up sometimes if he was in the mood and I was asleep but I later retracted this because it was pretty consistent and I realised I needed my sleep because of my early work start. The problems really began after this, i’d said no more, so he started trying to just be sneaky about it instead. There were some wild situations. One time I left the room for 5 minutes to grab us some food and came back up to find him trying to sneakily masturbate on my bed. Obviously I was mildly mortified, but at this point I was so done with the arguments and gaslighting that I just swallowed my feelings and brushed it off. In fact I actually comforted him instead. I lost track of the amount of times I’d wake up in the middle of the night to him using my body, trying to get off on me, I felt disgusting.
I have issues now that have carried into my current relationship, I’m scared to initiate intimacy or be my true self despite actually craving it with this new guy. I don’t feel that I have a safe space to talk about it but it’s lowkey eating me alive and I feel like I’m overreacting for being so distraught about the whole thing. I feel disconnected from my body and like I’ve lost an important part of me and my comfort with myself
Comments
Talk to your new guy. Solve it together. Would help
it’s not your fault at all. It’s him who has the problem & he was also disrespecting you in the process. Guys like how he sounds wreck alot of good women.
Eventually they find a decent guy & at times they may weird out over a communication break down or wrong idea or similar, or woteva. The new guy can’t comprehend the situation correctly.
It often leaves him feeling guilty & doesn’t know why or he may think the woman has serious issues, way more worse than they are. It can turn a beautiful relationship to shit before it ever even got started.
Respect yourself always, don’t let anyone disrespect you ever & always try have open & honest communication in a relationship.
If you dont want to tell someone something personal, tell them that. Be honest & say look, this is something highly personal to me & i don’t want to have secrets but I’m not ready to talk about it or i may never talk about but atm it’s just not happening or woteva.
Just dont lie, build trust & respect & if the love is real oneday you might be comfortable & trusting enough to tell all or you may not.
I’m no expert but I have had some heavenly relationships, my 2nd last one lasted 3yrs untill I walked away. We never had 1 single argument or disagreements, not ever. we never raised our voices at each other or called each other hurtful names, nothing bad ever.
The only problem I had was her often saying that I would never love her as much as she loved me. That made me feel sad & like I was a bad person. I loved her but it was still growing, she pressured me so I left.
I still love her 5yrs later, but I loved someone after her way more & our relationship wasn’t even a relationship really.
Love, it sux at times but it chooses who we love, we don’t get to pick. it just happens or it doesn’t.
Sorry for the long rant, hearing about guys doing this disrespectful shit to woman does my head in & there’s so many decent guys such as myself who struggle to let anyone get closer, whether we feel unworthy or not ready or wotever.
Sorry for raving on, I hope you respect yourself enough to never speak to THAT guy ever again. you have to too teach how wrong it is & was otherwise it will continue & could even escalate