About a month ago, my ex MIL messaged me asking if we could talk. She used to treat me like almost like a daughter, very understanding and warm person, always kind to me. But extremely lenient towards her son, whom she spoiled rotten, quite literally (well, not exactly literally, but yk). So I said ok, and she called me on the phone.
She told me this whole story about how my ex FIL is going broke, and how everything has been getting more expensive. She told me about my exs last girlfriend, which lasted only a few months, and about his ex wife, whom he married after we broke up, and that lasted a year.
So, what she wanted was to ask me for help, for me to give a statement attesting to his good character, because his ex wife is suing him, accusing him of SA (bc she’s autistic – she didn’t get into detail) and stalking.
The thing is, this relationship ended about 5 years ago. I thank the gods to this day that I was able to escape that hellhole. He was never physically abusive to me. Well, except for the coerced sex, which happened more often than I care to admit. But he would verbally TRAMPLE me, like literally argue every thing I said, every idea, even my feelings. He rationalised everything and found ways to convince me that logically my feelings were wrong.
He convinced me I didn’t have any friends anymore. He pulled me away from my family. He would manipulate everybody around him, including his parents, who just thought he was very bright. He would say that home chores were demeaning and therefore he wouldn’t do them and the house would be dumpster for days and days. He would not even do the dishes. Meanwhile, I was finishing law school and working an internship, basically sleeping no more than 6h every day. And he was unemployed, had already finished his degree, and just stayed at home all day playing video games.
We lived together for 6 years. My only regret was not leaving sooner. He would be rude to waiters and pretty much every worker. He would speak a lot and very fast and very loud in a way that no one could get a word in, much less a full sentence.
Once I got sick, puking and sweating with the flu. I asked for help and he said he couldn’t do anything. I had to call mother, who brought me meds and soup and sat with me. Once he threatened to kill himself if I left him. He told me multiple times he believed sex was not about pleasure, but about power. Knowing it was important to me, he would withhold it. He pretty much broke me, and tho I’m much better now, I’m still healing.
Some months ago he reached out saying that he had broken up with his girlfriend and that we should speak again bc how come he wouldn’t have me in his life anymore and also he was going to the gym and he was testes at a high testosterone level, and that religious girls were worse than feminists bc at least we were sincere. Like, he said some crazy shit. That was on WhatsApp. I blocked without responding. He then proceeded to message me on insta, which I blocked, then had the audacity of sending an SMS. I blocked him there too, blocked him everywhere. Didn’t even listen to the voice notes or open the pictures. I don’t wanna know.
So yeah when his mother called me asking for help, I told her I’m sorry, I feel your pain as a mother and I even sympathise, but I cannot get involved and I will not say something that i cannot attest is true. And yeah I got mad, and ended up telling her a thing or two about her precious son. She (and every friend of his and his family) are definitely blocked for good now.
And once again, I thank the gods I was able to leave that situation behind. Truly, from the bottom my heart. ♥️
Comments
Glad you came out of the relationship. What made you realize it in the end? After 6 years? Your story and realization might help others.
You should have agreed to testify, but never use the phrase “for him”.
When you’re on the stand, tell them that he verbally and emotionally abused you, as well as repeatedly raping you.
Good for you. I love ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.’ Very smart of you
Good for you for telling her some truths she needed to hear!!
Block the ex mil also
Wow, this is amazing and really brave of you to share. With how hard it is to escape situations like this it’s so great you did. I really hope someone else who is scared, who is stuck, that they have no choice or chance other than staying sees this. You might be the inspiration , the hero someone else needs. It’s amazing that you now have the rest of your life to live to your fullest and I hope you get to enjoy every moment of it!
If anyone reaches out to you, feel free to share the messages he sent.
And he’s not exactly disproving that stalking charge with this behavior. Stay safe, OP!
Congratulations on your freedom and future!
you could reach out to the ex and give them your experience. Or don’t reach out to the ex, that will seem like collusion and being vindictive. Reach out to the DA< explain what happened, who your ex is, that his mother reached out. That you don’t know his ex wife but would it help if you wrote a letter about what he did during your relationship. A letter straight to DA with no contact with the ex would carry more weight, no chance ot collude or match stories so if they do match and show a pattern of behaviour, it would help.
Again it’s very likely it will look a lot better to go to the DA and not through the ex wife.
Talk to her after the trial.
She sounds like just the kind of mom to raise a man like that. I’m glad you got away.
Well, reading your post I had to stop a few times put it down and walk away and when I finally read it all the way to the end, my thoughts were thank God she didn’t do it as in you told his mother what he was really like and that you would not do that Your ex was a narcissist he was misogynist. He was self-centered and dangerous and I am truly sorry that this happened to you. I’m embarrassed that he is the same sex that I am and I want to apologize on behalf of the male species. We are all not like that. I would like to believe that there are some good ones left out there and hopefully if you haven’t found one, you will. And my biggest FU to your ex should’ve been find out his ex-girlfriend’s and where she lives and andew would be willing to testify on her behalf as a character witness to what he was really liking what he is capable in fact, I would’ve yes I would be willing to testify as the character witness and then what you got to court once they start asking you questions about how he treated you tell him the truth. In fact I would’ve gone up to her attorney and said ask me anything I’ll be her witness instead it may be too late already, but I would’ve done that. And hopefully she had some witnesses of her own over his behavior and how he treated women once again I’m very sorry that you went to this and how we treated you. And I do hope that he was found guilty that he would be serving time.
“Audacity of sending an sms”
Why are Europeans so sensitive about communicating directly? Why do they all insist on using ridiculous third party messaging systems, even when communicating with people in country?
I have never understood how pieces of shit like this get into relationships where they reveal themselves to be such monsters. It has to be the ability to put up a charming facade and slowly over time after women have become maleable to them reveal their true selves.
I would want to leave this part of my life behind.
Yeah, blocking is the way to go.
It’s five years ago. Don.t bring it back into your life.
You have moved on. Stay moved on.
Time to change your number. I know it’s a hassle, but I think it’s worth it!
From your description, I don’t think he’s autistic.
If you know his ex’s name and feel comfortable, you should contact her and testify for her.
Sometimes it can be healing to speak our truths out loud and support others who have experienced the same.
If it is too much, I can completely understand.
I feel so bad for ladies holy shit, you guys go through some of the harshest craziest shit, and dides have the audacity to say that you’re nuts, yet you deal with the above all in the name of love. I really hope you’re healing, sorry you’re going through this. It makes dudes like me appear like angels when I talk to ladies because holy fucking shit it’s not difficult to treat you with dignity, integrity and for God’s sake a little respect…. much love from Joshua 🙂 sending all the good vibes i possibly can little lady.
Go and testify. Tell the truth.
I’d actually contact the ex wife and testify against him! SA is so hard to prove and men get away with to often. I know it’s not your responsibility but I think as women we should all be trying our best to support one another in any way we can. You don’t have to verbally testify on the stand, you can just do a written one if it’s easier x