Hello! I (F19) have been dating my boyfriend (M28) for a few months. It’s been a fun relationship with nice dinners and such. We are on a vacation to venice and paris right now and the whole time he’s been constantly asking for sex. I have given it to him multiples times during our trip, but he wanted it three times a day and I wasn’t able to do that. It’s been hard for me as I was raped at a party two months ago, I opened up to him about what happened expecting empathy, but his response was horrible. He began accusing me of sleeping with other guys, and said me not wanting to have sex meant I didn’t care about him. I broke down crying and explained over and over why I didn’t want to and I literally forced myself to do it for him but he wouldn’t listen. He kept telling me how disappointed he was that I didn’t want to be intimate. He then accused me of lying about the rape and asked for proof. He’s very well off and can definitely help me out in life, but is staying with him worth it?
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No
In no way shape or form is it worth staying with a guy who has so little empathy and understanding.
>is staying with him worth it?
Absolutely not. Leave him. Now.
You deserve so much better
Red flag! He’s too old for you and super immature. He wants control over you
Girl not only is he 10 years older than you which is concerning but it’s your body and he’s crossing a line
woah i wonder why this man is dating an 18 year old 🧐
He’s 28 and lacks any sense whatsoever. The pressuring for sex and the age gap is very concerning. Leave while you still can!
No.
Go and date people your age rather than this creep who clearly only wants you for one thing.
Read everything you’ve just written and ask yourself why you want to be with a person like this?
Anyone who takes your trauma and uses it against you and gaslights you over it is an absolute no, not worth it at all.
Leave him girl. ASAP.
9/10 rage bait.
We got an age-gap, victim blaming, the kind of question intended for a professional being asked casually to random Redditors.
The “is his money worth more than my self-respect?” is the icing.
That isn’t your bf he’s a creep! Leave him ASAP
If yall were talking before you turned 18 he’s a pdfile grooming you that’s why he’s asking for that now and most likely taking you extravagant places. I’m sorry but almost no one over the age of 21 has good intentions with someone 18.
Btw i’m actually 19 idk why I wrote 18
No, he genuinely sounds evil. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? It will only get worse.
And I know you probably have a bunch of excuses in your head for why the age gap is normal, but it’s not. You’re a teenager and he’s almost 30. It’s extremely bizarre and inappropriate. I don’t blame you – we all think it’s cool to date older guys at that age. I did! But I’m 28 now and teenagers look like actual children compared to me. Wtf do an 18 year old and 30 year old have in common.
Leave him, he doesn’t care about you or your well-being. The age gap is also a red flag because i imagine women his age know not to put up with his unacceptable behaviour. You deserve infinitely better than this!
>help me out in life
Such a sad sentence. Don’t go selling yourself short. Because thats exactly what this relationship is, hes buying sex from you and is 100% expecting it.
Go to police about your sexual assault, go to therapy and dump this guy who’s way too old and controlling and be happy.
Your boyfriend is a predator of another type. Healthy 28 year olds aren’t interested in 18 year olds and the refusal to respect this absolutely normal boundary— even if you weren’t recovering from an assault— reveals his predatory nature. Run.
Under no circumstances should you consider staying with this horrible monster of a human being. Lots of people have money and you can find one that doesn’t degrade and debase you for their own enjoyment..
Literally no. He’s a creep.
First of all, your boyfriend is a borderline predator, and an extremely self-conscious man. You clearly have been enjoying the financial aspect of dating an older, well-off man, which is fine! But you have to understand that it’s a two way street and your bf also considers himself lucky to have a young girl on his arm. Before you say “He’s not THAT old”, I agree, but he’s old enough that his life experience consumes yours and creates a massive divide between you two.
It’s all been fun and games, but now that a serious situation has occurred, he’s getting all pissy and selfish because it doesn’t align with the Wolf of Wall Street vibe he wants to have.
Essentially, you’re dating a narcissist and you can either expect nothing serious in terms of emotional stability and just enjoy being spoiled (so long as you fuck him and stay arm candy), or you can leave (recover from the trauma of being SA) and find someone who actually gives a fuck about you.
Age gap or not, your boyfriend is a complete tool. He lacks empathy, understanding, compassion, and is incredibly selfish and domineering to boot. A loser all around who deserves to get lost.
My boyfriend is 15 years older than me, and we’ve been together since I was 22…I don’t have any issue with equal, caring, loving, responsible relationships between adults of different ages. But your boyfriend is the type who gives older men a truly bad and disgusting name. He is dating you not because he appreciates and loves you as an individual woman, but because he gets off on controlling someone with (most likely) less life experiences and less financial security. He doesn’t want an equal partner, he wants someone who he sees as lesser.
Save yourself years of heartache and ditch him as soon as you get back home. There’s a reason this dude is dating someone much younger, and it is not because he thinks you’re a wonderful girlfriend.
He wants someone who’s younger and vulnerable for control. It isn’t worth it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I can only expect his demands and behaviour will escalate, I’d get out as soon as possible
This is such a horrible treatment of a victim of a heinous crime. It very brave of you to start engaging in an activity you were a victim of to please an unfeeling boyfriend. He clearly is taking advantage of your youth and financial status.
You seem to be delayed by his wealth and let him manipulate you into giving in. If you choose to stay with him, expect more of this behavior to persist and you to be the one constantly compromising. I wouldn’t leave this man but I’m not in your shoes. You have to weigh your pros and cons.
This early in your relationship is among the best the relationship will be. If you are this unhappy now what do you expect for the future?
In case this is not pure fiction. I generally don’t share the sub’s mantra that agegaps are inherently evil, but they CAN be and this most certainly is a very clear example of that. Totally abusive behaviour. Having said that, even if you were the same age, you should still dump his ass ASAP.
Not worth it.
Especially since hea’s making all kinds of accusations to pressure you to get his way. It’s a hallmark of an abusive partner.
Go away sweetie
Yeah, he’s ten years older than you and expect you to comply with his every demand for sex. That’s not a partner, that’s a predator.
The lack of empathy and the accusations to me, prove that he’s a predator after a naive (sorry) young woman.
Who cares about his wealth. You’ll never be well off if you’re expected to be subservient to him. There’s more to life than money and that shouldn’t even factor in.
The fact that your refers sex as “giving it” instead of having it… Girl, no. Leave. Break up. Get therapy.
This place is less real every day.
HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE EVEN IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS? I read post after post and want to bang my head in the wall. Like what???? Do you really need strangers to tell you how disgusting and repulsive his behavior is? That he cares 0 about you and your well being??? Come on people, use some common sense!! If someone has been raped, I would expect at least 6 months, before even thinking of being intimate…..
I believe we know you are conflicted about all this, but since you put it out there that he can definitely Help you Out well then that flips the script.
First off, No, this relationship is not Worth It because you are allowed, and Must Be Allowed your time to Heal and Recover in whatever way you need to. Being forced to have sexual intercourse Is Abuse and you Should not Tolerate it. If it did happen that he forced you to lay with him then That is Rape and you could report that if you wanted to.
If you Don’t feel that you were forced in anyway and you are Safe with your Boyfriend, I feel that the Best thing you can Do in to Leave as soon as you Possibly can to find your Healing space.
Nothing is worth being forced.
He is mean, controlling, abusive and manipulative. He cares a lot more about your body than your feelings. Break up and move on. This man is not a good partner. Leave him now and move on with your life.
There’s a reason he’s not with someone his age. Leave. The dinners and trips aren’t worth it
Obviously NOT. Also, what kind of grown man dates a barely-legal person? This all is bad
Ditch him
This guy is gross
RUN!!
I’m sorry he made your trauma an inconvenience to HIM? Girl please run, don’t walk
Dump him today,
You have to leave him for two reasons.
M28? And F18? Cmon, why do women do this to themselves? Why would a nearly 30 year old guy be with an 18 year old, of course this is how he behaves, leave him, give yourself chance to heal.
I just need one post from a woman on Reddit not to be a deeply concerning cry for help. Cmon OP. This is so very wrong and you know it. Please get some help. Please.
What was your relationship status when the rape happened? All rage about his behavior aside, any guy would expect you to report the rape to the police and find out if it’s proven.
A 28 y/o dating a 19y/o is weird first of all + he doesn’t have a little bit of emotions how can he say these things to a person who has went through this he is such a red flag
Pushing thirty, dating a teen. He’s a shit person.
Pressuring a teenage rape victim? He’s a predatory, abusive shitstain.
“giving it to him”
Please listen to me; if you’re having s x when you don’t want to get out. If you want sex to be a transaction for vacations money and nice things this is a job, not a relationship, and you should quit when you don’t want to work there anymore.
You just described what sounds like him raping you while at the same time berating you for being raped.
Him wanting sex 3 times a day and insisting you ” prove” your own rape from months ago are both huge red flags. This dude sounds like a psycho and no matter what you get from him in terms of money won’t be worth the damage to your spirit and your safety.
There’s a reason he’s basically buying an 18 year old girlfriend at his age. I’d get out and cut your losses. This all sounds physically and psychologically unsafe.
He’s ten years your senior and emotionally unintelligent. It’s not worth the risk of being assaulted again, no ma’am! Get rid of him.
*checks age gap* *The guy who wooed a 18yo with 28yo money is not very mature or empathetic* this either gotta be ragebait or just immediately leave him. Some money isn’t worth your phisical integrity.
This is why we don’t take any gift or money over $50 from any man until you’re engaged to him. He’s purchased something for his money and that thing is the ability to treat you however he likes.
This man is not going to help you out in life
Bro ok so two things. Your boyfriend is a large hunk of excrement. The way his reactions sound he might actually be turned on about your horrible experience. Secondly, why are you still there? You just mentioned that you’re on a vacation which doesn’t sound cheap overseas somewhere? Are you there for the money if that’s the case how much do you really care about yourself? I say that to say once you didn’t give you the empathy that you rightfully deserve and give you the space that you rightfully need you should’ve dipped
This age gap is concerning only considering your age. Red flag. He may think you are easier to manipulate since you are so young.
Leave. He ain’t worth it.
Man here.
This guy is a monster. Run away. He doesn’t care about you in the slightest
He clearly is putting his own horny wants ahead of your feelings. OP, he doesn’t really care for you. I’m sorry, but he is using you for sex. Please break up as soon as you get home and are in a safe place.
Like… its already a ridiculous rule that doesn’t really map, but he doesn’t even meet the half plus 7 rule. Dude is told old to you, and also abusive.
Run, dont walk.
He’s only dating an 18 year old because it’s legal at that point. He’d go lower if he could. People get blinded by the money to see how disgusting this behavior is.
Leave him NOW!
He doesn’t give a shit about you, once you no longer serve him he will kick you to the curb and go after another 18 year old. There’s a reason he targeted someone much younger her than him. Someone he can manipulate into doing whatever he wants. He wants a sex doll not a partner. Get out before it gets worse. Nothing is worth staying.
Get rid of that little boy
I want to make sure that you understand that him pressuring you into sex when you don’t want to do it, while possibly not violent, is also rape. When you tell someone you do not want to have sex, that means you are not consenting. You have the right to withhold or withdraw consent at any time, for any reason, and you do not have to share the reason if you do not want. When you do not give consent and your boyfriend continues to pressure you until you finally give in, that is called coercion. It is rape.
Please leave this man and I would also strongly encourage you to get into therapy. What you’ve been through is really serious stuff.
Sending love.
What are you going to do now Op after reading the comments?
not just the age is concerning. but total red flag to be angry at you for not wanting sex—despite your trauma. he should respect your wishes, he doesn’t—which means he doesn’t respect you. Leave him, he doesn’t deserve you at all
He’s a selfish red flag. When you get home, dump him. This is not supportive husband behavior. Is it?
No wonder women his age won’t date him
No amount of money should ever be the reason for staying in a emotionally abusive relationships for your mental health
Stopped reading when I saw the age gap. Bro he is almost 30; did you never ask yourself why women his age don’t want anything to do with him? Cuz this shit is the exact reason why.
You’re 18. Your frontal lobe won’t develop for another 7 years. You’re as far from brain maturity as you are from being 11. You’re halfway between who you were at that age, and having a mental capacity to detect when you’re being manipulated. This is why this man is with you, and not a woman his age. It’s not your youthful beauty, but immaturity that attracted him.
You’ve been through terrible trauma just a fortnight ago, and your “boyfriend” has consistently exhibited complete lack of empathy. He has coerced you into having sex multiple times – which is a crime in Italy punishable by up to 12 years imprisonment. French law is sadly very behind in matters of sexual violence, but if you’re still in Italy then legally YOU ARE A VICTIM OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE PERPETRATED BY YOUR “BOYFRIEND”. Your “boyfriend” is a sex offender, no better than your rapist. Your “boyfriend” is your abuser. He knows that. His actions are deliberate. You are not his first victim. You won’t be the last. You need to prioritise your safety and wellbeing.
If still in Italy, please consider contacting police. They have fast-track system for DV, rape and SA called Codice Rosso” (code red) investigations and prosecution. Ask your “boyfriend” to let you use hotel spa or something, anything where you are with a female member of staff who speaks English and away from him. Use that opportunity to explain your situation and ask for help – police and your country’s consulate.
If you’re in France, it’s sadly easier and safer to appease your abuser so you can get back home in one piece. Your physical safely is paramount, don’t risk it.
Once you accept how vile and criminal your “boyfriend” is it won’t be easy, but it is worth the growth and resilience you will develop. This man is a skilled abuser and I’m certain you had the most wonderful time with him – that’s how he groomed you! Abusers don’t start their vile actins right away, they groom and wait until you are trapped by illusion of love. You need to get away from this man and focus on healing. This relationship won’t get better – it started precisely because you were vulnerable to manipulation, and can only get worse, the longer you remain in it. No material goods or luxury experiences are worth the soul-destroying abuse that is guaranteed to come. The sooner you get out, the sooner you will be able to rebuild what both your rapists destroyed.
Well you’ve given a huge clue, you said he is wealthy and can help you out in life, the converse is he probably sees you as a commodity he is paying for, if that is the vibe in your relationship/arrangement.
If that’s what you want then don’t expect him to care about your emotions, also when you are old and don’t meet his needs anymore don’t be surprised when he exchanges you for a different model.
According to your post history you turned 18 last October (9 months ago) you should probably reconsider dating a man that’s 10 years older than you.
Only you know how you feel. If he loves you, he should be supportive.
What a horrible person, also what kind of 28-year-old dates a 19 year-old there’s something wrong with his brain already clearly.
Yes stay with him for his money? Can’t be seriously considering this because we all can guarantee things will go horribly wrong. Now that you’re an adult life is going to throw you many obstacles to deal with. This guy decided that you owe him for the trip and need to pay with sex.
And it’ll just get worse from here on out.
Staying with him is not worth it. This guy is a predator. He’s coercing you into having sex. He’s accusing you of cheating when you were raped. You’re really young and this guy is really old and creepy. Please get away
Also when you describe sex as “giving it to him” that’s worrisome. It sounds like you’re not getting anything or any pleasure or any activities that you would like during sex…
He sounds like another predator! Get away from him you are not a gf to him but an object! 10 year age difference is terrible what age did you even meet him! Get home to your family and get into therapy asap
He doesn’t care about you, leave him asap.
Ok so a few things:
First of all: no, absolutely not to everything you just wrote. What happened to you is 100% not your fault and you don’t deserve to be together with someone like this. You will find someone who loves you deeply one day but you need time to heal.
Second: Sex is not something you GIVE it’s something both do and it shouldn’t happen when one of you isn’t comfortable.
Someone wrote in the comments “Do you really need a strangers opinion to tell you that his behavior is abusive / disgusting” (can’t remember it properly anymore) but I just thought YES 100%.
What do you need people to tell you? Are you happy? No? LEAVE!!
He’s well off is the money worth this abuse!!!! I’d starve before I’d let him near me, be smart leave
No. Staying with him is not worth it.
Your boyfriend sucks. Any 28 year old dating an 18 year old is a fucking creep.
Stop being bothered with men… that’s alll they want from you is sex? Focus on yourself and quit listening to there lies… he’s only talking to you because he’s sick and like children
I don’t wanna always go after the age gap, but barely legal 18 with someone almost in their 30’s doesn’t sound like the best mix for a relationship. Leave, explore your options with people around your age and live life away from that a hole
You shouldn’t date if that’s the case.. All you need is good friends and counseling
ignoring the complete red flag that is a guy my age being with someone freshly out of high school?????
there’s a reason he’s almost 30 dating teenagers. people his age probably see through the BS. please run girl. it’s not okay to be forced to have sex regardless of your assault. you could just not want it and that’s reason enough. the fact that he’s making it your fault and basically accusing you of promiscuity as a result is telling you all you need to know. this guy is a creep and you need to run far away.
Do I really have to say it
WTF. Run as far away from this man as possible.
Get away from him! He does not respect women at all! Also, if he is accusing you of cheating, he is probably cheating. Run and don’t look back. Your life and safety are more important than his feelings. As a SA survivor, I can honestly say that his response is not out of love or care for you. He is a selfish, manipulative boy and not worth your time. I also HIGHLY recommend you go to therapy for your assault if you already aren’t.
Hmm, absolutely not. You should leave someone like that. What a jerk!
Is it worth it- HELL NO!! I have been married for 25 years. At about year 20, I started processing a lot of stuff that happened to me way before my husband entered the picture.
I have gone to therapy, done EMDR, working through my past trauma and my husband has been 100% supportive of my journey. And inability to have sex sometimes, and desire yet having to stop mid act others and he is just so “whatever you need baby I am here for you energy”
I feel like I have won the jackpot but honestly isn’t this how someone should be treated who has been sexually assaulted? With tenderness, care, and sympathy. And it has been going on for 5 YEARS!! He is patiently, lovingly, tenderly, nurturing me back to health. And even though our love life isn’t what I want it to be, It is SO MUCH better than those first 20 years (before I was conscious of the
Horrors I experienced as a child) I would disassociate, and 100% focus on him & what he needed sexually and complete tun out from my own body and what I desired sexually. Now I realize that was just a symptom of my early childhood grooming of abuse.
My husband and I are closer now than ever and he says things like “I never want to hurt you, or do anything you’re uncomfortable with” 😭 so many tender vulnerable moments I would have never been able to experience with him if I would have kept my sexual abuse from him and just played along like nothing was wrong.
Trust me, the BODY DOES keep the score, start dealing with the abuse you suffered now, do not wait until you’re almost 50 like me, you deserve healing now.
And leave this man immediately. He does not care about you.
Send him straight to hell ❤️
uuuuh girl you realise you’re waaay to young for him?! why the fuck is a full on adult dating a “i feel old for my age” person. like yes it’s legal. but what the fuck?
Omg hun this is horrific. Please leave this monster
He’s no better than the guy that assaulted you. I’d dump his ass and have nothing to do with him ever again, no contact.
He’s taking advantage of you. That age difference is gross. He’s using your youth and inexperience in life to take advantage of you. Please find someone safe to help you leave him.
He doesn’t want a partner, he wanted to bring along a barely legal sex doll. He should’ve hired an escort to accompany him but since he was too cheap to do that, he’s treating you as though you’re expected to sexually perform at his beck and call. That’s not how normal human beings behave. If you can’t escape this so called vacation early, try to bide your time until you get home safely and then never see him again. Please do what you need to do to stay safe. Men like him who think people are objects can become violent when they don’t get what they want.
Get a great boyfriend and seriously get some therapy. I had to get therapy after my date rape.
If you don’t think you can do it where you are (a poster local to those areas will give better advice there than me) then just get yourself back safe, dump, block, and take time to heal. Sooner the better though.
first of all, I am very sorry for what happened to you. it’s horrible and I really hope you are taking to a therapist…
the fact that you see sex as something you are giving to him says a lot about your relationship and your internal view of intimacy… there is a lot you need to work on yourself, because you should never do something like that if it isn’t what you want
this guy sounds like a major asshole, without even pointing out the fact that the age difference is problematic to begin with
“is staying with him worth it?”
… Absolutely not. 100% not.
Your bf is an immature a**hole. His response to you being raped was to pressure you into sexual activity you didn’t want. Coercion is not consent, and where i live that would also constitute assault.
OP, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t have sex you don’t want to have. Don’t frame it as “giving it” to him, because a good partner will care about what you want, too, and won’t browbeat you into doing something you don’t enthusiastically want.
Oh, yeah, and that age gap in is a big red flag. Women his own age wouldn’t put up with his shit because they have enough life experience to know he’s a problem and that there are better men out there. I hope you learn that, too, OP.
He’s just as bad as your rapist. Honestly. As a father of 3 adult daugthers, this makes my blood boil. Buy a ticket home and never look back.
>I (F19) … my boyfriend (M28)
Immediately 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No.dont walk, run.
No 28 year old man should be in a relationship with a 18 / 19 year old girl. You are being used. He is not going to help you get ahead in life, he has demonstrated that he selfish and has little to no concern for your wellbeing.
I’m 29 and would never date or talk to someone your age who wasn’t family. I’d feel like a complete creep. You’re completely innocent and got abused by him. Leave safely and don’t stay with him ever again. He’s not to be trusted.
Just because he’s your boyfriend doesn’t mean he can’t rape you. If you’re having sex 3+ times a day where you do want it… you need to leave him and get into therapy immediately.
Just leave him, he doesn’t like or love.
And he absolutely doesn’t care for your feelings, if he cared he would do or say any of that sh*t!
I don’t even need to read the body. I just read the title. LEAVE!!
Someone else will treat you way better but you’ll never find them while tied to this POS
You’re dating a 28yo bum as a 18yo girl.. why tf in the first place………
Get rid of him hunny I was raped at a house party on my 18th birthday, I am now 41 I never ever enjoyed se after that night or even wanted to do it and on top of that the person I was with for 20 years made it all about him but he didnt understand that I just didnt want it at all with anyone at all not even myself, I would only do it coz he would hound me all the time and there was multiple time that I would end up crying my eyes out during, anyways 20 years later I found someone new that gets me and he unlocked something inside me and now I cant get enough of him, it takes time and the right partner to heal from being raped and in my case I was sooo lucky to find that special someone, he just an amzong person inside and out nd I adore him so much, he healed me in so many ways, so my advice is get rid of ur bf he doesn’t care at all about u, be by yourself and wait till u find someone that gets every part of u, trust me its worth the wait
Date someone your own age, not this creepy monster
Babe that is also sexual assault – badgering you until you give in. He’s dating you because no woman his age would put up with this, he’s too old for you and he’s taking advantage of you. Run.
We need to have an IQ test before people are allowed to post. “My (15f) boyfriend (80m) rped me, how do I learn to cook his favorite meal?” Honestly I’m done with this place sometimes. Maybe a flair where the stupid ones just gets labeled stupid so we can filter out the dumb posts
>He’s very well off and can definitely help me out in life
This shouldn’t even be part of the equation.