About this time last year, me and my bf broke up. He cited my instability. I had a hard time believing people could love me and I wasn’t trusting of him. In the two years we were together I was prone to pushing him away at every chance I got. He got tired of having to fight me on whether or not he really loved me. So we split after I graduated high school, I went off and worked and learned and genuinely changed for the better. He did not. But he wanted to get back together. We never stopped being friends and we were on good terms so I was open to the idea.
When we started seeing each other again things were better than ever. I could finally drive so we could finally go and actually do things together, go on little trips, I could visit him whenever he wanted. It was great. Things are so good that, even with him going off to college soon, he was still adamant on being together and having me visit. But he’s started to pull away again.
My boyfriend flips between valuing and completely devaluing his relationships with everyone he cares about. He is autistic, he believes he may be borderline and his parents don’t believe his issues are real, so for years tthey’ve blocked him from getting therapy and medication. They’re wealthy people who claim the meds are too costly. They’re self obsessed people who claim that their “precious little girl” (we’re both trans) has been taken from them by… time? They refuse to believe his struggles are real because it looks bad for them, basically. They’re scared that he’s grown up and created an identity for himself. And now the boy I love thinks he is an intrinsically bad person who is undeserving of love “built only to hurt people” who is “completely hopeless” and “doesn’t even want to try to change because it’s too hard.” Like genuinely I have to sit and reassure him that he is not a bad person and that there is nothing intrinsic to his brain chemistry that makes him morally bad. He calls himself evil.
He says he wakes up some days and doesn’t want anything to do with me and he doesn’t know why. He thinks it’s wrong, I tell him hey, it’s okay to need space, it’s normal to get tired of people as young as we are. But he says he knows that the pendulum always swings back and that he loves me more than anybody. He knows that both of these states are unhealthy, obsession and abandon. He does this with friends, too. TV shows as well. He will be around them for days at a time and then suddenly “get sick” of them and complain to me about how annoying he finds them, how much more grown up he is. He’s recently found a tight group of friends and he’s worked his way in. They seem inseparable at the moment. He hasn’t spoken to me since we last talked about his issues a few nights ago. I have a feeling the same thing could happen with them.
For the time being he’s agreed with me that he should probably seek out some help when he is able to. He says he’s willing to change and that he wants us to stick together. I am ready to weather that storm for him, because I really truly love him. I am also ready to break things off if he should facilitate an ending. I’ve been there before.
It’s a difficult thing to navigate. When he wants me it’s amazing. We laugh and love and he feels like the most genuine person in a world of awful people. When he doesn’t want me I feel like a beat up toy who did something wrong. I don’t know what to do in the long run.
TL;DR bf of 2 and a halfish years who I was briefly broken up with suddenly fluctuates between caring and not caring about almost everyone in his life and I don’t know what I can do for him.