So my (F20) boyfriend (M21) gets upset when my cousin (M21) who is a guy, offers to buy me things, or anything about giving me stuff in general. I just need an outsiders opinion. I don’t really understand because that’s my cousin who I’m close with (they are also close. They’ve known each other since middle school and are best friends). But he says he doesn’t know why he keeps offering to get me things, and that he’s the boyfriend, So he should stop. And that I should stop accepting his gifts.
The few things he has gotten me for example: A haikyuu funko with a signature from hinata’s dub VA, offers to pay for me AND my boyfriends food (because sometimes we don’t have the money for it) and just other little things that I like.
For me, I don’t understand because if someone is offering to get me something, I wouldn’t decline since it’s free, and something I like. Plus it just seems like a nice gesture to me because I do the same to people as well. But to him, it’s another guy giving me stuff. I just don’t understand that part because he’s just a close cousin to me. He’s currently living with my family due to family issues, and we are really close like brother and sister. I totally understand the whole “a guy keeps buying you stuff.” But this “guy” is only my cousin. I didn’t say he was wrong, I was telling him to make me understand since I didn’t, and he just kept saying that, so I’m here asking for an outsiders perspective on this situation.
Me personally I don’t see whats wrong with it. It’s just a cousin who’s willing to get me things and I get it for free. But my boyfriend doesn’t see it that way. I don’t know what I should do with this. Can you let me know your thoughts and help me out?
TL;DR – my cousin who is a guy gifts me things from time to time, and my boyfriend doesn’t like it because it’s another guy giving me stuff, but I don’t see the issue because he’s my cousin and we’re like brother and sister.
Comments
Your boyfriend is weird.
Your boyfriend sounds very insecure and a bit silly. It sounds like het gets upset because he sees your cousin as possible competition. And a cousin is typically not competition.
*insert Alabama jokes here*
Does your boyfriend have any cousins? Can he imagine buying something for them, especially when he has the money and they don’t. Because this sounds normal. Also, the whole “another man” argument generally icks me when guys use it.
Your cousin sounds like a nice person!
Toxic insecurity and jealousy. Just be open and talk to him about it. You can’t control how he feels, and he can’t control your cousin’s actions.
You could try arranging a meeting between the two of them so they each have a chance to get to know one another — it might help your boyfriend feel less insecure.
But if he refuses, or if he tries to manipulate you into stopping the gifts or cutting contact with your cousin, it’s better to set clear boundaries. If he respects those boundaries, that’s great. If not, it may be best to end the relationship.
I don’t think it’s exactly the competition thing. More like, he feels like he should be able to provide for you and it sounds like sometimes he can’t. Or not to the same level as your cousin. So he gets embarrassed.