For some context we’ve been together for about 2 years and my boyfriend has really bad anxiety, but refuses to get on medication, go to therapy, etc. He has bad anxiety and overthinks whenever we’re not together. We see each other around 3 times a week (one sleepover, and one extra hangout) but he still is constantly saying it isn’t enough for him. There is this trip my parents have invited me to go on to visit their home country. I’ve never been there and I don’t know when I will be able to ever go there with them again. We’ve been talking about it for a year, and I brought it up to my boyfriend around 3 months ago. It will be for two weeks and initially my parents offered to take him with, if he covered his plane tickets, but once he learned the prices he decided he most likely cannot come, and since then he’s been begging me not to go. He said he can’t handle two weeks apart, and when I told him I confirmed the trip with them already, he got very upset that I went through with it even though he said he expressed it would hurt him a lot. Even though I told him that I’m not sure when the opportunity to travel with them will come again, he insists that I either have my parents post-pone their trip for another year when he can afford it, figure out a way for him to come along, or I just shouldn’t go because it will hurt him a lot.
I honestly don’t know what to do, I feel like he’s completely ignoring my reasoning for wanting to go, we can handle 2 weeks apart. The trip won’t be for a few more months, and I told him I will call him every night and text everyday but he doesn’t seem to care. He is constantly just telling me how anxious, upset, hurt and sleep deprived he is over it. What do I do?
TL:DR my boyfriend is begging me not to go on a 2 weeks family trip after finding out he can’t afford to come along. He is anxious about it and is upset with me for confirming the trip, and it’s put a strain in our relationship.
Comments
If he broke his leg and refused to get crutches or a cast is it your responsibility to carry him when he wants to go for a hike?
It sounds like your boyfriend is not mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship. He needs to make moves to get himself better. OP, I really hope you choose to take this potentially once in a lifetime opportunity and enjoy your trip, even if he tries to drag you down with him!
Go on the trip. He needs meds and therapy if his anxiety is that bad.
>For some context we’ve been together for about 2 years and my boyfriend has really bad anxiety, but refuses to get on medication, go to therapy, etc.
The worry that I have is that you have unwittingly been made his enabler.
Instead of addressing his anxiety in a sensible and healthy way by seeing a professional or the like instead he forces the issues onto you, always forcing you to conform or console him. Really reflect on how much of your relationship has been you helping him deal with his anxiety, think about how much of what you do and how you live your life has already been adjusted to cater to his needs.
And maybe this is just the line he crossed that neither of you realised was too far. Like really consider he had no hesitation or shame asking you to not go, or to ask your parents to postpone to cater to him. I suspect if it’s just you bending over backwards for him you can play it off but when you start having to get your parents to contort for him that forces you to see how toxic this really is.
Further, you lose either way here. If you give up the trip you think about that for the rest of your life. This really is likely the last time you’ll be able to do something like this. But if you go he will use it as a weapon against you for the remainder of the relationship until you just completely burn out. He’s already started that process.
Your partner should be supporting you to do things you want to do, not dragging you down and asking you to miss out on opportunities/experiences.
It’s two weeks. How incompetent or emotionally pathetic is he that he cant handle that by himself?
Is this the kind of partner you want?
Go on the trip, don’t let him convince you to text or call him every 90 minutes, have a lovely time making memories with your parents, and bring him home a souvenir keychain. He should NOT be demanding that you stay home. This is a fantastic opportunity for you and you would regret not going.
>I told him I will call him every night and text everyday but he doesn’t seem to care.
Don’t do this. You are just enabling his anxiety. He needs to be a big boy and sort his shit out. You need to tell him so.
Go on the trip and end the relationship with the BF. Perhaps that will motivate him to get his act together.