I just found out from one of the women that he has been telling her and other women (she mentioned at least one other that she knew of) every so often that we’d broken up and he was single at that moment so he could hook up with them. I had seen minorly suspicious behaviour sometimes and mentioned it, but always got a realistic explanation and I assumed good intent from my partner so I have been unknowingly getting cheated on for years. I feel both deeply deeply hurt and betrayed, as well as numb at the same time. I haven’t confronted him yet because I want to get more details out of her before I let him ruin her as a source for me.
He told me during an argument last week how he had been tired of me for some time, but took it back as soon as the discussion progressed towards resolution. Now it’s on my mind constantly. How long have I been fighting for a relationship with somebody who wants to get away from me? Why did he not just break up with me? How did I not see the signs? I consider myself reasonably intelligent, so how could I allow myself to be fooled like this?
On the one hand I don’t expect him to tell me anything really so I feel like I shouldn’t even ask and just ghost but on the other I am afraid to assume she is speaking the truth without confronting him and losing something I thought was good over possible lies – though I really don’t think they are.
I want to know if anyone sees how I can walk away from this with answers, as well as dignity and peace?
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if he was unsatisfied with the relationship, he should’ve ended it, instead of cheating. I think he was just trying to be with as many women as he can at once. 🤷🏾♀️
get a lot of detail so that you know for sure that this actually happened, and she’s not just making it up.
Same thing happened to me
You didn’t “let yourself” be fooled, you trusted him because you yourself were trustworthy. You couldn’t see it, only because he didn’t want you to. He actively put effort into deceiving you to protect his own interests. Don’t blame yourself for that
The way I wish I left, personally, was obscuring the fact that I knew at all, and leaving him with the insecurity of not knowing why he was no longer wanted. I was very thorough in my explanations of why it was over so my ex had a very 2+2=4 experience, meanwhile my mental health was a mess for a while. Whole sense of reality destroyed. Lol that might be petty of me but I didn’t like how he did the wrongdoing and got to walk away with nothing to heal from. If I told him any reason I wish it had been his greatest insecurity. Again, petty, but alas 😛
If you want to have a measured honest convo about it though, go for it! Maybe you are mature enough not to regret it later lol
I have a response on a different post that I’ll tag here on coping with betrayal
Edit: Thoughts on coping with betrayal
Dump him and get tested, OP.