When I (F25) was with my boyfriend (M25) I kept seeing the same girl in his Instagram search history. I ended up asking about it and he told me they hooked up on a contiki trip 2 years ago. Then he admitted that he would continuously look her up and got off to her throughout our entire relationship (1 year). He said that he found her attractive and he already had me so this was his guilty pleasure.
He also said he does the same thing with a couple of other girls he knows personally and follows too, like normal photos- not nudes. It honestly made me feel so sick. I never saw myself in his search bar once. I just felt like I was loving him and being there and meanwhile he was thinking about someone else, someone he actually hooked up with.
When I asked him to delete her he got really weird and kept saying stuff like that’s not going to solve the real issue. Eventually he did delete her but it felt like I had to beg for basic respect. He said he felt like a loser for doing it and he knew it was wrong and won’t do it again, but I still don’t know if he actually gets why it hurt me. Like why can’t he just watch normal porn?
We aren’t talking at the moment and I’m trying to figure out if I’m being too sensitive or if this is actually messed up. Is this something guys actually think is okay?
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You Are not sensetive at all if that was my bf i would be so furious. Get a bf that loves you and only you. I promise you that somebody sane in their head would love you unconditionally. And once you find that you will never look back!!
i would consider this cheating, breakup u deserve so much better
Listen to what he’s telling you ie deleting her isn’t going to solve the real issue. Either seek to address what’s wrong in your relationship or break up.
Sorry girl, but I’m here to validate the red flag. It’s fucked up. I’d be pissed, you talked about regular porn and personally that’s no issue to me either. Masturbating to girls he could talk to would be an issue, slippery slope to falling into their DM’s. I’m in a “are we dating the same guy” group and it’s embarrassing how many woman say “oh yeah, this guy your seeing has been DMing me for weeks!” The fact that he made you beg to delete her, that’s also low and makes me wonder if he’d just re-add, or find someone else to look at.
I’m not saying “he’s with you and be damned if he thinks about anyone else” either, but this sounds like going out of his way to find and repeatedly looking at pics of girls he knows. That’d be a clear nope line for me.
I’m sorry this sucks, my heart goes out to you. You can find better n
Yeah he disrespected you, and yeah break up with him
But realistically, your boyfriends are always going to get off to people they know – whether it’s a photo on social media or just a memory. That’s just how people work. So you can tell him to stop jerking it to Instagram but he’ll probably just close his eyes and think of the same girl
At some point you need to accept that it’s impossible to control who your partner masturbates to
You’re definitely valid for this and actually had a pretty good way of handling it. Definitely leave him
I’d break up. This is def a deal breaker.
That’s disgusting and it’s cheating. Gross.
Don’t let him blur the line by saying it’s porn, this obviously crossed every boundary