Okay, so I need some outside perspective because this feels weird and I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. My (F25) boyfriend (M27) is obsessed with Eminem’s Relapse, like it’s his go-to album for everything, car rides, you name it. (All his spotify wrapped top songs were from this album) I’ve never had an issue with his music taste before, but the more I actually listen to the lyrics, the more uncomfortable I get.
This album is full of graphic, violent fantasies about murdering women, rape, and just… really disturbing shit. Like, “Stay Wide Awake” has him singing:
“Hi, there girl, you mighta heard of me before, see, whore, you’re the kind of girl that I’d assault and rape, then figure why not try to make your pussy wider / Fuck you with an umbrella then open it up while the shit’s inside ya”
“Impregnate a lesbian, yeah, now let’s see her have triplets, and I’ll disintegrate them babies as soon as they’re out her with formaldehyde and cyanide, girl, you can try and hide, you can try to scream louder”
And “Same Song & Dance” is literally about kidnapping and killing women, and has an intro skit of a lady being kidnapped and screaming that makes me extremely uneasy. Especially when we’re going somewhere like out to dinner and it’s blasting from his car.
I get that it’s “just music” and Eminem’s whole thing is shock value, but I brought it up to him, and his response was to laugh it off and say I was “overthinking it” because “it’s just music.” But here’s the thing- it’s not just music to him. This is his favorite album ever. He chooses to listen to it constantly. He defends it. And when I tried to explain why it makes me uncomfortable, he acted like I was the weird one for being bothered by lyrics about violently murdering and raping women.
It’s not even about censorship. I don’t care if he listens to it sometimes. But the fact that he’s this into it, and brushes off my discomfort, makes me wonder if he’s missing the point. Am I being dramatic? Has anyone else dealt with a partner who’s weirdly attached to violent media? Like, does he actually enjoy this content, or is he just numb to it? Am I being too sensitive or is it a legit red flag? How do I explain this without sounding like I’m controlling?
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That song is written about a first person perspective about a serial killer. Did you even bother to listen to the song lol it’s not meant to be literal it’s a fictional narrative. Just say you don’t like the album it’s fine. At the end of the day it is just music even if it is his fav album that changes nothing
I should add the issue here is that he doesn’t listen to their feelings about the music didn’t think I needed to state that but people are slow. Just break up it’s not that complicated lmao
Yeah nah, I wouldn’t even be friends with someone like your boyfriend. Even Eminem mentioned somewhere during his career that he regrets that shit.
I’d be worried for my life, no idea what keeps you around.
I don’t think you’re being dramatic at all. I think the music one listens to says a lot about them. I don’t think he even realizes the meaning of the lyrics he is listening to. I like violent media but that means i like gore and watching assholes get murdered in a show. That does not mean i like listening to songs about perpetrating violence against people who are, in reality, being oppressed and murdered and raped. Its crossing a line for me, and i think it might be worth a serious conversation to have with him. If he doesn’t listen to you about it or calls your dramatic, that’s a whole other issue. This shit happens to women in real life and is fucking traumatizing and scary, and for him to make it his favorite album is concerning
I’m 5 years older than y’all and was an adolescent when Eminem was blowing up – I’m a huge fan. My (girl) friends and and I listened to these songs on repeat, one was so obsessed she even acted out Same Song & Dance to entertain us. It was not serious.
Liking the music wouldn’t bother me – Eminem is a well rounded person and an extremely talented poet.
Is he singing around you like to get a rise? I get how you’re uncomfortable, I also get that he’s gonna like the music regardless of how you feel about it. What I don’t get is why this is coming up so much that you’re being so negatively affected. Is he enjoying pushing your buttons?
Same advice I give all women who post in this sub: stop trying to fix men. Find the man who is right for you. You can’t fix people. People don’t change. I don’t know why this is so hard for people to accept.
Eminem is a story teller, all of his songs tell a story like movies on TV. Some people don’t like horror movies, but many do, and they’re not wrong for it. However, he is your boyfriend, and if it genuinely bothers you, he should consider not listening to it around you so that you can be comfortable when you hang out together. That should be important to him.
Some of Eminem’s songs are hilarious for how out there they are, people can enjoy it as dark humour without wanting to actually go commit crimes.
Before you take any action, I think it’s important to ask some key questions: How long have known each other and what does his behavior/history otherwise suggest?
I think you’re being overly sensitive and kinda controlling. This isn’t a red flag. If he were actually speaking about women the way those lyrics do in real life, that would be a red flag. But listening to his music doesn’t reflect someone’s character. He probably does enjoy the music and that is perfectly acceptable.
I don’t think him liking the album is an issue. But him discounting your feelings is.
There are some songs/albums I listen to, where my feminism just goes out the window. Eminem is one of them. However, if someone said they were uncomfortable with it, I wouldn’t listen to that music around them. It’s that simple.
For me with Eminem, I like the beat, I like the way he rhymes words, and I like the tone of his voice. But… again… I’m not going to say that he’s not problematic and I’m not going to play his music around someone that has issues with him.
I think you’re allowed to have your opinion on the music. The issue I think is that he’s listening to it when you don’t like and you’ve had a conversation about not wanting to listen to it but he disrespects your boundaries.
That is a much bigger issue than not liking an album and shows how he will respond to larger issues in the future.
Personally I’d have another convo about that and really stick to I statements. Like I don’t like listening to this and would rather listen to something else when we’re together. His response will show you how committed he is to your comfort and boundaries.
A 27yo man with the music taste of an edge lord middle school boy that you worry about… that umbrella stuff is disgusting, idc if that’s the point of the lyrics, him taking so much joy in them is gross and you need to let him know that you and any other decent person would be averse to hearing lyrics about violent rape.
If you’ve told him directly that it makes you uncomfortable and he continues to ignore that, I think you have your answer. You are not being dramatic – we are shaped in part by the media we consume. You don’t have to put up with this.
Music, like any other form of media, can have an unreliable or unlikable narrator. You can enjoy a song without necessarily approving of or relating to all of its lyrics.
Eminem is not my cup of tea, but he is genuinely a good rapper. He puts thought into what he does more than “shock value”, and from what I can tell, he’s using the narrative trope of an unlikable/unreliable narrator in ‘Stay Wide Awake’ in order to explore deeper themes. The same trope is used in Lolita or American Psycho.
Yes, it’s shocking. And yes, it’s understandably upsetting. But believing that your boyfriend enjoys graphic misogynistic violence because of it is like believing anyone who enjoys horror movies wants to kill people. That’s not really how it works.
However, just like horror movies aren’t for everyone, it’s perfectly okay that this music isn’t for you. While you shouldn’t police what your boyfriend listens to on his own time, it is absolutely reasonable that you ask that he not listen to it while you’re around.
Nobody wants to hear that shit. Everyone (normal) that I know is like “turn off the Eminem”. I keep forgetting that people actually enjoy his music. I don’t care that it’s “satire” or whatever it fucking sucks and he’s not that great of a rapper. I don’t understand what’s enjoyable about it the shit is ass there’s plenty of rap music that’s wayyyyy better than Eminem. Tell your bf to put on some Mac Miller or some Kendrick or something. Rant over.
Honestly I think you’re right to leave. A partner having taste in music that you’re casually annoyed with is one thing, but music where the guy is yelling about rape fantasies???? And your bf is acting like you’re insane for being uncomfortable??????? That would make me very uncomfortable I would have to go.
I don’t buy it when people say it’s just music. I thought the same thing at one point in my life, and now I wholeheartedly believe you are what you take in and who you associate with. I’d go the other way and find someone with better taste.
You are completely free to not like anything you want for any reason. Or no reason at all.
So no, you are not overreacting. He can like it if he wants, as well. But, headphones exist.