This week I had a flat tire and stopped at a gas station about 2 minutes away from work. My bf was about 25-30 minutes away with traffic. I called my best work friend and asked her if she could come and get me or help me change my tire. While she was on the phone with me, one of the male doctors overheard the conversation and said that he would help and come with her. I texted my boyfriend as they were on their way and let him know the situation. My boyfriend then replies that I should have had my actual bf fix it instead of my work bf. I got very upset and asked him why he would say that. He said that I am naive to not realize that he only changed my tire because I am an attractive female. All attempts of me trying to reason with him have failed. He doesn’t accept when I tell him that I am very respected at work and he was just helping me out because I was supposed to work for him today. He says that there is a 100% chance that the doctor went home and didn’t tell his wife about changing the “hot blondes tire at work”. I’m just very sad and confused because I was just doing what was the fastest thing possible to get me off of the road and back to work and I didn’t even call him or tell the male doctor to come help me.
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A man dating someone 16 years younger than him is insecure???? That’s ridiculous! /s
Does your bf only ever do favours for women hes attracted to so they’ll sleep with him?
Please see this for what it is, a giant red flag. Haven’t you asked yourself why a 45 year old cannot be with someone his age? EDIT: Also, he said it himself – he needs you to be naïve so he can be fucked up as he is and you don’t call him out on it.
What he’s saying is “I would never do something nice for a woman unless I wanted to sleep with her”. He can’t comprehend that other people just do kind things.
Hey you’re not wrong to feel the way you do, this is not your fault at all. It sounds like your bf has some insecurities/jealousy he needs to work through, is he in therapy? If you haven’t already, it might be a good idea to have sit down with him and discuss why he feels like this, I would try and go into the conversation calm and see if he may be open to therapy. This could become a bigger issue down the line, and become more of a controlling situation if it gets worse. If if gets worse, I might recommend you consider taking some time apart. It’s unfair for him to say that just because that coworker is a man that he cannot be near you because he “might” think you’re hot. Like…so what? But also, it’s unfair to put that on you, no one should be controlling who you get to interact with, much less because of gender.
Wow. Get rid of your bf and date your coworker. My ex-husband refused to change my tire when we were meeting his coworkers for lunch. Basically told the one “She knows how to change a tire.” The coworker of his was horrified and changed my tire, all while my then husband harassed me for not doing it myself. Definitely leave him. The doctor volunteered to do it and he came with your friend. Did your boyfriend think that he could have been trying to impress her? Bet not.
He needs to stop judging others by his own standards. You realise this is projection right?
He’s far too old for you. There’s a reason some middle age men target young women, and it’s not for your intellect and conversation, it’s because you’re easier to control. Im sure you won’t agree, I didn’t when I married a man 12 years older than me. 30 years later I can see that’s exactly what it was.
Your boyfriend is a creep who can’t imagine anyone of the opposite sex doing something nice without having bad intentions. Is he controlling about your other interactions with friends? Have you had to give up your male friends to be with him?
He sounds insecure and toxic. Stop trying to reason with him. You did nothing wrong.
Sounds like your boyfriend is still in high school not 45 years old. Time to get a new boyfriend.
there is a reason for that age gap…
Correct 100% he ain’t saying that to his wife. He’s saying he changed a tyre today and feeling pretty manly that he helped someone.
But as for your situation, yet again the age gap has to come into play. He knows he probably punching up and is scared he’ll lose you on day.
Go on the offencive. Call him to come open every door you come up to for a week. Carry your lunch to the table, drive you everywhere etc. If he wants the perfect bf job then give him some work.
16 years between you and he acts like a man-child. There is a reason why he is not with someone near his age and it is because women closer to his age won’t put up with his childish bull shit. Get someone closer to your own age and not this giant red flag waving moron. HIs attitude and jealousy will only get worse over time, what next won’t let you talk to males at all then the men in the family, till he takes away all you access to anyone who can help you and tells you it is for your own good..
Break up girl! He’s jealous and petty and honestly is way too old to be behaving like this. My husband would have happily changed a tyre for someone just to be kind, and the fact that your bf thinks everyone has ulterior motives is weird!
That tire wasn’t the only thing that needed to be changed.
Your bf just let you know that he would never help a woman if he didn’t want to fuck her. He’s not a nice person.
I would be VERY leery of continuing a relationship with someone who acts like that, it can and sounds like it is turning abusive… it takes two to tango and he clearly doesn’t trust you around anyone else.. which is to say that you can only be seen with him, associate with him or interact with him… which can become dangerous… be careful out there..
Your man-child is absolutely gross.
Learn to change a tire, dump that asshole and use the time to get some counselling and figure out why you are attracted to assholes who treat you like shit.
You’ll never break the cycle unless you figure out why you are attracted to gross abusive men.
He’s projecting a lot! He’s doing too much if there have other controlling incidents, I’d say leave him but if this is a first time, tell his ass to grow the fuk up! You can no more help how you look then he can help being middle aged! And how insulting to insinuate that a coworker wants you, maybe that guy is gay or happily married etc! Besides, a man can get as far as you decide.
My husband is the kind of man that would help anyone, male or female, without expectation of anything. He’s just that kind of person. A good human. I question if your BF is.
Red flag. He is 16 years older than. Did it ever occur to you that he is dating you because he thinks he can control someone younger? The jealousy thing is very suspicious. Your coworker did a nice thing and you bf thinks he is hitting on you? Dump the bf. He is manipulating you and attempting to gaslight you into thinking YOU are at fault. This will only get worse.
wittle baby man child has his ego hurt, what else is new?
There is a reason he can’t find a woman his own age.
Come on OP, you deserve someone so much better than this.
Ew get a new boyfriend. The age difference is a red flag, especially if you started dating when you were younger. The biggest ick is that he is incredibly insecure. The reason he thinks every man you meet is sexualizing you is because he does that to the women around him. He’s projecting his actual behavior on the men in your life.
He is an insecure twit. He wants to control you. His line of reasoning and thought process is so warped.
A 45 year old man who’s with someone almost 20 years younger isn’t with them because they relate to them. It’s ownership. He only sees them as a sex/service object and not an actual human partner. When you are 45 you will realize this. Of course he will be in his 60s and you will waste your life being his caretaker. That is unless he trades you in for a younger model.
You found a 🚩, RUN!
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