My (F30) boyfriend (M37) wants to have a bondage class with his gay friend that made sexual advances towards him

Hi guys, (burner account for obvious reasons)

I’m looking for some honest outside perspective on a situation that’s been bothering me. I’ve been with my boyfriend (M37) for a while, and we have a really solid relationship overall. I trust him and we communicate pretty well. But something’s come up that I just can’t go pass.

He has a close friend (a gay man) who has made repeated sexual advances toward him. It started months ago at a dinner party when the friend, while drunk, looked him in the eyes and said he wanted to perform a sexual act on him. We kind of brushed it off at the time as a drunk joke, even though I already felt weird about it.

Later, my boyfriend told me this same friend had sent him explicit texts again saying he wanted to do sexual things with him. My boyfriend said he shut it down, and that’s why they didn’t meet up as originally planned. I told him this really crossed a line and suggested he cut contact, but he said he’d just “have a conversation” with him.

Then more recently, my boyfriend told me (almost like a funny story) that this friend tried to suck his toes. He says he laughed it off and pushed him away, but I was honestly shocked he didn’t seem to take it more seriously.

Now here’s the latest thing: my boyfriend told me he wants to take a two-hour Shibari (rope bondage) class with this same friend. I know Shibari isn’t necessarily sexual in every context, but let’s be honest here, it is an extremely intimate, physical activity that requires a lot of trust and closeness.

Given everything that’s happened, I told him this really doesn’t sit right with me. I trust him not to cheat, but it feels like he’s not respecting the context of the situation or my emotional boundaries. He said we can talk when he’s back from his trip, and that he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable, which I appreciate—but I’m still struggling with the fact that he even thought this was okay.

I have voiced my concerns and how I felt, he said that he won’t go if I feel uncomfortable because he doesn’t want me to feel that way. But I can shake the feeling of disrespect, discomfort and disappointment. Why would he think it’s okay to accept this in the first place.

Any point of view on the situation and or advice?

TL;DR: My boyfriend wants to take a Shibari (rope bondage) class with a gay friend who’s repeatedly made sexual advances toward him—like sending explicit texts and even trying to suck his toes. I trust my boyfriend not to cheat, but this situation makes me really uncomfortable. I’ve told him how I feel, but he still seems okay doing this class with the guy. Am I overreacting for asking him not to go, or is it fair to feel like this crosses a boundary?l