I have been with my husband for over 20 years, and two years ago I found out he had an affair that lasted about a year. We’ve been trying to work things out for the sake of our family, but recently he admitted something that completely shattered me again.
Before he would go to see her for sex, he said he sometimes looked at pictures of me naked. I can’t stop thinking about how twisted and disrespectful that feels. It’s like he dragged me into his cheating in a way that makes it even harder to process.
I can’t tell if this is something other people have experienced or if it’s as abnormal as it feels to me. I’m stuck between thinking he was in some kind of mental chaos back then and feeling like this is unforgivable.
How do I even begin to make sense of this? Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Should I take this as a sign that he was still attached to me, or is it just further proof of how selfish he was?
How do I move forward from this? How do I stop replaying this in my head?
TL;DR:
Husband (39M) had a year-long affair two years ago. Recently admitted that he sometimes looked at naked pictures of me (37F) before going to sleep with his affair partner. I’m struggling to process this and feel like it’s an even deeper betrayal. How do I move forward?
Comments
…So how old are you and your husband?
My first thought is to ask you about your sexual relationship before and during the affair. Because it makes me think he was sleeping with somebody else but really just wanted you.
Tbh Though I am not a psychologist and this is therapy worthy. I mean so is the infidelity. So hopefully you’re doing that before Reddit.
How could you move forward from that ? That’s something you will never forget or forgive him for. Once cheating has happened, there’s no saving that relationship. And a two year affair? That’s over with. Never too late to start over again.
He was probably turned on by betraying you, the photos helped increase that feeling. The unfortunate reality is some people are just rotten to the core.
First step is divorce. Then therapy.
>How do I move forward from this?
You don’t, that is so fucked up, he wanted to see you naked before seeing someone else naked and cheating on you with them, I don’t think you can comeback from that.
This is fake rage bait. Delete.
This may sound tactless on my part, I apologize in advance. But could it be that you were not satisfactory to him as a partner? Maybe it’s because he gets aroused by the sight of you, and another girl does something in bed that he doesn’t get from you. I am in no way justifying cheating. He should have talked to you if he was not satisfied with something, not cheated. Once again, I apologize if this reasoning was tactless on my part.
Of all the things, you feel that was twisted and disrespectful?
You also don’t seem to know you and your husband’s ages?
Nice try ChatGPT.
He’s fucked up and probably thought this would be a compliment.
You don’t stay with someone because of family. Staying in a bad relationship and pretending everything is fine is a terrible experience for raising a family. It will cause more harm than good.