I received a text yesterday from my bf saying that the guys were meeting up today after work and he asked if I would drop him off. He said that today was a date that finally worked for all of them to finally meet. They typically get together for dinner and drinks, maybe a cigar. I was instantly upset when I received the message, but waited to respond because I didnt want to react on emotions. Today is our 8 year anniversary and he clearly forgot or just did not care. I responded and told him that I was glad the date worked for him (clearly I was being passive aggressive). Then I proceeded to express how upsetting it is that I or us as a couple are never a priority to him. Lately, maybe the last few years, it just seems like other things take priority over me as his partner. We got into an argument via text and his argument was that he hasn’t seen the guys in forever; that they have been going back and forth on dates and continuously post-poning because dates never worked for everyone and this time it finally did. He said, “we have all weekend to celebrate the anniversary.” I basically just told him to do whatever he wants. My biggest thing in a relationship is, if I have to ask for it, then I dont want it. I’m never going to force him or anyone to do something for me. Things have to be genuine. We haven’t spoken since the text. I slept on the couch last night. He just came home from work, showered, got ready, ordered a ride share, and left.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Wow. I’d leave. Period.
I would be looking into couple’s counseling to see if this relationship can be salvaged with some professional help.
“My biggest thing in a relationship is, if I have to ask for it, then I dont want it. I’m never going to force him or anyone to do something for me. Things have to be genuine.”
Same. Sorry to hear, OP.
If you’re going to wait to answer because you need to process your feelings, that’s valid. But waiting to answer and then being petty is messed up.
There’s a difference between not wanting something because you have to ask for it and being transparent about your needs and expectations, especially surrounding important dates.
I’m surprised that you both are behaving so immaturely based off of your ages. Both of you need to work on your communication and plan anniversaries in advance. If you want that day reserved for you, then communicate it.