Hey everyone, this is kinda a combo AITA/confession but I think I’m finally at my wits end and don’t know what to do. For context, my parents divorced back in 2016 when I was in high school and it’s never really been calm ever since. I won’t get into the nitty gritty because it’s unnecessary for this post but all I’ll say is my dad made a bunch of mistakes that is still hard to forgive him for, leading to my mom being in so much debt due to him not really stepping up and acting childish at times. I swear sometimes they argue like they’re teenagers.
Years and years later, I am living at home due to coming back from my Disney college program and needing somewhere to crash while I found another job. Well I’ve been at my current job for two years now and don’t see myself leaving anytime soon! However, I’m starting to lose my mind at home.
Ever since my dad remarried, it’s continued to go downhill. I’ve taken on the role of mediator, third parent to my sister at times, and family therapist. All roles I never signed up for. I’m starting to get burnt out and I’m just tired of being too young to understand but being too old to act upset. Not to mention anytime I try to voice an opinion on how I want to remove myself from situations because they don’t involve me and I’m literally the child in the situation, I’m the bad guy and I’m unsupportive.
I know I’m finally at my breaking point because I was on my own this whole weekend watching the dogs and it was the most peace I felt in a long time. Once my mom got home though, the stress came back as nothing felt good enough. Now I love my mom like a best friend, but I just wish she would go to therapy and talk to someone who already isn’t struggling with her own things.
I joked around with the idea of moving out but my sister and dad said how they’d feel bad leaving my mom alone, my mom thinks I should wait as long as possible claiming it’ll help pay off my masters by not paying rent and honestly I just think she thinks I can’t handle it because I won’t lie, my brain works a bit differently so I have my struggles and I think she’s scared I’d regret it again like I have before when I moved out before my DCP and hated it.
But years have passed, I have a dog to keep me company, and honestly, my folks have just gotten on my last nerve. I don’t want to sound like I’m abandoning them but I can feel my mental state deteriorating every time it goes back up having to deal with everyone. I wish at the very least everyone would go to therapy but I’m the only one who does. It’d help my mom’s depression and my sister’s mood swings/anxiety that I keep having to help with.
I’m just ready to finally be a grown up and help myself but how do I even go about it in this situation? Save up in private to prove I’m responsible and mean it? Try to keep it together until I’m done with my masters? Thoughts?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hey everyone, this is kinda a combo AITA/confession but I think I’m finally at my wits end and don’t know what to do. For context, my parents divorced back in 2016 when I was in high school and it’s never really been calm ever since. I won’t get into the nitty gritty because it’s unnecessary for this post but all I’ll say is my dad made a bunch of mistakes that is still hard to forgive him for, leading to my mom being in so much debt due to him not really stepping up and acting childish at times. I swear sometimes they argue like they’re teenagers.
Years and years later, I am living at home due to coming back from my Disney college program and needing somewhere to crash while I found another job. Well I’ve been at my current job for two years now and don’t see myself leaving anytime soon! However, I’m starting to lose my mind at home.
Ever since my dad remarried, it’s continued to go downhill. I’ve taken on the role of mediator, third parent to my sister at times, and family therapist. All roles I never signed up for. I’m starting to get burnt out and I’m just tired of being too young to understand but being too old to act upset. Not to mention anytime I try to voice an opinion on how I want to remove myself from situations because they don’t involve me and I’m literally the child in the situation, I’m the bad guy and I’m unsupportive.
I know I’m finally at my breaking point because I was on my own this whole weekend watching the dogs and it was the most peace I felt in a long time. Once my mom got home though, the stress came back as nothing felt good enough. Now I love my mom like a best friend, but I just wish she would go to therapy and talk to someone who already isn’t struggling with her own things.
I joked around with the idea of moving out but my sister and dad said how they’d feel bad leaving my mom alone, my mom thinks I should wait as long as possible claiming it’ll help pay off my masters by not paying rent and honestly I just think she thinks I can’t handle it because I won’t lie, my brain works a bit differently so I have my struggles and I think she’s scared I’d regret it again like I have before when I moved out before my DCP and hated it.
But years have passed, I have a dog to keep me company, and honestly, my folks have just gotten on my last nerve. I don’t want to sound like I’m abandoning them but I can feel my mental state deteriorating every time it goes back up having to deal with everyone. I wish at the very least everyone would go to therapy but I’m the only one who does. It’d help my mom’s depression and my sister’s mood swings/anxiety that I keep having to help with.
I’m just ready to finally be a grown up and help myself but how do I even go about it in this situation? Save up in private to prove I’m responsible and mean it? Try to keep it together until I’m done with my masters? Thoughts?
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Save your money and make it happen. It sounds like your family is saying all the things they know will keep you at home and not move forward in your life. It benefits them to keep you there but is leaving you an adult not moving forward.
So, I served as the go between mediator for my parents until I told both of them that they are adults and should talk to each other and don’t try bad mouthing the other one to me because it would only make me think less of them. I WAS 14. You are an adult. Life is hard, and most of us are going through it for the first time with no instructions. Make decisions as an adult, and know that we make choices our entire lives that either bring us comfort or growth. There is no other category. I promise you cannot change people into the versions you wish they would be. You can absolutely tell them that you want to stay (they seem to want you to stay) if they all agree to seek some real professional therapy. If not, you move out. Find roommates, limit expenses, make money doing whatever (babysit, bartend, dog walk, TA, research, etc), and start building your own life.
If you can’t be a grown up in that situation, then remove yourself from it. That’s what a grown up would do.
So it might take a little longer to pay off your debts. Sometimes, peace of mind is worth the price.
If sis and dad don’t want mom to be alone, they can visit more. It isn’t up to you to be your mom’s friend.
If you are above the age of 18 you do not need anyone’s permission to move out. QUIETLY save up your money to do so. You don’t need to make an announcement to the family your plans, it’s best to move in silence. Besides they want you to stay right where you are in that miserable situation so of course they will just keep saying things to discourage you from moving. Don’t ask their permission, you don’t need it. Save your coins and find your own place, then when the day comes to start moving let them know you’re going. Do what you must to protect your mental health because literally no one else will.