Made this account to get advice so this shits not attached to my main since I have friend who know my main account.
I’ve been friends with this girl ‘Athena’ (fake name) for almost a decade. We’re both in our late 20’s, despite how childish I feel writing this.
After Athena and I had been friends for a few years I caught feelings for her. She’s incredibly smart, she’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s kind, we have similar views and interests, and she’s talented at an unreasonable amount of things, so I fell pretty hard.
I didn’t change how I acted around her or anything since I wasn’t sure if she had feelings too. She didn’t since she got a boyfriend not long after, dated him for a few years, I was dating somebody else, thought I was over her. Ended up breaking up with my now-ex, Athena broke up with her boyfriend after a few years, and we started hanging out even more often and became best friends.
Realized I still had feelings and actually was kind of in love with her. Yeah, I’m a cliche and fell in love with my best friend. Idiot move.
Eventually decided to tell her I had feelings for her. She politely told me she didn’t have feelings for me romantically and loved me only as a friend which sucked but fair enough. I didn’t want to screw up our friendship since she’s one of my best friends by this point so I figure I could just take a bit of space and get over her like my past crushes. I was wrong. That’s where I need help. She’s been dating somebody for a few years now and that didn’t help either somehow.
Every time I try and date somebody I feel like I can’t get Athena fully out of my head. Like I’ll be comparing the girl I’m starting to see to Athena because to me Athena is god damn perfect.
Thats obviously super unfair to whoever I’m seeing and also just not healthy so I want to figure out how to actually get rid of my feelings for Athena for good and move on but without damaging our friendship. Athena’s been a really good friend to me and I’m not going to cut off our friendship because of my feelings. It’s just hard to get over her when she’s always there.
I’ve started seeing a really nice girl ‘Sara’ (also fake name) and I really like her so far and don’t want to screw things up because I could see myself getting into a relationship with Sara and being happy with her. I feel awful because sometimes I can’t help but compare her to Athena and then I feel awful because I know that isn’t fair and also Sara is really great and I just want to be able to appreciate her without a dumb voice in the back of my head.
How do I get over my feelings for Athena without cutting her out of my life or changing our friendship so that I can have a healthy relationship with Sara?
Tl;Dr
I haven’t fully gotten over my feelings for my best friend and don’t know how to. I need advice on how to stop having romantic feelings for my best friend without not being her friend, so that I can have a healthy relationship with the girl I’ve started seeing.
Comments
You’re not childish, you’re human. But here’s the truth: you won’t fully move on from Athena until there’s real distance, both physical and emotional. As long as she’s part of your daily life, that “dumb voice” in the back of your head won’t shut up.
It’s not about cutting her off, but redefining boundaries. Less time, less emotional closeness, more space for Sara to grow in your mind without competing with a fantasy. Athena said she doesn’t see you that way, the healthiest thing you can do now is respect that by emotionally detaching and investing that energy elsewhere.
You can’t start something real with Sara if part of you is still orbiting someone else.