My Feelings Have Changed For Her (38M/30F)

Earlier this year, I met a truly remarkable woman online. We spoke for about a month before I decided to fly to her country and meet her in person – within three months of our first conversation. During my visit, we shared good moments together. I expressed my intention to bring her to my country on a tourist visa, and potentially for a permanent future – a home, a life, maybe even a family. She wanted that too, especially since she deeply dislikes life in her own country and longs to leave it behind. I never made absolute promises to her, but I did talk about a future – One based on “if things go well”. She’s held on to those possibilities as if they were certainties, absolutisms. Her hopes, her plans, her vision of her future life have become entwined with me, and that weighs heavily on me.

But in the months that followed, my feelings began to shift. She hasn’t done anything wrong per se, nothing hurtful – but the deeper I’ve gotten to know her, the more I feel something missing. And I know how deeply she loves me. She would move mountains for me. She is the kind of person who would in a storm offer me her coat and umbrella just to keep me dry, whilst she gets soaked in the rain. On paper, she’s everything I could ask for: beautiful, intelligent, loyal, eager to embrace my culture, even wanting to adopt some of my hobbies and interests.

Still, there’s a heaviness in our dynamic that I can’t shake. She’s been through serious emotional and physical trauma from her family and it’s left scars. She struggles mentally at times, and because she has no close confidants, she turns to me with everything. I’ve become her only emotional outlet, and while I want to be compassionate, it’s a lot to absorb. More often than not, her pain feels overwhelming for me, and it’s taken a toll on my own emotional energy. I find myself pulling away, not out of cruelty, but because I don’t feel equipped to carry all of her mental burden.

The painful truth is, in many ways she is my ideal partner. And yet, I can’t seem to match the depth of love she’s offered me. I wish I could. She has told me I am more than enough for her. I wish those feelings would return, because it feels unfair to her, and to me that they’ve faded. Is there a way of restoring these feelings? Thank you.

TL;DR:
I met a great woman online, went to see her in her country, discussed potential plans for a future together, and she became fully invested in that vision. But over time, my feelings have quietly faded. She’s loving, loyal, and everything I wanted from a woman, but her emotional struggles and my mismatched intensity are leaving me unsure with my feelings. I’m wondering if those lost feelings can be revived? Thank you again.