So me and my fiancé have been together for quite some time (around 7.5 years, I proposed earlier this year.) and things have been fine enough for the most part. Normal ups and downs of a relationship with a few bigger issues spread out throughout the years, however it’s never been anything that I would say is over the top.
We recently moved to a different part of the state and since the move things have felt rocky. A lot of verbal disagreements with a few that got a little loud, but I mostly attributed it to us just having moved and the stress that comes with that.
About two weeks ago we went out with a group of my friends to a local bar and then back to a friend’s house. As the night reached an end everyone was pretty drunk, myself included, so me and my fiancé decided to start walking home. On the walk home, something happened (unfortunately i’m not exactly sure what happened) and my fiancé became extremely upset with me. She started to yell at me and told me to leave her alone, so I gave her about a half blocks space on the street as we both walked back to the apartment. When we reached the apartment things continued to escalate and she told me she hates me and proceeded to hit me in the chest. At that moment I decided to walk out of the room and I slammed the door to the room that she was in, not on her but still not the correct reaction I admit, and we both slept in different rooms.
She has gotten overly drunk and upset/aggressive with me in the past but it’s never turned physical so I always just brushed it off the next morning after she apologized. However this time it did become physical and it’s been a thing that has made me uncomfortable since it happened. The next morning she did wake me up and apologize profusely and stated that she’s never going to drink again which she has stuck to thus far, but I come from a family full of alcoholics where similar things have happened to my immediate family and so on and it’s just left a bad taste in my mouth.
I am still processing things and wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar, and if so how did you navigate it?
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If you feel as though this has been going on for a long time and will continue, you should probably end it, because things like this tend to escalate. HOWEVER, I feel like there’s probably something going on. You said it’s been since the move, and I bet she’s feeling sad or remorseful or maybe has something going on you don’t know about. You 100% need to have a sit-down, open and honest conversation with her moving forward. Good luck ❤️
I’m curious about what the bigger issues are- sounds like a wee bit of a red flag. I’ll ignore those though.
Physical violence is never okay. However, she understands what she did is wrong, which is a good sign, and more importantly, swore off ever drinking again, which is a drastic measure that shows she recognizes the severity of her action. You would be within your right to leave, and I wouldn’t fault you for it, but forgiveness (as long as she stays sober) is also a valid choice. I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed
First off, I wanna say you handled this situation pretty well by giving each other time to cool off and sleep it off. She apologized and has stuck to her promise so thats good. But if this still lingers on your mind, open up to your fiancé and tell her how it made you feel and about your past experiences with your family if you’re comfortable with that. Honest and open communication is your next best move!
I’m sorry to hear that.
I’d recommend taking time and space to yourself to consider: Is there anything that can be said or done that could help you rebuild trust in her after she hit you?
Do you feel like she fully recognizes and understands why her actions were harmful, and how it made you feel? If you believe that that the unwanted behavior is linked to drinking, is there anything that can be said or done that’d convince you that she will avoid drinking, moving forward?
If you have an idea or two for what it’d take to rebuild trust, share with her, and get her buy-in. Keep in mind that the only plan that’s going to work is whatever you two can BOTH agree on. But if you take time to think it over, but absolutely nothing comes to mind (or if your proposed ideas aren’t what she can agree or commit to), then I wouldn’t see a point in staying in a relationship with someone you can’t trust.
Bruh you left out the deciding factor which is the reason why she got upset in the first place lmao, cmon now 😂
But anyways if you think you really did something bad worth getting mad over then i would say you should accept her honest apology, otherwise things are indeed questionable
Im gonna play the roll of all the seething single women. If you were a woman they would say “leave them immediately” ” your young you can start over” “tell all your friends, ruin their life, call their employer”
But for real. Have a sit down. Talk it out. Its up to you if you can move past it or not
This would be a dealbreaker for me. I’m kinda wondering about the “verbal disagreements with a few that got a little loud.” Verbal abuse is insidious.
She’s abusive and this seems to be a pattern. I’d suggest couples therapy so you can determine if you wait to stay. I’d suggest leaving though because because you deserve better.
Been in your shoes. The apologies get forgotten and the bar gets raised. It’s a shame when someone doesn’t deal with their own demons. Regardless what set her off (possibly it was you and maybe it wasn’t), nobody deserves to get hit. Ever.
People show you their true, unguarded side when they’re drunk. Alcohol lowers their defense mechanisms, and they let their true nature show.
She’s got demons. You were given a preview. Choose wisely.
What’s concerning you most right now? Like what do you want to know or do that would help you feel better?
Ex fiancé. Dump him. Abuse never gets better
you’ve been together since you were teenagers. Do you really want to marry each other, or is this just kind of….habit?
Obviously what she did is inexcusable. But it sounds like things are not so great.