We’ve been together for 4 years, and our families have arranged our marriage. He’s caring and loves me a lot, but there’s something that’s really been bothering me.
Lately, he has been expressing some strange and uncomfortable fantasies during our intimate moments — he asks me to pretend to be people I’m close to (like a best friend or a family member). I’ve told him several times that this makes me deeply uncomfortable, but he insists it’s just part of his fantasy and “not serious.”
This makes me question whether he’s truly present with me, or imagining others, which is hurtful. At the same time, he’s quite possessive and doesn’t like when I talk about any other man even hypothetically.
I’m struggling with this — is it normal in relationships to have such fantasies?
TL;DR:
My fiancé has unsettling fantasies that involve me pretending to be people close to me. I feel uncomfortable and unsure if this is normal or healthy.
Comments
It’s not uncommon for people to have fantasies, but if it makes you uncomfortable and he dismisses your feelings, that’s a concern. Healthy relationships respect boundaries and comfort levels. Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong, it’s worth discussing seriously, and possibly seeking advice from a counselor.
Like the other comment said it’s normal to have fantasies but this is a clear boundary for you. If you’re uncomfortable and he’s not understanding nor wants to stop that’s a red flag.
>At the same time, he’s quite possessive and doesn’t like when I talk about any other man even hypothetically.
This is extremely abusive. It’s actually quite frightening that you’ve thrown it into this post so casually and it’s not the main topic of concern. Nothing you’ve described in this post is normal in a loving relationship – it’s so far from that I’m concerned for your safety with this person.
Nah, that’s weird. Like there’s kinky fantasy (maid costumes or handcuffs and crap), and then there’s making your partner feel like shit.
That’s not normal and not healthy. Even for “fantasy” that’s just weird and it’s going to make any partner feel like crap.
Edit: Downright fuckin’ weird that arranged marriages are still a thing as well.
Maybe your parents would unarrange the marriage if they knew about his…preferences
Having a fantasy is fine but you clearly stated that you don’t feel comfortable and that is also fine as well, but what I don’t think is fine with the fantasy is that he is asking you to act like a family member. who specifically is he asking you to “pretend to be”.
But that guy apart from this he treats soo good,very protective and emotionally available
Which made me to stay in relationship even though that fantasy part was tough to handle
You should ask him to be his best friend & see how he feels
Fantasies are fun, but pretending to be loved ones? No, that is just all kinds of wrong.
This is not normal or healthy. I believe he should not think or wish you to be anyone else. Sex is a sacred ritual that is performed by two people who love each other. If he wishes you to act as someone else. I believe he is secretly wanting that person. You should address these issues immediately. If nothing changes, you need to leave. Otherwise, it will get worse if you have kids together.
Not normal. Really Disturbing! Makes me gag because these are friends and family that you love. There is no way I’d accept this and you shouldn’t either.