My partner (32f) left me (29f) this week due to her mental health battles, she has been having a rough time for a little while (most of 2025), she was the most attentive partner, did a lot for me and was pretty much my person in every aspect, in 8 years our relationship never struggled until this year, I always said why do people say “relationships are hard” because being with her in the first 7 years was the easiest thing I’ve ever did. We really never ever ever struggled with anything, never fought, always honest and it was just amazing.
Fast forward to 2025 early February, she witnessed a trauma in work and has never been the same since, but if I’m honest I could see her being different before the trauma happened, I guess her mental health was already slipping without her noticing and that set it off, she needed space and asked for a two week break, heartbrokenly I respected that decision, we chose to stay together and she said it was a mistake, she was at rock bottom, she didn’t know anything. It was hard to witness.
Fast forward to now: over the last few months she has been not attentive, basically checked out of the relationship and she was in denial about that fact, she’d come home from work exhausted and would be on the other side of the couch on her phone literally till we went to bed, nothing like cheating or anything she would just be playing games on it, she said it helps her check out of her work day, it was constant and it was brining me down. I felt less connected to her everyday, it would be the same thing, work-come home- watch tv- sleep. It was exhausting for me, I’d ask for reassurance and to help me out with some things around the house, she just would never, I was doing everything, looking back I can see how her mental health was taken over again and I was blinded by my own insecurities thinking she didn’t love me anymore…. This all started taking a mental toll on our relationship and my mental health, we love each other so much, she could see what it was doing to me, I would never leave her, I’m her number one fan… her support system, love of my life.
This week she left me, not because she doesn’t love me anymore, but because she loves me, she can’t keep hurting me and she can’t be the person I deserve and didn’t want to feel like a burden and drag me down, I told her she’s not etc but she was certain on the fact she needs to step away for now go get help and just be alone in her thoughts for a while and just work on being better for herself and for our relationship if there is one in the future, she told me not to wait for her as healing isn’t linear and she can’t say when or if ever she’ll be ok to start giving me what I deserve – a partner. I completely understand in a way what she’s doing, and I’m also angry at how could she leave me like this when I’ve been her rock since 2017, but it’s not about me, and she said she never thought in a million years this would happen and she thought it was me and her forever, she also says she’s still in love with me, she has hope for us in the future and she planned on us forever and she’s not just saying that to keep it sweet she is blunt and honest, this gives me hope but I’m also going to be doing my own healing and figuring out who I am.
TL;DR
Sorry for the rant but my question is, does this work, has ANYONE ever left their partner that they still love to work on their mental health and came back to the person after they got the help they needed and worked on themselves and their mental health? I need some hope story’s. Haha
Comments
Do you miss her, or do you miss all the things she did for you? You say she changed after witnessing a trauma. That she was exhausted and trying to distract herself from her thoughts. And you say how exhausting it was for YOU to have to see her traumatized. How she was no longer “attentive” to you.
What did you do to emotionally support her during this time? What did you to do help her process and deal with the trauma? Because it sounds like you just asked her to reassure you, to keep up with housework, and complained about your own mental health.
This was clearly an event that affected her health significantly, and you’re still over here making it all about you. You were doing “everything” — what does that mean? The dishes and cleaning? What does it mean to you that you are her support system?
If I’m wrong and you just happened to leave out all of the things you did to try to help her, okay. But from what you wrote, it sounds like she was drowning and you handed her a mop.
I think you should be more charitable to yourself. Mental health struggles define the low points of a lot of relationships and often do end them.
You tried to be present and attentive, and sadly your efforts werent part of the solution she needs. In her pain she created a lot of yours. Its nice to say you need to support her through her struggles, but really if people refuse to or cant help themselves its not your fault.
Its up to her to fix her life and find her happiness.
You need to focus on you as time passes and things get easier.
I’ve thought about not being with my partner because of mental health. I do love him and am attracted to him. I just can’t cope well and feel myself slipping. It sounds like she loves you.