My fiancé 32f said something really mean to me 35m (together 10 years) the other day while driving. We were just driving home and I made a silly comment about a random person walking across the road to her and she instantly clapped back at me and said “you’re like a 6 calm down”.
I didn’t really respond in the moment and just thought about it for a minute and she eventually apologized and said she was just kidding after some awkward silence.
I can’t help but think now that she actually does see me as a 6/10 and she wasn’t joking.
I would never in a million years comment on her appearance negatively or rate her like that. We have got in fights before but this feels different. It’s been days and I’m not mad at her but I just feel sad at the thought she probably doesn’t actually find me attractive?.
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What a brutal thing to say, dump the unkind thing.
Why are you commenting on people’s bodies anyway?
In my opinion, one offhand jab doesn’t define ten years. I don’t know her, but might be she said it to sting and then backpedaled. The real issue isn’t whether she sees you as a 6 but whether you can communicate how that comment hurt you and whether she takes it seriously
To be fair, five means average and most men are in the 4-6 range. If you gave the pedestrian a number rating, she was probably defending her gender by snapping back, some women get really offended by that shit. This despite the fact that they will gladly rate other women, amongst themselves. But knowing that they are, say, a 6 on that scale probably really bothers some ladies. It’s probably something else that’s bothering her anyway.
You conveniently left out what you said….
Set her free mate let her go find that 10 for her. She sounds bitter will only get worse. Run.
Did you call another person hot (or ugly)?
6/10 is still above average, below average is a 4 or 3. Not everyone can look like Brad Pitt or Gal Gadot.
Your sensitive reaction probably already gave her the ick…
OK, let’s be real first of all, even though it seemed like she was speaking completely out-of-pocket. She did feel to herself a bit calling you a sex. She probably writes you even lower than that. If she’s being completely honest, my second problem.
Is it there does seem to be an undercurrent. Of bitterness or resentmeit does feel a little bit like she was taking a shot at you because she feels like she underachieved. It was a pretty petty thing to say but it seems like maybe you were also being petty to a stranger in the moment so maybe just call it square and move on.
I think you need to tell us what comment you made about the person walking, so we know what your Fiance was responding to.
thats too much to end a 10 years relationship for , i feel your pain and she is in the wrong despite that u clearly got karma for what u did ealier commenting on someone else appearence but regardless she is still in the wrong and she said she is sorry tho just make sure to tell her it is not okay and that it hurt u more than she thought make sure to switch up and tell her how would she feel if u said the same thing tell her to be carefull and thats it u ll be upset for sometime but get over it u got this king
I am more interested as to what silly comment that you said to her that made her react with her slapping you on the back and calling you a “6”.
That said, you have been in a relationship for ten years. She is your fiancé and one would have to assume that she is attracted to you for her to say “yes”.
It seems like she just made an off handed comment intended as a joke, and that your insecurities are making you overthink a remark as something that she genuinely believes.
Your best bet at this point is to just say to her, “You know when you said x,y,z that actually hurt my feelings, you don’t really believe that I’m average looking right?”. It’s about communication. It’s most likely a joke, but having her reassure you that it was just a joke should put your mind at ease.
Tell us what you actually said to get such a reaction out of her rather than leaving out the obvious trigger…
Had a friend who threatened to breakup with his girlfriend of 10 years as well, because she called him “racist”. I ask him why she called him that, because she wouldn’t call him that for no reason. And after digging further for more information, it turns out he constantly made racist remarks towards people of different colors…
And she simply called him out for it. But then there he was getting all offended over something he SHOULD be getting called out for…
And you know what his excuses were? “I have colored friends, so I get a pass…”. What pass allows you to call people derogatory terms?
What a joke…
So what did you ACTUALLY say that made her comment on your appearance?
Why don’t you tell people what you said? You’re being evasive.
What is stopping you from talking to her about the comment she made?
Maybe she meant what you said brought you down to a 6 in attractiveness… because personality should be counted in that rating imo.
I’m just picturing the comments in here if the roles/sex’s were reversed and it would be a complete bloodbath to the guy calling his girl a 6.
The fact you’re being so dodgy about the exact words you said I’m guessing this is a dish it but can’t take it scenario where your fiance is sick of you judging others on their appearance. Add the exact words as an edit and that might shut down those comments if not. Especially since you said you would never rate your partner and not that you would never rate anyone.
Also….6 isn’t negative. 6 is above average it’s a positive assessment. It’s similar to saying someone isn’t a movie star or anything but they’re attractive. Between the number and calm down, that’s something someone says in response to someone being egotistical, narcissistic, dehumanizing or arrogant. It might be a straw that broke the camels back sort of a thing, where the last comment wasn’t indicative of how bad the trend has gotten. But my guess is that was a realistic but complimentary assessment meant to call you out on your toxic behavior where you act superior to others. Now there are much better ways to do that directly, to call out ego and condescension and how low they rank others without needing to tell people where exactly they are in that ranking, it’s not like a pretty person calling someone ugly is any less harmful than if an ugly person did it. Matching someone’s type of comments is still getting in the mud with them. I see why she apologized and would assume that was genuine rather than a trauma response from just what was written.
But I’d take a moment to self reflect on whether you were judging others in ways you would find harmful yourself. If this is a learning moment where ideally both of you, whether initially or as a response, can move forward and not address anyone judging them on their appearance.
Looks aren’t everything, it’s everything else about you that’s kept her around.
I think it’s hurtful and rude.
Depending on what exactly was said beforehand, it could change the likelihood of whether it was true or an exaggeration.
Apparently “what did you do” is a fair question to getting body shamed by your partner.
Did you call a woman unattractive? Women do get tired of hearing comments about female appearance, also when it’s said by their partner about someone else. If it was something in that vein that you said, then it’s worth doing some real reflecting about that. As for being a called “a 6” … first, a “6” is perfectly fine, especially if you’re “her 6” who she’s attracted to enough to want to marry. And beyond that, the whole scale of attractiveness thing is stupid anyhow. Snapping something like that at you is harsh, maybe rude. But maybe you there’s also a message in it that’s worth reflecting on.
Seriously after reading all these comments. Passive aggressiveness. Sensless blaming. Cherry picking. And all that. I have officially lost all hope in humanity. Fellow men this will be my last advice. Opt out from dating. Opt out from making a family. Take care of yourselves work hard make money live in comfortable lives instead of dating all these sociopaths for 10 years just to tell you just a 6. Bless you all and good luck.
Apparently what you said about the person in the crosswalk was extremely offputting. Nobody wants to be with someone who’s unkind. Period.
I’d be more upset that as a tax-paying adult, I’m using terms like “clapped back”. Seriously though, it’s ok. You probably said something shitty and she said something shitty back. Things happen and people sometimes mess up. Don’t overthink it.
Well now you know what your gf thinks of you. The real question is what you’re going to do about it. Even if you called some other girl ugly, the fact that it caused her to blurt out how she actually sees you is to your benefit. Do you work on your appearance to try to make her more attractive to you or do you leave and find someone who actually finds you attractive?
What did you say about the other person?
I‘m sure it is important and could explain her clapping back like that
You should really talk to her about this. Go straight to the source of the problem.
Pretty simple to me that you being unwilling to share what you said makes your fiancé comment most likely justified. I’m guessing your comment was demeaning to the other person and you got your thin skinned self hurt and now want Reddit to absolve you from your most likely shitty comment
Aye if you’re a 6, you’re a 6. You still bagged her 💯
If you were a total tool about the other person’s looks, she humbled you. Don’t talk mean about other people’s looks.
Also, are you sure you’re 35 & not 15?
My man’s short, and sometimes he calls other short people nasty things like midget or whatever. It triggers me, and I say well you aren’t any tall either, so what if they call you midget?.
I think something like that happened with you, too.
Since you’re not willing to specify what you said, it sounds like you made a douchey comment and she responded in kind. Now you’re butthurt because you can dish it but can’t take it. Sounds like you’re childish and deserved to be humbled.
Just stop rating people with numbers
I love how the comments have nothing to do with your wife calling you ugly….. Oh course it’s all your fault
So over this sub’s sexism
If you remake the post but switch the genders around you’ll actually get real answers VS B.S
Was it a pro choice protester, and you said something like, “You ever notice how most of these protesters are people nobody would have sex with in the first place?”
Even if you said that, and nobody has ever been beating down your door to have sex with you – it would be over the line for your partner to try to make a point that way.
The guy is willing to throw away a 10 year relationship because she clapped back at a negative comment that he made about someone else (and refuses to tell us so it’s probably bad).
Let her go you’ll be doing her a favor.
The fact that you refuse to tell us word for word bar for bar exactly what you said, leads me to believe you said something very nasty and had that 6/10 jab coming
I say let it go. You put meanness out there and got meanness back, the world is now at equilibrium.
Maybe stop being soft and go and make yourself a 7 or 8. What is it with relationships with no banter , if my wife said I was a 6 I’d say something like, you like shagging ugly guys and laugh .. I mean come on everyone is so fucking sensitive
What comment did YOU make?? Were you judging someone’s appearance?
Your wife sounds hilarious. I think you might be taking the comment too seriously
I feel what OP said was offensive? If a person is genuine, they will feel bad if you comment negatively about a common person. Maybe she just got triggered and was just trying to make how OP may feel if someone said that to him. My opinion!
Jesus just tell us what you said.