My fiancé (22m) and I (22f) currently don’t live together. We’re moving in together shortly before our wedding.
In my current room, I have a few squishmallows on my bed that I sleep with/on. Usually I cuddle one and have one behind me to support my weight, it puts my arms and hands in certain positions where I find them comfortable and obviously they’re soft to cuddle, they help me sleep.
Whenever my fiancé and I have slept in the same bed, he complains about them taking up space and how I should be cuddling him instead. But he’s a lanky guy. Not the best cuddle buddy. However, I usually do start out cuddling him, till he falls asleep generally. Then I’d turn over and use my squishhmallow.
But one time when I was laying in bed he complained again that it’s annoying I cuddle a pillow and that it’s a childish dependency.
Now, as I said before, I use them to make me comfortable in bed, otherwise I can’t sleep properly. I also have autism and find it really hard to get to sleep most nights, so the pillows are one way I am able to relax and turn my brain off, I also listen to a podcast before bed on my own usually. (THT or Distractible or the Broski Report)
I’ve told him this before and how I do cuddle him most nights before we go to sleep, but he still claims that it’s stupid and I shouldn’t do it when we’re married and living together.
Some extra info if it helps, I have a double bed in my parents house where I live, he has a single at his parents house. But we have a queen size in the rental we’re moving in to.
In my mind the larger mattress will mean he doesn’t get smothered by a squishmallow?
I will try to answer any extra questions in comments, but I live in Australia so they may take a while to get a response.
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Backup of the post’s body: My fiancé (22m) and I (22f) currently don’t live together. We’re moving in together shortly before our wedding.
In my current room, I have a few squishmallows on my bed that I sleep with/on. Usually I cuddle one and have one behind me to support my weight, it puts my arms and hands in certain positions where I find them comfortable and obviously they’re soft to cuddle, they help me sleep.
Whenever my fiancé and I have slept in the same bed, he complains about them taking up space and how I should be cuddling him instead. But he’s a lanky guy. Not the best cuddle buddy. However, I usually do start out cuddling him, till he falls asleep generally. Then I’d turn over and use my squishhmallow.
But one time when I was laying in bed he complained again that it’s annoying I cuddle a pillow and that it’s a childish dependency.
Now, as I said before, I use them to make me comfortable in bed, otherwise I can’t sleep properly. I also have autism and find it really hard to get to sleep most nights, so the pillows are one way I am able to relax and turn my brain off, I also listen to a podcast before bed on my own usually. (THT or Distractible or the Broski Report)
I’ve told him this before and how I do cuddle him most nights before we go to sleep, but he still claims that it’s stupid and I shouldn’t do it when we’re married and living together.
Some extra info if it helps, I have a double bed in my parents house where I live, he has a single at his parents house. But we have a queen size in the rental we’re moving in to.
In my mind the larger mattress will mean he doesn’t get smothered by a squishmallow?
I will try to answer any extra questions in comments, but I live in Australia so they may take a while to get a response.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
How tf your man jealous of a pillow
If he’s jealous of your pillow choices, wait til he meets your friends.
Red flag
I’m currently snuggled up to my squishmallow and I’m 33. I would talk to him about why it bothers him. Clearly it does, and explain that while you care for him; unlike the squishmallow he has bones. It’s a texture/feel and it helps you sleep.
Honestly I don’t like how dismissive he sounds about this. Like if you had a severe restriction on your quality of life I’d get it, but man’s jelly of a pillow. Is he like this with anything else?
Is it the pillow or is it the “toy” aspect he doesn’t like? It’s not unusual for partners to sleep with different number of pillows – but if he’s got a thing against what they are, size of bed isn’t going to matter.
Would he mind if you used a more „grown up“ pillow? Like a body pillow or just an extra sleeping pillow.
Don’t move in with a man who calls the things that you do that make you comfortable and happy stupid. 🚩
He sounds childish. Why can’t he figure out that you like pillows to sleep and he doesn’t… it’s not weird. Like some people need a black out room and some want a light on… some people sleep with a TV radio on some people wear ear plugs.
Do what you need to do to get the best zzzzZZZ’s as you can.
I sleep with a pillow because I have carpal tunnel issues and it helps keep my wrists straight… I’m not emotionally dependant on them… it’s just comfy, and a pillow doesn’t move around and have stupid opinions so it works better than a boyfriend.
Sometimes autistic people doubt their own reactions or
interpretations of people. Here’s what it looks like to an outsider – your fiancé is extremely rude and thoughtless. He speaks to you without respect or consideration. He’s bullying you.
You’re allowed to sleep with whatever you want for comfort – whether it’s a squishmallow or a stuffie or an old blanket. He’s sharing a bed, not owning it. Telling you it’s childish is ridiculous. Saying something you enjoy is “stupid” is beyond rude.
We all enjoy things that others might not understand. Maybe we play computer games or collect rocks or dance around to disco. Whatever, life is short and anything we can find joy in is important. Our loved ones should support us in our hobbies and little pleasures. Your bf should be looking for special squishmallows to buy you for your collection, not talking to you like he’s a high school bully.
This is a window on how controlling and mean he’s going to be when you’re married. Either he goes for couples counseling or you go for the door and leave him.
I am way old and have various aches and pains and parts that can go numb in the night and squishmallows are just perfect to rest my parts on. I take them everywhere – hotels, car rides, family visits.
I know my husband thinks it’s ridiculous, but frankly, people when they snuggle get sweaty and sticky and very uncomfortable. We learned this our wedding night and by now, he goes to bed early and I’m still up hours later.
What I’m trying to say, is that you do whatever you need to do so you can sleep, if your fiancee doesn’t like it, he can pound sand. It is not stupid and I’d rather have a good night’s sleep than a bossy, persnickety husband. I mean, who cares if you snuggle a pillow instead of of his sweaty self? He’ll probably learn that a nicely rested wife is much nicer than a tired, grumpy one.
I’m 43 and my husband is 45. I sleep with a squishmallow every night because it helps with my upper body alignment. He loves that I sleep with a squishmallow and knows their names. Find a person who loves all of you.
Is he jealous of a squish mellow?! Omg
Also sleeping with support is very good for your back but besides that if you can sleep and rest soundly and peacefully, who cares?
I’m glad you’re living together before the wedding, that’ll help you to get to know him for real.
I have a pillow wall. I use it every night to get comfortable. Not once has my husband ever mentioned it being a problem. Because it’s none of his business. Your BF is being childish and doesn’t seem to care about your comfort.
Honestly, I’d be rethinking your relationship with this guy if a pillow is that much of an issue for him. If the pillows are genuinely taking up too much room, either get smaller ones (assuming you have the large squishmallows), or get a bigger bed. That’s an easy enough compromise that solves the issue for both parties. If it’s a thing about being too childish, maybe find some other non squishmallow pillows that would work for the bedroom, and keep the squishmallows for when you’re relaxing on the couch or things like that (not that I think you should have to, but I’m just suggesting potential compromises that fulfill both your needs and his comfort).
Your fiancé is a little bitch. This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Squishmallows FTW!
I have several squishmallows and stuffies on my couch. When my boyfriend moved in, he held one once and commented on how he had forgotten how nice it was to hug a stuffed animal, and that it was rather comforting. I now come out to him cuddling the stuffies on the couch while gaming or watching TV all the time. My point being… This shouldn’t even be an issue to begin with. What a lame stance for him to take.
It’s more childish to care what others do for comfort or joy. Getting jelly over a pillow? He needs to grow up. I say that as a grow ass man with a burrito one on our bed that’s mine, and a boba one that’s my wife. They’re comfy and cute.
why did you agree to get engaged to a man who is such a tremendous baby about the fact that you have stuffed animals (he would not be calling this childish if you were using a plain old rectangular pillow)
This made me sad…my husband not only buys me squishmellows I have one he bought just for me to snuggle in bed to make my arms feel better because I have tendinitis.
Someone who loves you and accepts you for who you are will want what works best for you
Your fiance is jealous of a frigging pillow..,how’s he gonna react when you have a kid needing your time and body?
I use a pillow between my knees and I also “hug” a pillow – all for postures sake.
I also really am just not a huge fan of cuddling. I’ll do it for a bit but it’s just not comfortable lol
Just tell him it’s for your posture.
He can’t be your everything, and his desire to change your sleep habits is just flat out weird. Cuddling is awesome, unless you aren’t comfy cuddling. You cuddle, he falls asleep, you choose to grab the thing that works with your body.
If he’s throwing a fit about this? He’s going to find other things he will insist you count on him for. He’s not emotionally ready for a live in relationship, much less marriage.
Nearly 40. Sleep with my squish mallow and like 5 pillows every night. Husband thinks it’s cute. It’s better for my posture and keeps me from shrimping too hard (also autistic, with a bad back) keep doing you, he needs to grow up and get over it.
I completely get it, I’ve had squishmallows and they don’t compare to regular pillows, they’re super comfy. I think he needs to get a grip because it is quite literally just a pillow. If he thinks it’s childish due to how they look maybe you could sew covers onto them so you can keep the texture but change the look? If it’s not about appearance is it about his ego? If he’s feeling insecure about himself due to the pillow and feeling jealous then I think you should just have a transparent conversation and express your feelings, maybe he is just in his head about it all assuming you don’t like him or some bullshit
If you find comfort and get a good nights sleep, however you achieve that, it is a blessing and to be supported. If it’s a pillow, a soft toy, an old blanket, a teddy bear, doesn’t matter.
Life can be hard and anything bringing good sleep, happiness and joy should be encouraged and celebrated. It’s your partner who is childish.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I’m 34 and use squishmallows as pillows/supports in bed. You are right, they do make it more comfortable for sleeping, they help keep your shoulders, neck etc in more comfortable positions. And my husband has his own squishmallow supports he uses. We normally start out the night cuddling each other and then end up rolling over and cuddling our respective squish
Not his job to complain about your pillows. He sounds negging.
I have a squishmallow or six for the same reasons. Screw him!, get a better partner
Getting engaged or married before living together is wild. It’s old school and in my opinion a really scary choice to make.
Your partner should want you to feel comfortable and understand your needs. Him not respecting something that should be a non-issue is a red flag, and the fact that you have to cuddle him until he falls asleep, so then you can finally get comfortable and sleep is another. You need to start having deeper discussions about expectations when living together and the future life you’ll have together to really determine if this relationship and future is right for you.
Nah I switched to the mallows for pillows and have never looked back
Here I am, 35 thinking about going to grab my 9 month old daughter’s squishmallow cause goddamn that sounds comfortable and I never considered
man really said stop being comfortable so i feel more validated like that’s normal behavior
I’m neurodivergent and 41 yrs old, I also sleep with squishmellows and stuffies. I always have had extra soft comforts on my bed because I can’t get comfortable without extra pillows and my stuff animals. My husband has bought me the majority of my squishmellows and totally understands. The fact that your fiancé is jealous of a stuffed animal worries me, what else is he going to take from you when you end up living together? You need your comforts, your figets and anything else that helps you regulate. Anyone who wants to take those away from you doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Im on the spectrum and like to sleep with 3 pillows. One of those pillows is specifically my head pillow.
My fiancé has absolutely no clue how I KNOW if he has my head pillow… to him, they all feel the same. To me, it’s baffling he doesn’t know the difference.
He playfully makes fun of me for my excessive pillows. Sometimes he annoyingly takes MY pillow, just to see if I will notice (of course i do!) …. He laughs all proud of himself when he sees me patting each pillow to find MY pillow.
You deserve a partner like mine. Who thinks my weird autistic quirks are funny, and some sort of playful game. For me, its not just the pillows. Its the right shoes. The social anxiety. The toothpaste. The bug obsession. The perfect socks. … the list is endless… it starts with the pillow, but at the end of the day, the pillow is just a small bit of everything that is ME. He makes me feel cute and fun, when we both know Im weird AF.
Don’t give up the pillows. Give up the boyfriend.
I’m 33 and still sleep with a stuffed animal. While my partner makes the occasional joke, he doesn’t really care. He cares that I can sleep well, and he will help me find it, if I lost it in the middle of the night.
Does he really care for you? Because calling your partner childish doesn’t sound like it..
I’m also like you and need pillows and stuffed animals to sleep well. My boyfriend has adapted to the lifestyle himself by claiming certain stuffed animals as his night time cuddles. This is the only appropriate way to respond. People don’t understand that lots of people with autism iterally sleep janky and will hurt themselves if they don’t position themselves before bed. If he’s already cutting you down on preferences and lifestyles, imagine how it’ll be when you live together 24/7.
Meanwhile my wife and I have to decide who gets which squishmallow 😂 it ain’t that deep brother
WTF is a Squishmallow?
Wow calling it stupid while you have autism and giving an ultimatum?
There a theory why Some people have a pillow/weight, it gives them safety.
I would have a good talk with him voicing your concerns while you are not in the bedroom. Explains what they provide for you and ask him what exactly is in his mind. Sounds like a throwback to something else for him. Maybe hè wasn’t allowed a cuddle toy when he was a vertain age and now has convictions about them ingrained
Don’t let ANYONE tell you how to do something you’ve always done.
If he doesn’t like it, fine. Sleep in another bed.
He is already trying to control you & you’re not even married yet!! I can only imagine how controlling he will become of everything else you do over time.
And with your autism it will be made worse – you’ll always be fighting with him about how and why you do things!!
Can’t think of anything worse, personally.
Good luck.
I’m 25 and i have sooo many plushies in my bed that they literally take more space than me 💀.When i sleep with my partner i took every big one out but i always left my favorite korilKkuma one to hug. My partner knows this and she always left my korilakkuma one by my side to hug my bed because she knows i like to hug it. And we sleep on a single bed, so i think your bf is the one who needs to grow up!! You’re fine girl!💖
If he doesn’t accept you the way you are, then you’re destined for failure. He’ll be hell bent on making all sorts of changes if you give in to something so small.
You are too young to be getting married, please wait and find someone who isn’t jealous of a pillow.
With autism, these objects help to regulate your body so that you can relax and fall asleep. Your fiancé sounds like he does the opposite.
Been married pushing 30 years. It’s fucking impossible to sleep 8 hours cuddling. You’ll be lucky to nap for an hour before something falls asleep. Cuddle the man a bit then get a good night sleep (looking at you Marcellus the cactus)
Consider separate beds because sleep is very important
You’re autistic and it seems to be a comforting stimulus. Would be some kind of word to demand you remove that.
Squishamallows are awesome. Between my wife and our kid, we have way too many but they ARE good pillows and very cute.
you can do better
Get a new fiancé. Or better don’t just wait a little and enjoy being young no need to marry the first person you probably ever dated. The right person will love you the way you are with all your cuddle friends 💕
I love hugging things while sleeping so get it! My teddy bear turned into having like 5 pillows around me and now I use the Frida Mom pregnancy pillow even though I’m not pregnant anymore… its a lot like a squishmallow now that I think about it! Frida Mom Pregnancy pillow
unfiancé him
My baby blanket I slept with came with me on our honeymoon with no mention at all by my fiancee/new husband. (I still sleep with a baby blanket.)
OP, why would you marry someone who tells you a special part of who you are is stupid and that you can’t sleep that way once you’re married?
My husband cuddles a Bucky badger squishmallow. Every night. Sometimes I jokingly try to steal it for myself. Keep the squishes, ditch the man child if he doesn’t come around.
My husband and I are in our thirties. Our kids have so many squish mellows we steal some to sleep with. One of them supports my neck better than any pillow we own. If your fiance doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to look at them, especially if you guys arent sharing a bed right now. It’s a little weird to be jealous of a stuffed animal pillow
People sleep how they like to sleep, and sleep is important! People of all ages, genders, walks of life, and neurological differences, like to be comfortable when they sleep, and lots of people utilize pillows, dress a certain way, or have to have the blankets just right. He’s insecure that your pillows have cute faces and he’s giving controlling tendencies, big time. I don’t know where he got the “childish dependency” thing, but I think he was being more honest when he said he thinks it’s stupid and he doesn’t like it. How sure are you of the “fiance” part? Are you able to have mature conversations with him where he listens to what you’re telling him without his ego blocking the way?
Okay I’m 36 and also autistic so i totally get where you’re coming from. My mother jokes that I’m a “squishy things autistic” cos of my, frankly overt, obsession with finding soft squishy things for comfort. It keeps me calm. Plus I love plushies cos they’re fucking cute. Squishmallows are perfect for me cos they come in so many sizes. I have hand sized ones and giant ones, and medium ones, and smaller ones. I like their tiny faces.
Fact is, it’s your sleep ritual. Sleep can be difficult for a lot of people, and you’ve got a system going to make it easier. Some folks just straight up go to sleep when they lie down, and I never ever have had that ability. So I also have a sleep ritual. I just looked at my bed and other than the giant plushie whale, I currently have five squishies chilling next to my head. My mother actually bought me a tiny squishy soft burger last night when we went to get groceries. She pointed at them and went “LOOK AT EM!” I dashed over and showed her the burger had little legs, and she just declared “YOU MUST HAVE HIM” as loud as you like in the aisle. I did. He’s great. He makes me laugh. Little burger with legs. What’s not to love?
Anyway, all that to say that it’s normal to want to be comforted at night, it’s normal to have a sleep routine and it’s normal to find comfort in something soft and squishy. That’s literally why they’re the way they are, people tend to like things that feel nice. I feel like your partner is too held up on the fact they’re toys. To me, that’s a bonus, cos they’re cute, but I suppose some people could not want that. I guess I just think he’s being silly because he isn’t really that affected by them, he just doesn’t like that YOU have them. And tbh at your age I would assume you had a plushie or two anyway, in my experience all my friends have had them well into adulthood.
Don’t give up what you love and find comfort in, just to make him happy. This is such a tiny issue and he’s attempting to shame you for your choice of comfort. I assume at this point he’s either neurotypical and thinks that shaming autistic people is the right action to take, or he’s ND but not the same type as you, and therefore doesn’t get why you require calm and comfort at night in the way you do.
I’ll stop now cos I’m rambling but girl, he’s threatened by a squishmallow. He needs to explain exactly why he’s bothered, because his “it’s childish” or “it’s ridiculous” have been debunked here. I will never understand folks who demand that you immediately act like the opposite of yourself when you age up into an adult. You don’t magically start hating things you liked as a younger person. And you don’t HAVE to give up those things either. I swear it’s why everyone is so fucking grouchy and mean all the time, they deprive themselves of the smallest comforts because “I’m an adult”. Like… being an adult doesn’t mean you have to suffer all the time. It’s not going to kill him or you, so I really don’t understand why he’s so mad.
Dump him, not liking squishmallows is a red flag. Who doesn’t like a squishmallow?!!?! He’s literally jealous that you’re cuddling a pillow and not him. That is wild. I also don’t understand why everyone has to cuddle before bed or how they fall asleep cuddling. Let’s be honest people, it’s uncomfortable!! Tell him to go kick rocks and you keep cuddling those squishmallows!!
If you were using a body pillow meant for joint support, he would find something wrong with that too. He shouldn’t be getting a pass while dismissing your personal need for comfort.
He probably is embarrassed about their cuteness and the idea of them in a shared bed makes his masculinity hurt. If you want to compromise then get a plain hugging pillow in your preferred texture and use your squishmallows as couch pillows or in a plushie hanging hammock.
If you want to keep them in the bed consider keeping 2 rooms even when you’re married. Too many times bitter partners throw out objects like these under the guise of “helping you act like an adult” or whatever too.