Let me start this off by saying I believe all of the different religions that people follow I don’t disagree with any of them I just don’t follow any of them.
So my fiancé sent me a picture about God already made a path he’s just waiting on the person that he made the path for. I’ve had some hard times and minor religion trauma which he knows and aware of. I told him that I understand that he wants me to put faith in God but I can’t because of how I was affected by Christianity growing up I was nice and considerate about his religion and pretty much in my eyes he shut down. I apologized about it telling him that I’m not trying to hate on his belief and he unfortunately shut down even more.
That same day I texted him if we were alright, and he informed that we want us to be and tells me that his Lord comes first before anything. I told him that I understand and that I’m glad that he feels that way with his religion. He then gets upset at me asking me why I keep calling it a religion and he said that what is in the Bible is real and some of the prophecies that are in the Bible came true.
So a brief summary of the text I sent back, I say “religion” broadly for all belief systems and are not dismissing Christianity by doing so. I acknowledge and respect that Christianity is real and meaningful to him, even if it’s not the same for everyone. I emphasize being open to all religions and show understanding to his faith. I also mention being willing to attend church with them as a sign of support and respect for their beliefs. And all he did was say that he understands but I knew that he didn’t so I asked if actually does understand or is he just dropping it and not wanting to talk to me about it, and he was dropping it telling me that he’s not gonna persuade me when I already have my mind set on Christianity not being real.
No where did I say it wasn’t real to me, I believe all religions are real I followed the Bible until I hit high school and just grew distance due to my past history with the church. This morning he tells me that I’m heading down the wrong path and that I will only have is heart break and fake happiness telling me he wants the best for me and that all I have to do to get the positive is just believe in God and his word. So I just shut down and responded back telling him that I will, he responded back saying that he hoped so and he wants to be there for me, all I responded was okay.
Im just crushed and hurting emotionally. All I wanted was to set a small boundary between our relationship and religion and it went down hill to where I had to back out and pretty much in my eyes get forced into a religion I didn’t want to go back in.
Comments
You reacted as nicely as humanely possible, some people can’t deal with different belief systems coexisting and he is one of them.
This will not get better btw, there won’t be a happy end for you two together when he thinks like that.
Welp, that’s most religions for you. They don’t want boundaries, they want converts and true believers. If you’re not gonna do that, then he won’t be happy with you.
Being able to agree to disagree and to be able to follow your own beliefs/faiths is necessary for couples to be happy. If you can’t both be adults and talk and you both just shut down it’s going to be a thorn the entire way through your relationship.
Sorry to tell you but this is not going to work out. A religious person and an atheist/agnostic almost never works out. That is an absolute fundamental difference. What kind of wedding will you have? What about kids? How will they be raised. You will be on the losing end of every argument for the rest of your life.
You aren’t even married and you’re already having conflicts. I 100% guarantee you that once you’ve said “I do” the pressure will get heavy. He and his family will start pressuring you daily to “do the right thing”. You think his telling you that you are “heading down the wrong path” is pressure now. Oh girl, just wait.
He will NEVER respect your boundary. EVER. To you it’s a boundary. To him it’s “saving your soul”. You cannot argue with a Christian who is determined to “save” you. This is going to end. May as well end it before the cost of the wedding and absolutely DO NOT have kids with this man.
And for the record, not only is the bible just one of many holy books, there are a couple dozen versions of the bible too, and some contradict others quite a bit.
Oof. You two are not compatible, and it’s a good thing you found out before you married him.
He sounds very devout, and I don’t think people like us understand religious devotion except intellectually. For him, though, it’s part of his identity. If he’s a Biblical literalist, it shapes his entire worldview. This is not like he’s a Cowboys fan and you’re an Eagles fan; he isn’t going to be able to separate his religion from any part of his life. Any rejection of it, no matter how minor, is going to feel to him like a rejection of him.
What are you going to do if you have kids? I really doubt he’ll let them be raised outside the church if he genuinely believes they’re going to go to an actual, literal Hell if they are. No matter what he says, he’s unlikely to stop trying to convert you. Also… I don’t know how long you’ve known each other and how long you’ve been engaged, but there apparently is a thing where fundamentalist evangelical Christians will marry non-Christians for the specific purpose of converting them. Which seems crazy as fuck to me, and also I thought it was mostly women who were sent out to do that, but it’s something to keep in mind.
You are not compatible.
IMO, I don’t see this relationship working out in the long run.
Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t respect your beliefs?
Religion is a crock of shit used to control people and used as a tax shelter.
There was a study done a while ago about what factors result in marriages that last. One of the biggest factors was having the same value system. The easiest way to have the same value system as your partner is to have the same religion. It isn’t necessarily for a good marriage, but can be helpful. It’s a little concerning that you don’t really understand what it means to be religious when your fiancé clearly is. It’s not just “true to him” and that “all regions are true”. He strongly believes in this one specific religion as universally true. You don’t necessarily need to agree, but you’re not respecting that, which is a problem. I’m guessing that not matching his faith isnt a dealbreaker for him since you’ve made it this far. Yes, you shouldn’t have to change your own beliefs, but you need to respect his.
Religion is a deal breaker, period. Imagine your future with him if he doesn’t respect your boundary. And what if you have children? Think about this deeply before you move forward with a marriage.
I’m an atheist and I believe your approach is perfect. Sadly, your husband’s approach appears to be you’re either completely with me or you’re against me. That said, I’m surprised this didn’t come up before marrying
Christians have a long history of forcing people to convert, and for demonizing other traditions and religions. They’re definitely the least tolerant group I’m aware of. I can’t imagine how getting someone to agree to my religion purely out of placating them would make me feel good. If it mattered for me to have a partner that believe what I believed I def wouldn’t want to achieve this by manipulation. I really can’t understand his perspective here.
This is not going to be easy to hear, but given your very different takes on the topic, which is apparently very Important to him, this likely won’t work out, especially if you have children.
This is not going to work. You are incompatible, break up and move on. You will both be happier.
You and your fiancé sound ideologically incompatible, and it will only get more and more difficult, especially if you intend to start a family with someone so…”deep” in their faith.
You’re SOL. People like that are so deep into the koolaid that all they care about is someone in their life that backs their insane belief system.
You seem respectful, but at some point you have to stand up for yourself. He’s a damn religious bully.
I mean, I don’t see a boundary in here.
> . So I just shut down and responded back telling him that I will, he responded back saying that he hoped so and he wants to be there for me, all I responded was okay.
This is the opposite of a boundary.
A boundary is an “I” statement of what you will do in a given situation, with zero expectation of change on somebody else’s part. “I will not date somebody who smokes” is a boundary. Other people can smoke all they want; you’re not requiring them to change. You’re just stating what you will do, which gives the other person more information to make their own choices.
For example, with my ‘I will not date a smoker’ boundary, if somebody I was dating decided to take up smoking, they’ve violated my boundary, and my reaction would be to follow through; we’re no longer dating.
But you’re a fool if you marry this man knowing that there’s this major, fundamental, irreconcilable incompatibility. Proselytizing and conversion are fundamental to Christianity; when you honestly believe that any non-Christian is doomed to eternal suffering in hell, unless they convert, you have a duty to convert people.
You two are definitely just not compatible. It sounds like he wants a Christian partner who shares his beliefs, and that is not who you are. Neither of you are wrong for having your respective beliefs and boundaries, but it is something that won’t allow the relationship to work out long term.
RUN!!! Your fiancé is stuck in his rigidity & will only make you miserable following a mythology you don’t agree with/on. Yes, I said mythology because that’s what ALL religions are. The more I’ve been learning since my own deconstruction has led me here: I’m an eclectic pagan who believes in the universe but not an all-encompassing creator aka I’m polytheistic instead of monotheistic.
You need to sit with yourself & decide what you believe & how what you believes dictates your life/worldview. This WILL come btwn you, especially if you have kids! Time to make a decision & stick with it.
I have no idea how you manage to stay in a relationship with a very religious person. Even if you’re spiritual or agnostic, organized religions are deeply controlling over every aspect of a person’s life. How you get married, handle marital disputes, give birth, raise your children, spend your free time, what politics you choose to endorse, where you spend your money- religion dictates how you do almost everything in your life.
His religion dictates that he prosthelatize and convert others. He will never stop trying with you. Consider what you want your future to look like. Consider whether or not you would ever believe in his religion. Im an atheist, and I know that i could never, ever date, let alone marry anyone that was devoted to any faith whatsoever. I can’t imagine marrying someone who thinks I’m going to hell because I don’t think how they think. I can’t imagine marrying someone who badgers me all the time about God.
Jesus I’d be dumping him so fast. Preach to me and you get in the bin.
You guys are fundamentally not compatible. He thinks your existence is a sin and he will spend his life trying to force you into a more God fearing believer
Definitely end it. There’s a difference between being religious and being a zealot, and he’s dipping a toe into zealotry by insisting that Christianity is the only truth and not just a religion.
Also his disrespect for your boundaries are concerning.
Man it baffles me how this isn’t known in like the first 3 dates.
unfortunate that this conversation is coming up after you’ve become engaged. the kind thing to do is recognize that this is a fundamental incompatibility, call off your engagement, and end your relationship. that sounds like an overreaction, because i’m sure you care for him, but this is not sustainable. conversations of religion, finance, kids, long term goals should happen before an engagement. proposals can be spontaneous, but they should happen only if there is consistent and meaningful alignment on your values as individuals and as a couple. y’all can’t see the forrest from the trees here, this is not just a simple boundary but an impassible hurdle.
Sweetheart…. This ‘man’ is showing classic signs of savior-complex.
This means that he wants to ‘bring you to god’ and most likely be the head of household. People like that will always take any words about their religion as an attack. And from what I’m reading I think he’s already starting with what I refer to as ‘soft gaslighting’: basically: he wraps up his demands as concerns and love.
This isn’t going to work. He is putting his religion first and he’s not going to give it up for you. You two are just incompatible
I am going to say that you aren’t compatible. But if you really want to know how the rest of your life will look, sit him down and tell him that you have no interest in his religion and will not be allowing your children to participate until they are old enough to have it be their personal choice and see how he reacts. Tell him you will not tolerate religious discussion in the house anymore as it is clearly detrimental to your life together and every time he brings it up for the next few days just blow an airhorn very loudly.
I’m sorry OP but you two are not going to work out. Your fiance sounds like he is very devoutly religious which means his religion is going to be in every part of his life, including his marriage and any children he may want. Where will you fit in in all this? Are you going to be happy being in a relationship where you’re put second to his beliefs? Are you going to be happy spending a lifetime attending church when you don’t believe? I’m also not religious and this sort of devotion doesn’t make sense to me but I don’t think your fiance is wrong in what he believes. However, him trying to convert you is wrong because he isn’t seeing you for who you are, listening to what you want, or treating you like a partner he loves and trusts.
Your paths are too divergent right now. He is trying to save you by seeing things his way and this is not what you want or need. Don’t allow yourself to be made smaller to meet his needs and don’t expect him to change for you either. Let go of the relationship and send him on with best wishes. It will suck for a bit, but it is best for both of you
I had an on and off relationship for decades. The kind that can just pick up where we left off and can’t be duplicated. He found “God” and decided i didn’t check the right boxes any more.
Cut your losses
This is not a viable relationship. Full stop.
You value and respect your fiance’s beliefs. The problem is that he neither respects or accepts yours. The love in your heart is driving you to try to compromise z and communicate. The love in his heart is demanding compliance. Please think about what you want your life to be. Are you sure he is the one? Will you be expected to go to church and pretend that you worship as he does. I come from a family of preachers. I left the Baptist Church to become a Buddhist. My Grandfather, who Baptized me said that all rivers lead to the sea. He loved me, and so did God. Total acceptance. If my grandpa was like that, why wouldn’t your soulmate be the same?
His point blank told you that he places his religion above all else, and that includes you. In addition, he wants you to be a believer. And you can look around and see many other scenarios where that only leads to a long road of trouble and conflictand wasted time.
He is trying to convert you, especially with the attending church too and the pushiness with his religion. He wants someone who is the same religion and does not actually accept you. I am not religious and my husband is a Buddhist (granted they tend to be a lot more chill and not pushy), he does not do this kind of thing, he just lets me be me and he does his own thing. Also him getting upset for calling a religion a religion is just wild. I know it sucks but you two are just not compatible.
It sounds like it’s very important to him to have a partner who shares his religious beliefs. You don’t, and he’s trying to change you. He’s starting to realize he can’t, so he’s struggling with what to do.
I think if you end it now, especially before getting married, the split could be amicable. Otherwise, you’re going to have the same fight over and over until the relationship becomes toxic. Ending it now will obviously hurt, but in the long run, staying together will hurt more.
A Christian who is this devout doesn’t actually accept you as a non believer, no matter what they say. They’re waiting for you to convert to Christianity. Since you haven’t yet, he’s going to increase the pressure in various ways. He believes that since you were a Christian before that eventually you’ll come back and he’ll be the hero who “saved” you.
Source: I’m a reformed Christian nutjob.
Unfortunately, this relationship isn’t going to work out. This is the kind of person who will continue to try to save your soul no matter what you want. If you don’t want to take up religion again, this will be a perpetual conflict throughout your relationship.
Is this someone you will be able to agree with in a marriage? Given that he would probably want to get married through the church and have a religious wedding? Will you be able to agree on gender roles in the relationship? What about how you raise children and their relationships with religion and church? These are important questions to ask yourself in a relationship. You already know the answers, it’s difficult but you have to take action sooner rather than later.
You shouldn’t marry this person, you are not compatible.
My sister is a Christian and married to an atheist. I’m a Christian and will probably marry an atheist. The piano player at the church we grew up in has been married to an atheist for decades.
There isn’t a belief system issue between you two, this is a respect issue. Here is what your fiancé really should be doing. It’s a verse in the Bible from Ephesians 5:26:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Literally your fiancé is commanded to love you like this. When the homeless Jesus preached he didn’t pressure anyone, crowds came to him. He only preached at the corrupt religious leaders and he used curse words at them (calling someone “viper” back in the day is like saying “fuck you” in 2025) Jesus just loved on people and let them make their own decision if they so chose. Then according to scripture he died for the sins of everyone.
Your fiancé is supposed to emulate this example with you. Him forcing his beliefs on you is 100% contradictory to what he is commanded to do by his own holy book. The Bible is abundantly clear that a man is to protect, provide for, love and cherish his woman. It doesn’t sound like your fiancé is doing this at all. It sounds like he’s trying to force you into a compatibility he doesn’t think is going to ever happen, hence him passive aggressively shutting down. You on the other hand seem like an empathetic and open hearted person, who is trying to make it work with the love of their life.
To me that is the real root issue, not if you two pray to the same deity at night. It sounds like this relationship should probably end. It sounds like this man is hell bent on whatever it takes to get you to conform and that could easily turn into abuse and much more trauma.
So, you know respecting others’ beliefs is a basic foundation for human interaction. He thinks respect of others’ beliefs is a sin.
Not only are basic values different. He has demonstrated he will never respect your boundary in this regards.
There is no such thing as successful marriage with people who have fundamentally different beliefs. One person is always miserable-has to be embarrassed in public conversations, and has to work around the other person’s take. Sincere belief in different religions and completely different sides of politics do not work. It’s a fantasy that people enduring miserable BS hold on to.
The only way different belief systems can work is if both people are truly willing to respect that the other believes something else, and that that is OK. Add in children, and it gets even more complicated. Even though you’re bending over backward for this guy, it’s still not enough for him. He wants you to believe what he believes just as much as he believes it, and anything less isn’t good enough. As long as he’s so hardcore about his beliefs and extends that to his expectations of you, it will never work out between the two of you.
I’m sorry but you’re not compatible! Save your self the trouble and find someone else.
Theists and atheists, but not a devout theist, which he sounds to be.
He sounds really toxic
You have a very valid right to set up a boundary about religion. He can worship all the hell he wants, but to force you to take that up as a condition… that sounds very controlling
If your fiance has read the Bible he would understand that you are not supposed to force religion on people but rather live a religious life and let people ask you about it. You can still be Christian and still have a relationship with God. You don’t even have to go to church. “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.” Matthew 6:5-6.
People think that being Christian is going to church every Sunday and being surrounded by hypocritical people. It’s not. It’s a lot more simple than that. What Christianity is trying to do is basically tell you to live life as close to perfection as you can. News flash, you can’t! But you still try. And when you fall off you pray. Like truly pray. You have to actually be sorry for falling off and sinning. Nobody is perfect and Christ knows that. It’s the action of know you sinned and deciding not not what to sin anymore that disciplines you into not sinning. The point is to try every day.
That being said, I’m sorry you went through things that pushed you away from religion. Your fiance is wrong for trying to force religion on you and if he can’t get over that then he needs to go back and read the Bible.
You two aren’t compatable. You should really break off the relationship now. He isn’t going to stop pressuring you to take his religion as gospel, the one and only, and you clearly don’t want that. To be happy you need to cut him free.
Any person using religion as an excuse to judge people for being kind and tolerant is imo not worth knowing.
I’m so sorry to tell you, but your relationship is not going to work out. He has told you who he is, believe him the first time. He is not willing to respect your views or opinions on this. Going forward he is going to require you to believe in what he believes.
And what are you going to do if you have children, is he going to respect your beliefs with the children? Please trust me when it is way. Easier to get out now than after a wedding.
I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, but it’s a good thing this conversation happened before the wedding. Someone who is as religious as your fiance is not compatible with someone who doesn’t share the same beliefs. He doesn’t sound like the kind of person who will compromise, and he obviously doesn’t have the same respect for your (lack of) beliefs that you have for his. You need to break it off , for your own good. Only misery lays down this path, if you choose to continue.
I don’t think the problem here is him being religious or you not being specific to a certain religion, the root of the problem is that he’s so rigid in his beliefs that he’s trying to force you to agree and conform to them and using manipulative language to try to get you to capitulate rather than truly trying to understand and be okay with your point of view. It seems to me you are the one compromising on issues while he is unwilling to do so and that never works out.
Although the differences in religion here is an issue, the primary problem is how he chooses to respond and react to the situation. Even if you were having a disagreement on something as silly as ‘the best flavor of donut’ the issue is he’s not willing to see things from a different perspective, accept that you have a valid opinion or compromise in anyway, instead he is accusatory and manipulative in his language showing a certain disregard for your opinion/feelings/autonomy and that is a larger issue because it’s not going to be limited to religion in the long run.
You’re naive to think someone’s core values and beliefs are a “small” boundary. It’s part of who they are. You’re looking at this situation through a completely false lens not rooted in reality.
He has strong beliefs. Although other people from other religions would disagree with him since everyone believes something different. You two aren’t compatible
Don’t marry this person.
You cant reason with insanity
Girl, don’t waste time with a person who puts religion over people.
Your future marriage will end in divorce. Do not marry someone who isn’t okay with respecting your own beliefs
I am so sorry but this relationship is not going to work. There are 3 things that historically people have actually gone to war over – religion, greed and politics (with views on greed and politics often being related to religion.) Think about the current Gaza Strip situation or the ongoing tensions between Muslims and other religions. This goes all the way back past the Crusades until the time of when Jesus was crucified by the non-believers and probably before that.
The thing is, religious beliefs are unilateral. Every religion believes that they are right and if you don’t follow their faith, you’re going to hell or purgatory or will be reincarnated as an earthworm or whatever that belief system considers to be the consequence of not believing their way. For a lot of religious people, it’s basically their way or the wrong way. There is no compromise. It seems your fiancé is one of those people. You’re never going to change him and he’s not going to stop trying to save you.
At this point, the decision is totally on you whether you can accept him as is, religion and all or if you need to move on. Best wishes.
UpdateMe
I recommend pre-marital counseling for you if you want to continue down the road to marriage. Given your differences, I would see both a religious and a secular counselor. Beyond religion, how do you both want to handle raising & disciplining children? Finances? Housework? Gender roles? Friendships? Vacations?
I am so sorry, you might want to think your relationship.
If you do decide to leave, you can always tell him you aren’t comfortable and very horrified that someone believes sacrificing an innocent to atone for their sins is the way to live their lives and be around other people.
You two aren’t compatible.
You two are not compatible. He’s going to double down on this after the wedding and make you miserable.
Run
You know, if all of human history and records were lost, science will be rediscovered exactly as is…. religion on the other hand? The bible couldn’t keep its own story straight…..
This is not going to work out, and I am so sorry for that. You should end it now before things get more painful and complicated.
You respect his belief system, but he does not respect yours. He sees you as someone with “church hurt,” and therefore, he thinks your reasons for disbelief aren’t valid. He will always want or try to convert you.
Secondly and just ad important, the communication you both have is an issue and will not make for a successful or happy marriage. Both of you are shutting down when conversations become difficult. This is a setup for failure.
If his religion is that important to him, you’re not compatible
OP, the best you can ever hope is to be the third most important thing in your (STBX?) BF’s life. Third. If you’re not at the top, you’ll always be an afterthought.
Bets of luck going forward, but honestly I would break it off. Theres a term for it in the Christian religion, the concept of being “evenly yoked” in terms of “carrying the spiritual burden of the relationship.” I don’t remember what exactly the pastor said back with I was still forced to go to church, all I know is I never had any luck with dating someone of a different belief system to mine. It’s why I’m so glad to have stumbled into a relationship with a fellow pagan— we might worship different gods, but the core ideas are the same, you know? So I think that’s what Christians mean by “evenly yoked.”
All religion is a virus and a form of control. If humans go extinct and somehow come around again in 100 million years, science will be replicated – word for word. Religion will not. Any of them.
Science isn’t a spectrum. It is repeatable, provable, viewable truths.
Religion is a fairytale created by some sort of ruling power or someone who wanted to be a ruling power. Religion will not be replicated.
You guys are just not compatible. I’ve learned dating people who are religious (even as a religious person who doesn’t believe in organized religion) is super hard when you don’t share the same beliefs. If they can’t be casual this will never work, and he cannot be casual. Cut your losses while you’re ahead.
I had a friend who would do this. Note the word ‘had’. I’d set boundaries, but she still tried it on ever 6 months or so. We did drift apart gradually. The final straw came after a death in my family when she used that as an opportunity to push her religion (Born Again Christian) hard. She would not stop until I ended the call. After that there was nothing more to say. I ended up ghosting/blocking her and it has been wonderful for my wellbeing.
There is no reasoning with some people.
The two of you are not compatible. It’s best you recognize that now and end it before you waste more of your time with him.
Maam
His relationship is with God and religion
You will always come second. Just remember that
you can respect his beliefs while he cannot respect yours. run!
don’t marry someone that isn’t on the same page with you regarding religion or lack thereof, it just works better for both parties
Religion is not a small boundary – it’s a huge part of people’s lives
Religious people are exhausting. Personally I would have been out the door at “my Lord is more important to me than you are.” That’s good, go date him then 😂
It’s good that you found this out now…you DO know that this is not an issue that will simply go away right?
Sorry, but this does seem promising.
I think you know, you need to end this relationship. He is putting religion, before you and you aren’t religious.
People like this will make you join the church, and you will be stuck.
He showed you; he doesn’t respect your boundary. It is his way in the future.
Irreconcilable differences. It sucks to get attached to someone who cannot respect your fundamental values and will never put you first. He’s also shook, and it’s good he’s actually hearing you now.
Lessons for next time: the point of dating is you gotta figure out if you’re compatible if not a perfect match on a whole list before planning a future together.
So you would sooner be forced into a religion that you don’t believe in rather than break up with an emotionally abusive person?
You’re simply not compatible.
He told you explicitly that his religion is more important than to him than anything, including you. As an atheist I’d never accept playing second fiddle to a fictional being in my lover’s heart but you do you, boo
Hi, I myself am a Christian and I wanted to say first off I’m so sorry for what that church put you through. Second off, this relationship is unequally yoked and God has a way of removing things like that from people’s lives. I’m not just saying religiously unequal but also it seems emotionally. He is wanting you to go down this path with him and instead of respecting your wishes or trying to understand your trauma he is throwing a temper tantrum. This is not what we are instructed to do as Christians. I don’t know if this relationship is going to work if he absolutely needs you to be Christian. If you’re supposed to be Christian, it will happen. He is not God. He cannot call the shots. He can share his religion with you and his love for the Lord but by it is not okay to disrespect your boundaries. (I have also dealt with “church hurt”)
Indeed Christianity is just as real a delusion as all the others. Funny that he got all bent out of shape with Christianity being described as “a religion” instead of “the one an dkbky true religion” 😂
You are not compatible with this man.
As an outsider, this is an unhealthy relationship. I’m an atheist and have had relationships with religious people in the past and never tried to swat them from their belief. I only had one that it became problematic that I didn’t accept their religion. For my own mental health and well being I had to end the relationship. Your fiancé admitted you will always be #2. I wish you luck.
Sorry, hon, but you guys have a basic incompatibility. He told you straight out that his religion comes first. He’s not going to accept that it isn’t the same for you. (He wouldn’t accept it if you followed a different religion either.)
You need to let him go so you can BOTH get through the heartache and move on to people who are compatible with your basic beliefs.
The two of you don’t sound compatible.
Why would you marry someone who says their religion, which you don’t fully believe in, is more important than anything else?
Telling someone who believes in a monotheistic religion that you “believe in all religions” isn’t going to placate him either, because his religion depends on that not being true.
Even if you’re fine with him having different beliefs, he clearly isn’t fine with you having different beliefs, and the only way for him to change that is to give up his own beliefs.
These people piss me off- they always play the victim and aren’t open minded about anyone else’s beliefs, like just leave us alone lol. I would probably not marry him because he sounds extremely attached to his religion and sensitive about it to a slightly crazy point imo
Interfaith marriages only work when one or both partbers are willing to capitulate on their beliefs.
Thats not possible here. Time to seperate.
Time to move on. It’ll never ever work
You are not compatible with each other. I’m sorry. Sometimes, you gotta just cut your losses. He’ll never get off of your back about you needing to believe what he believes….
Here’s the thing:
This isn’t about religion. This is about respect.
You are with someone who will not respect a basic boundary- not bringing up God/Christianity to you because you have trauma related to that topic.
He values his belief in/relationship with the God he worships more than he values you.
It is time to part ways. This isn’t going to get better.
>All I wanted was to set a small boundary between our relationship and religion and it went down hill to where I had to back out and pretty much in my eyes get forced into a religion I didn’t want to go back in.
You have a choice.
You are choosing to potentially live a lie and endure religion to hold on to your fiance…
How feasible is this long-term OP?
I’m sorry, but you are not compatible. He needs a woman who shares and practices his religious beliefs. You are not that woman.
You need a man who will respect your boundaries. He is not that man.
It’s best to make a clean break, so you can both find what you need.
Doesn’t sound you are compatible. He can believe in God if he likes and you saying all religions are same doesn’t make much sense. Just break up
When I was raised in my Christian home I was indoctrinated with the idea that being “unequally yoked” with a non-believer would be a problem. I adopted this belief, and it hobbled my life for a number of years.
I think that this is what’s going on with your fiancé, though he may use different terminology. From what you describe, he wants/needs for you to believe in the same way, the same things that he does. You might be able to say you believe the same things (not sure on this point), but you don’t seem to believe them in the same way.
Fiancé may be getting schooled on this by some higher-ups at his church who don’t want him to make a “terrible mistake.” Maybe ask him if this is what’s going on, and if this is what he believes. If so, and if he’s set on this path (i.e. not willing to compromise), then you’ve got some decisions to make. Set aside your past trauma and embrace fully what he’s putting forward? Break up? I’m not sure if there’s a happy middle ground that he can accept.
Time for you to say goodbye. Control starts early. Huge red flag.
A religious zealot like your fiance will NEVER accept any boundary to their faith. You need to run girl. RUN!
You two are not compatible. Stop fighting the inevitable and break up. He can go find a Christian woman and you can find someone who matches your beliefs. He’s never going to stop trying to recruit you.
I can’t understand people who go after someone and then try to change them. Just leave them alone if they aren’t what you are looking for!
If he really is a Christian, as in a devout one, your relationship, as long as you are an atheist, is not going to work out. It is just the plain truth. Even according to the Bible, they are not to be ‘unequally yoked’ with those who aren’t Christians. Religion/faith is something that you guys have to be on the same page about early on, otherwise the relationship WILL fall apart sooner or later.
Oh I feel this so hard,
I have my own religious trauma, especially as a woman,
To the point I don’t see myself ever dating or marrying someone with strong relationships beliefs, (I would maybe be ok with Judaism or native beliefs as those have less of the religious oppression I’ve faced and I particularly like the Jewish and native cultures)
But for example I don’t think I’d never date anyone Christian or any other flavors of sed religion, or Islam,
I just don’t want to expose a daughter to what I was exposed to and have seen other women exposed to and stuffer,
And not just to protect a daughter but if I ever had a disabled or LGBTQ+ child I know how that can go with religion.
We still see conversion camps exposed even in 2025 it’s horrific.
I just can’t do that
Mnm girl, no! This man is trying to get you into his cult. He doesn’t care how you think or feel. You will also call his lord “master.” And if you have kids with him he’ll indoctrinate and fuck up the children. Just gtfo.
I think a lot of the commenters are being a little overly condescending and cynical about your fiancé and his religion (and I say this as an atheist lol), but there is a point to be made that you two are unfortunately just not fundamentally compatible because you have such different beliefs.
According to his religion, his is the only real one. The fact that you believe in all of them and treat them the same, in his eyes, invalidates his beliefs. To him, he doesn’t just believe, he KNOWS. it’s like going to a scientist who knows the earth is round and saying you respect their belief and believe it too but you also believe every other theory about the shape of the earth.
He may be tolerant of other religions, but in his mind only his is real and the fact that you don’t follow the same beliefs is offensive and hurtful because you’re saying what he believes, “knows” is as real as the things he believe are fake.
Furthermore, it’s not just that he believes it’s real, it’s that his beliefs are directly tied to salvation. According to his religion, he has a moral duty to convert you to his beliefs because if does not try, he’s damning you to hell.
Honestly, neither of you are really wrong. Your beliefs are your own and you’re entirely entitled to not wanting to be proselytized, especially if it’s tied to some sort of trauma. However, doing so would be fundamentally incompatible with his own values.
Reddit is very anti religion so I think some of the comments are being a little unfair to your fiancé and assuming the worst. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that his actions are malicious or intentionally disrespectful. He’s probably well intentioned and wants you to convert because he cares about you (not some secret evil reason), but it is still disrespectful and unfair to you. But it’s not something thats going to change, not because he wants to be disrespectful or malicious, but because those actions are tied to his “reality”, so if he were to change he’d be rejecting his own reality and a part of himself.
He may be tolerant of other religions generally but his beliefs don’t allow him to simply agree to disagree with a life partner about it. Your beliefs allow you to accept that his beliefs are real to him and differ to yours. His beliefs do not allow him to accept your beliefs because his beliefs are an absolute truth to him, so everyone else’s must be fictional.
He fundamentally cannot accept your beliefs, and he cannot accept that you don’t “see” that his beliefs are the one real one.
This isn’t really something that can be fixed unless one of your mindsets changes drastically (i.e you convert to his beliefs wholeheartedly or he magically becomes less devout). Either option is unfair to expect of the other. Practically, you can’t really expect him to come around and accept what you’re saying or to stop trying to convert you because it contradicts his beliefs and, by extension, that means expecting him to change fundamentally. By that same token he can’t expect you to just convert one day. You two are ideologically incompatible.
I’m sorry you’re hurting OP. this situation really sucks, but it’s probably for the best if you two part ways because this isn’t something that can be worked out and the issue will inevitably keep coming up (speaking as someone with divorced parents, one atheist, one catholic).
How do you become engaged and not have already settled this? Isn’t this kinda a big deal to have sorted before the engagement? It clearly seems to be for him.