This is my first time posting, Ill try to keep it concise.
My (42m) fiance (30f) spent 2 hours complaining about my 2 kids (12f & 8f) because they were too excited about the dog she brought home to foster.
Some background, I split with the girls mom(34f) 3 years ago, she has been diagnosed bi-polar/schitzo affective. We have not and do not plan to have any court ordered custody, we’ve been able to co parent amicably for the most part. About a year ago my ex got off her meds, made some bad decisions and my fiance and I took over primary care taking so the girls would have a more stage environment(fiancé encouraged this).
So my fiance agreed to foster this elderly chihuahua and possibly adopt if we couldn’t find the owner. She previously had a very elderly chihuahua that we had to put to sleep last year so she has some sentimental stuff for elderly dogs, and I enjoy them too. The kids were obviously excited when she came home with her and wanted to do all the things and play with the dog etc. Last night after they went to bed she proceeded to tell me how the girls stole her dog, she didnt get to spend time with her like she wanted, they just take everything thats hers etc. Then also had a similar thing when they saw me downloading the game “It takes two” and said they were excited to play it with me. She said “I was excited to play it with you but now I wont get to play because they will always be on it” which isn’t even likely, they aren’t big gamers or anything.
Im just kinda at a loss of how to handle all this, we’ve had issues before of course but never anything with the kids that felt like it might be unfixable.
Comments
You’re completely right in that last sentiment. This does sound unfixable. It’s strange that a grown woman can be jealous or envious of children spending time with their father. In my opinion, she knew you had kids but didn’t anticipate them being around all the time since you and your ex are divorced. I don’t think she ever anticipated being someone’s mother figure, she sounds more like a “dog mom”. At the end of the day, you know your kids gotta come first. There’s plenty of women who would be willing to step up to the plate, you just gotta broaden your horizons.
Maybe try to have a certain time around yalls schedule wear you can do things together? I think she’s a little overreacting to the daughters wanting to play with the dog because it’s kids after all. Probably try telling the kids that your fiance would like to have fun with the dog sometimes too and maybe they’ll understand
Sounds like she’s jealous of…children. I mean this is a conversation you should have with her in private to ask her what she expected. The likelihood that the kids excitement will die down is very promising (she just needs to be patient) and in terms of the game, I mean maybe set some time aside for her and you to play it when the kids are in bed? She’s being emotional and irrational in terms of her expectations at this point and the way she’s communicating it is very immature. Just present it to her in a factual manner with the reassurances.
Gee, I think you made a mistake. She’s acting like a child.
>how the girls stole her dog, she didnt get to spend time with her like she wanted, they just take everything thats hers
>I was excited to play it with you but now I wont get to play because they will always be on it
If she says something like this, she isn’t capable to have relationship with someone with children. Massive red flag.
Remember, children should always be your priority. Not your gf/fiance. Don’t marry her.
You are dating a woman 12 years younger than you who does not live in the same level of maturity as you… shocking…
She is jealous of your kids. Scroll Reddit for an hour to read complaints from adult kids about how that affects their relationship with their parents.
Maybe end this relationship and date your own age.
STOP RIGHT HERE. I made the mistake of ignoring resentment towards my children at the ages of 8 and 5 by my fiancé at the time and blew past all the red flags. fast forward, I can’t take the time to explain the trauma and drama of our life together, but suffice it to say my husband eventually used my oldest son as a scapegoat to use drugs and used heroin with him, blamed him for his drug problem and eventually killed himself. His daughter, whom I raised from the age of 8, also killed herself because of the situation. My kids survived and thrived, but it was a giant mistake on my part to marry this guy who didnt love my children.
You are rushing into marriage, probably because you need a wife to handle the household now that you have primary custody. Do better for your children, and date someone your age. Not someone 12 years younger who’s going to want her own children to replace yours.
Do not marry this woman. Your kids will grow up and resent you.
While she shows you ‘good things’ about herself, what you’re seeing towards the kids is very concerning and can escalate to be a threat to them.