My fiancé said something hurtful about our kids..

So Me 25/F and my Fiancé 26/M have 2 beautiful boys (1y, Irish twins) together who are the absolute center of my universe. It happened fast, we were only together maybe 4 months when I got pregnant (irresponsible I know) but here we are. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I became a mother. I dropped all bad habits and changed my life for the better, I went to therapy got on medication to battle with my depression/anxiety, got a well paying job, anything to give my sons the best version of myself because I didn’t get that. Regardless, I strive every day to be a good damn mom the best I can.

So, we have been together for about 3 years. These three years have been far from easy. We’ve been having some issues lately because finances and I feel he always complains about the kids, damn near anytime I asked for help with anything, or there’s “no food” (literally ask what he wants from the store every week). Anyways, I also have major depressive disorder and I haven’t been able to afford my meds in 2 months. This last week I have been mentally spiraling because I’m off my meds, my job is extremely demanding, I have 2 toddlers, and we’re not renewing our lease that’s up in October because they’re raising the rent $300 and we can’t afford it, so we’re moving to a place with a better deal. I am away from my kids to work 12hrs a day, 5 days a week. I see my kids about 3hrs a day before I put them to sleep and it breaks my heart. I hate it. However, I have a good job that is potentially a very good career path. Frankly, it’s the best that our family has going right now because his job is, say for people who live with their parents and have little obligations. His job pays $14/hr, he gets about 30ish hrs and I want him to move on and find another job that allows him to work full time at a decent rate (really all I want is our bills to be 50/50). I was trying to be lenient because he watches the kids while I’m away because we can’t afford daycare. I’ve been looking into possible assistance to get them into one because I feel like he just puts them in front a TV and plays video games all day and hardly interacts with them. I’ve just been unable to find a way to make it work and I feel like I’m failing. We’re living check to check and I pay 80%, he maybe pays 20% (he’s short often). He doesn’t help with groceries or anything, I think in the 2 years we’ve had the babies he’s only bought 2 boxes of diapers. I can’t accept this anymore, I literally can’t afford it. We’ve also had some issues because I feel like he’s unaffectionate and emotionally unavailable. He often crosses boundaries, is disrespectful, and his personality is kind of just mean with everyone I’ve noticed. I haven’t been really liking how our relationship has been going because I feel like it’s lacking in the areas that make me feel wanted. But I love him, he’s got a good heart, and I wanted to fix us. So I told him exactly how I felt. I don’t come from a broken home and I never wanted that for my boys. I’m a firm believer that boys need their father. I also like to try and believe grass is greener where you water it. He heard me out, we agreed to go to counseling, he’s said he’s looking for another job so things seemed to have been good the last couple days and I was excited to be moving forward towards growing a better foundation for our relationship. Except, tonight we were talking on the phone and he was saying he only wants to live to be 60. Somewhat jokingly, I replied well if that’s how you feel then we’re definitely having more kids later on (Obviously when we get to being to a place of financial stability and our relationship is going well). I’m currently on birth control but he’s known our whole relationship that I’ve always wanted a big family. I want 4 kids total. He’s even said he’d be good with it in the past. Anyways,

he cuts me off and says “No F that, you want that. I don’t like babies, I hate toddlers. People say that kids grow up fast, no that sh’t isn’t happening fast enough”. I told him he was wrong and that what he said hurt me. I told him I was going to bed and hung up. Then I broke.

Its not about him not wanting more kids. Im hurt at what he said. I feel like at this point, he doesn’t deserve me and certainly not my kids. Even though THEY’RE HIS KIDS. I’ve told him countlessly I would give anything to be able to be with our kids all day/everyday. I’d quit my job as long as he had a good one that offers insurance benefits for the boys. I’d switch to a night shift job, literally whatever so that I’d be the primary caretaker. It broke my heart when he said that. And honestly I feel like it might be in mine and my kids best interest to try and move back in with my parents short term, if they’ll allow it and put them in daycare while I figure out how to give my babies the best life I possibly can while trying to co-parent. AIO? Idk but if I am, what the heck do I do?

TL;DR : My fiancé has been lacking as a partner and father. I was ready to fix it but he said something about our kids that hurt me and I’m wonder what’s the best move.