My fiancé(30M) and I(30F), come from two very opposite upbringings and face different problems that are starting to build up resentment in our relationship. Is this something that can be fixed or will it just not work out?

Throwaway for privacy reasons. I(30F) don’t come from a life of poverty, but I was raised in a single income blue collar family and things like going out to eat and the like were considered a treat for special occasions. My parents always lived in a scarcity mindset with money and I was always in the know with their financial business which has caused me a lot of stress around money from a young age. I didnt go to college because it wasn’t an option so I started working in retail fresh out of high school. I still live with my parents but am financially independent and work a very physically demanding 9-5 job, but don’t make a lot of money.

My fiancé(30M) on the other hand, was raised very sheltered by his parents and never had to want for anything. His parents are pastors of a fairly large church that they founded and that we currently attend. They have 4 kids total and paid for all of them to go to college out of pocket, take frequent vacations, live in a very wealthy neighborhood on a golf course and dare I say, have all name brand food in the fridge/pantry. They always foot the bill at nice family dinners and will casually drop me $300-$400 to housesit for them for like 3 days and have even offered to pay for me to go back to school.

For context, my fiancé is a very kind and loving Christian man and treats me very well, and currently lives on his own and works at our church and has a job that he went to school for, but was basically handed to him because of his parents positions and has a very flexible schedule and works probably around 15 total hours a week while making a very comfortable salary.

The tension starts when he complains about his problems that honestly make me roll my eyes sometimes. I listen to him (not exaggerating) consistently whining about waking up so early at 10 AM one day a week for meetings when he stayed up all night playing video games, voluntarily going on expensive trips with our church that are not required for his job, and complaining about not being able to play sports with his buddies in the middle of the workday because it’s raining. I could go on but you get it. When I have an issue, he just says “I’m sorry” and thats really it. I get that perspective is everything when it comes to lifestyles, but I feel very alone a lot because of his lack of understanding.

He has made comments about his parents putting money in his bank account, buying him brand new home appliances, and doesn’t understand the concept of budgeting. He also doesnt know how to grocery shop, does not keep up with his vehicle maintenance(car is 4K miles over needing oil change, needs new brakes very badly) and his mom still cleans his house at least once a month and if she doesnt, he lets the shower get moldy, dishes pile up and leaves laundry everywhere. He jokes that “You’ll be taking care of me” once we get married, because I am naturally very giving with my time and labor. I have told him multiple times that I am not his mother and i expect him to chip in with housework and cooking especially with his flexibility when I work 9-5 and usually 50 hours a week. *His parents* have even told me that he needs help with the things I said above, which raises a lot of concern with me.

We’ve been together almost 2 years and engaged for a few months and I feel like these issues have only come to light over the past few months and is starting to build resentment. I know all of this needs to be brought up before we continue with wedding planning, but I just dont know where to start without coming off sounding ugly because he is, like I said a wonderful man with a big heart, but if at 30 he’s unwilling to care for himself and toughen up a little then it’ll be a deal breaker for me because I know I cant change him. I couldn’t bring myself to marry for money if I’m unhappy.

So how do I even start to address this? Does this just make us incompatible?

TL;DR: I(30F) come from a lower middle class family and am engaged to (30M) who comes from a privileged upbringing, complains about his “problems”, doesn’t acknowledge or try to understand mine, has not yet learned how to care for himself and still relies on his parents for money. The two of us face very different issues in life, leaving me feeling alone in our relationship. How do I begin to address this or are we simply incompatible?