I realize that the title is pretty inflammatory but my (37m) fiancée (36f) has been going through a lengthy depressive episode. She has gone through depressive episodes before in our relationship and I’ve offered similar advice every time (talk to doctor, contact therapist, find medication that works for you, etc). In the past, she has pushed back against it and then has seemingly gotten back into good mental place. By this I mean going from days in bed back to a normal schedule and working actively to combat depression. We’ve gone through this cycle maybe 3 times in our almost 10 year relationship.
Recently though, I learned that during a particularly bad spell (I was on a work trip out of town) she reached out to 3 of my friends to say that she was alone in a hotel and did they want to join her.
When I got back from the trip she immediately told me what happened and explained that she’d been feeling extremely down and drank to a point of extreme excess and didn’t really remember messaging them. She’s been very apologetic and has start up a plan to see a therapist, get on medication, and stop drinking. Nothing like this has ever happened before.
All of my friends turned her down and I found out through her, not them. I’m feeling very divided here. On the one hand, she betrayed me in a big embarassing way, but on the other she had been very much suffering from mental illness and has taken steps to move forward.
I want to trust her and want to move forward but understand that I now kind of look like an idiot? Idk any advice is welcome.
TL;DR my fiancée messaged my friends about hooking up because she was deeply depressed
Comments
I mean, I wouldn’t stay with her. She sounds generally unstable, which doesn’t fit my goals in a partner. But I’m not you. You have all the information you need to make an informed decision.
Depression is not an excuse for trying to bang your friends when you’re out of town.
Action speak louder than words. She needs to prove herself. If she doesn’t then there’s your answer. It’s time to leave.
Being depressed doesn’t make you want to fuck your partner’s friends.
I dunno man. I’m Bi-Polar. It sounds like that is what is going on here. Her refusing to take meds is not helping, as you know. I personally am not sure I could forgive this. It seems aggressive she messaged so many of your friends. It sounds like she was possibly black out drunk. Also why was she in a hotel room in the first place? I think you may need to see if there is more going on here. Her behavior seems like a massive red flag. I would separate until you get some clarity. See if you can get her to stay with family. Maybe it is intervention time? Best of luck. UpdateMe
Absolutely not. That behavior implies more than a depressive episode. You’re in for a long road of hurt if you stay with her.