Hi guys! I’m not sure if anything happened but I just can’t get it out of my head and it’s the reason I’m writing. I don’t usually have anything to write about, I have a pretty good life, but this recent episode just doesn’t sit right with me.
So, my recent fiancée 25m( he proposed not even a month ago, been together 7 years) went out with coworkers as it’s the end of the school year and he is a PE teacher and many of his coworkers were going out. I knew out of all the teachers some will be going with their wives but out of the people close to him in age none would be bringing their girlfriends, so I was ok to sit this one out.
At about 11 pm I texted him if he was having fun he said he was drinking but not actually having fun. I asked if he wanted me to pick him up eventually as the location was far and also a storm was coming.
He said that he wasn’t sure what time he would come home so he would text me if needed.
Fast forward to 5 am, I wake up and he is not home yet, normally I would just go back to sleep but I wasn’t feeling ok about the situation, so I call him. He tells me he is on his way( I had his location the whole time, we always share it, but I never use it). I look at the location and he is close so I wait. 15 minutes go by and he is not home yet, I look again at the location and he is one block away from where he initially was.
When he comes home he tells me that him and his colleague wanted to go to a different location to have some beers after the dinner ended so him, this male colleague and 2 women( that I never heard about ) went out and stayed until 3:30 am. It took him 1 and a half hours to get home..
Apparently one of the two women, a psychology teacher, got him home as she was not drinking and had a car. She dropped him off at the intersection and he would walk home the rest of the way.
When I asked if anything happened he was so shocked and asked why I don’t trust him. I trust him enough to be fine with him going out in the middle of the night with people I mostly don’t know, but making it this small circle party..I just don’t think it’s ok, I know if it would’ve happened in reverse he wouldn’t have been ok with it. He said it’s not true. But that’s not the point.
He could have texted me and tell me where he was going, what was happening.. but he said he knew I was asleep. He was just so.. IDK.. hesitant to tell me who he was with it just gave me a bad feeling.
He went to bed as soon as he got home and I wasn’t able to go back to sleep.. I just can’t stop thinking… who are these girls I never heard about? I mean he only told me about other PE teachers, and some middle aged primary teachers.. He has never cheated on me but this situation doesn’t sit right with me. Thoughts?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi guys! I’m not sure if anything happened but I just can’t get it out of my head and it’s the reason I’m writing. I don’t usually have anything to write about, I have a pretty good life, but this recent episode just doesn’t sit right with me.
So, my recent fiancée 25m( he proposed not even a month ago, been together 7 years) went out with coworkers as it’s the end of the school year and he is a PE teacher and many of his coworkers were going out. I knew out of all the teachers some will be going with their wives but out of the people close to him in age none would be bringing their girlfriends, so I was ok to sit this one out.
At about 11 pm I texted him if he was having fun he said he was drinking but not actually having fun. I asked if he wanted me to pick him up eventually as the location was far and also a storm was coming.
He said that he wasn’t sure what time he would come home so he would text me if needed.
Fast forward to 5 am, I wake up and he is not home yet, normally I would just go back to sleep but I wasn’t feeling ok about the situation, so I call him. He tells me he is on his way( I had his location the whole time, we always share it, but I never use it). I look at the location and he is close so I wait. 15 minutes go by and he is not home yet, I look again at the location and he is one block away from where he initially was.
When he comes home he tells me that him and his colleague wanted to go to a different location to have some beers after the dinner ended so him, this male colleague and 2 women( that I never heard about ) went out and stayed until 3:30 am. It took him 1 and a half hours to get home..
Apparently one of the two women, a psychology teacher, got him home as she was not drinking and had a car. She dropped him off at the intersection and he would walk home the rest of the way.
When I asked if anything happened he was so shocked and asked why I don’t trust him. I trust him enough to be fine with him going out in the middle of the night with people I mostly don’t know, but making it this mall circle party..I just don’t think it’s ok, I know if it would’ve happened in reverse he wouldn’t have been ok with it. He said it’s not true. But that’s not the point.
He could have texted me and tell me where he was going, what was happening.. but he said he knew I was asleep. He went to bed as soon as he got home and I wasn’t able to go back to sleep.. I just can’t stop thinking… who are these girls I never heard about? I mean he only told me about other PE teachers, and some middle aged primary teachers.. He has never cheated on me but this situation doesn’t sit right with me. Thoughts?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This is a you problem. You either trust your fiancee or you do not.
It wouldn’t sit right with me either. Because why did she drop him off at the intersection rather than drive him all the way home?
His first response was to use DARVO. (Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim & Offender) That’s not a good sign. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. Sorry.
Yikes! This wouldn’t sit well with me too. 5am? Then a woman drops him home and has her drop him off one block away from your house? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your fiancee does not respect you. End of story.
You said it, if it were reverse. You and your girlfriend hanging out with two guys your fiance doesn’t know and you come home at 5am.
I’m married to a teacher and they are very very gossipy. So if anything did happen more than likely you will find out soon.
UPDATEME!
This is not good.
He got himself a little poontang.
Yea hate to tell you your fiance cheated. Plus going on a date with 2 women til 5am ? He had himself an excellent night out. I think I’d put the brakes on the engagement til you decide if you’ll fall for any of his bs excuses. Let him know he broke your trust in a major way and that’s not fiance material. While he “may” not have done anything but kissing, but I can assure you 2 guys taking 2 girls for drinks and being with them til 5am that he at minimum emotionally cheated on you and at worst he completely crossed the line and had sex.
Speaking from personal experience, run. Nothing good happens after 2am
Finger banging isn’t considered cheating so it’s ok
Yeah trust your gut. He totally darvo’d you then walked away. An engaged man has no business being in that situation not to mention you didn’t hear about the chicks til after and he was out all night. There’s no chance whatsoever that he didn’t do something wrong.
I mean men can cheat with men too. Just Sayin. Id focus more on the way he acted and being secretive about it then the fact that their were women there. Did the location app show him anywhere he shouldnt of been?
Yes, this sounds very suspicious! You should ask him for the names and numbers of a couple of people who were with him during those wee hours of the morning so you can confirm his story (or see if they have their stories straight). Your fiancé needs to learn that suspicious behavior leads to – well, suspicion!
Don’t listen to these people who don’t know you telling that he definitely cheated. He had good time, got far too drunk and time has a way of getting away from you when that happens. It doesn’t mean he cheated. Trust your instincts and you should trust him as long as he hasn’t given you a reason to not trust him. Especially, if it was a one time thing and not a usual pattern. Don’t buy into all the mass hysteria. People on Reddit suck.
Update me please!
Even if nothing happened, this kind of behavior is just disrespectful coming from a partner. I dealt with this in my last relationship, he would stay out until 5-7am regularly and act like it was normal.
Get his phone and check it. Send yourself any evidence. Then when he wakes up as what really happened. If he gets defensive say you got a message and he better be able to repeat verbatim what it says or it’s over.
Once he gets flustered tell him you now need the truth or he will be leaving this second.
Chill out and talk to him in the morning. Nothing good will come asking rabid redditors ready to wreak havoc on relationships what this could mean. This is not a healthy place for you right now.
Nothing good happens after midnight generally holds up pretty well for relationships.
Trust your gut.
Updateme
Trust your instinct and keep a close eye on him. If he continues this fishy behavior, do not marry him. And don’t let him gaslight you into thinking there was nothing there. We have these instincts for a reason.
This is tricky. If you act too jealous and he is innocent, you might drive him away or into infidelity (”well I might just as well get some of whatever she is always accusing me of”). On the other hand the stopping a block away is sus. I think they probably hooked up or at least one of them wanted to.
Updateme
This doesn’t sit well. I have been the one out until 6-7 in the morning but my spouse knew exactly where I was and I was being honest. Was having a blast and went to an after bar.
The part that’s not great is the taking 1.5 hours to get home and a not drunk coworker (why is she still even out) drove him close to home but not home. Highly suspicious. Watch his behavior over the next few days. Texting more, hiding is phone, texting quickly while out of the room and just magically done before you walk back in, more or less affection than before. Going out more. Sorry I’ve been cheated on so I know these signs well.
Oh hell no. This is fishy. More importantly, you don’t trust him because of his behavior. Trust is essential. Rethink this engagement. Red flag.
The fact that he got defensive when you asked speaks volumes. When there is a doubt, there is no doubt. He was up to something, but he may not have done the deed with those other women. If he has nothing to hide, then he should have no problem giving you the names and numbers of the woman who drove him home so you can get her side of the story. It might have been that he felt this was his last chance at a fling since he was engaged. Now you have to decide what is acceptable behavior and it’s an opportunity to set some boundaries around honesty in your relationship. You have to decide if a little flirting or kissing is justification to call it off or if he did sleep with one of them, that’s a whole different story. Some red flags showing and if he’s a cheatin dog, best to find out now before you get married.
Thing is what he did was very inappropriate and for sure if this was reversed he’d be furious. Yet he’s annoyed she’s wondering about this and who these women are. I’d be leary if this happens again.
Nah he was cheating cause why she didn’t just bring him all the home Instead of leaving him at a random intersection ?
Updateme!
Here’s my take on it.
Me and my best friend are well known in our friend group to go on some wild benders. Some involve chicks some don’t. Usually the night goes on longer if there are chicks. But also most of the time it’s just me and him fucking around. We kept having a great time, I planned to get home around 2 but got home at 5 lol. Our record was 9 am for our craziest bender. The time passes you by if you’re having a great time.
The thing is usually there’s drugs involved but I’d always give updates, right away even. Doesn’t matter how fucked up I am I text back right away. Was he updating you through the night? Or did his phone go quiet at times even if you were texting him?
If it was a wild night I’d tell you every detail bc it’s just me and my friend. Sure there’s some degeneracy involved but I’d still tell you all of it. I’d have a great time telling you about our night. Storytelling. Pay attention to how he tells you about that night. If he’s avoiding eye contact or the details don’t really make sense, then something’s up. If the story changes here and there I’d just walk away. You don’t need the full truth. Just follow your gut. If he pulls the I don’t remember card just pay attention to body language and if you want go through his phone.
Updateme
I once was drunk as hell and it took me 2 hours to walk home what normally is a 5 minute walk. Yelling at streetlights, talking to other drunk people, taking a long break laying in the grass… I know, I was stupid….
How drunk was he?
And if he was not that drunk, could it have been a long conversation?
But yeah, it sounds odd!
Why would she drop him off a block away unless someone was hiding something. What is he 15 and afraid his mom will smell weed in the car?
Ask him in the morning what happened. When I was younger and used to drink too much I would have shame around it. Try to deny things & downplay events which it caused issues in my relationships.
Maybe when he wakes up, with a much deserved hangover in tow, he’ll be more forthcoming about what happened last night. Worst is he cheated, best is he got way too drunk and maybe took some substance he shouldn’t have and was ashamed to tell you about. And his drunken self thought he could lie his way out of it.
Just. Talk. Internet people can only cloud your judgement. You know your relationship and the person you’re marrying, talk to the sober version of themselves and hopefully all works out as it should.
—edited for spelling
Trust your gut. Someone in a relationship does not do this.
Going out drinking until 5 am with 2 random women? Sounds like GREAT husband material. A respectful man would have declined getting into the car with a woman and taken an uber home, or called his wife/fiance. He also would have come home at a reasonable hour. Dont even get me started on the rest… This whole story is nothing but red flags.
So many people focused on the small stuff and the timeline and blah blah…. I’m usually a stickler for the details, but not in this case. He went out partying or whatever with one other man and 2 women. What business does he have doing that? Even if he didn’t cheat, that was disrespectful to your relationship. Have some respect for yourself and don’t put up with that. And tbh it doesn’t take anyone 15 minutes to walk one block. For the sake of women everywhere please don’t let him gaslight and try to lie his way around things. There’s a damn good reason why he wanted to be dropped off that far away by this woman, and it isn’t going to be good.
He clapped some cheeks.