I (23transfem), dressed feminely in public for the first time recently because i was asked out on a date by, lets call him weirdo(29M). I met weirdo through a mutual friend, and he was very respectful to me and my identity, and expressed a desire to take me out on a date.
I have never had someone express interest in me like that before, and it made me happy and euphoric inside, so i accepted. We arranged the details shortly thereafter over text.
I immediately went out with some close friends to buy an outfit and some basic makeup, as i was determined to be my true authentic self for this date. I put together a really cute outfit just from goodwill, and shaved and everything too.
The day of the date comes about and things go well enough, but i kept seeing him staring at my chest when he thought i wasnt looking, and he kept trying to hold my hand and stuff. I gently told him that as an autistic person, while i like physical touch, im not comfortable with it from people who i dont know very well, and that i would prefer if he respected my space for now.
He was respectful and apologized, and the rest of the date goes off without a hitch, but i cant shake this feeling of discomfort deep within me.
We originally were going to go to 2 places, but at the end of the first, he gets a work call and has to go in, so he cuts it short. Fine with me.
At the end, I kinda lay it down for him, as i dodnt wanna lead him on. I basically say “hey, you were really sweet, thank you for taking me out. Im sorry but the physical attraction just isnt here for me.. Id love to keep being friends if you like but i just dont see a romantic relationship forming here..”
He was dissapointed but respectful, and i offered him a one-armed parting hug because i felt bad.
I go to my friends house to change back into masculine clothes (still living at home and parents are unsupportive), and i get a text from him.
He said that he was angry at me for offering a hug when i said i didnt like physical touch, and proceeded to call me a hypocrite, told me he never wanted to talk to or see me ever again, and even threatened to report me to my WORK BOSS if i dared to try and talk to him ever again.
The worst part of all of this to me, is that for some reason this whole thing gave me an intense sense of gender euphoria. The fact that i had experienced something that i see a lot of women post about, even if it was a negative experience, for some reason made me feel fulfilled in my identity??? Is that bad???? I dont know….
Thank you for reading.
TL;DR: My first date as a publicly out trans women was a weirdo.
Comments
I’m so sorry your first time was harsh. He was blowing you off when he got a “work call” and had to go…yea, not buyin it. Then you told him you weren’t interested, so to his man ego, you had the upper hand. So he goes crazy little toddler on you and throws a fit. Just block him and move on. Chalk it up to a bad date. You will have more, I promise. The best advice I can give you, is to be more confident in yourself before attempting to find someone. I’m afraid people will take advantage of you because you’re just beginning your new life and you’re still unsure. Find your style and new identity first. Good luck!
Like it or not, that’s definitely part of the experience of being a woman. It’s always trying to figure out the balance between keeping this guy from getting violent and respecting my own needs. It’s HARD! And it takes a long time to learn who you can trust. But you can always trust yourself.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Some men really do act so entitled and immature. I don’t think it’s weird that you’re experiencing gender euphoria at all, but I think you deserve to be treated 1000% better. I hope you didn’t get too discouraged by this and that you’ll get to go out on many wonderful dates in the future