Why can’t I just let it go?
I was talking to this girl for about 2 months.She was the one who was approaching me irl it was so obvious so I texted her and we hit it off.
Things were going quite good until she asked if I had a problem with guy friends. I said yes(due to previous bad experiences and she didn’t mind my answer).She brought up how a friend of a friend was approaching her and I told her that most of these dudes act like that and want to weasel their way in.She stonewalled me for a day after that.
Shit hit the fan the 3rd week when I bought her a gift and her dad saw it.Were both 20 but from a conservative culture so her dad was freaking out about it and brought up the religion thing as we’re both from different religions.She,as well,brought up the topic like 3 times before and I told her to stop it to not strain the relationship early on as I made it clear that i have no problem with it as long as i dont convert and she said the same and agreed with me but i dont think she was telling the truth cause she kept bringing it up.We already agreed on it so I didnt see the point in constantly bringing it up in 1 month.That seemed like an overreaction to me as I literally was honest with her and asked her if she had a problem with my preference.
So after that she wanted to talk irl and “slow it down”.She was actually so angry at me and I didn’t even comprehend why?Like I was very calm and collected up to that point.She told me that the religion thing is bothering her so much and needs to be solved very early and when I said what can I do she said “idk”.She was also bothered by me flirting this early all while she initiated physical contact(not sex) first which was ironic to me as she told me she did it because I had no balls to initiate it myself and it wasn’t that deep for her.She told me she I made her disgusted when I didn’t want her to walk 15 min home in a fucked up area and that she didnt appreciate the gift i bought her because it didnt come from me(i asked a mutual friend what she liked).The argument was over but I was so irritated by her.When we went up to another room she asked me why I was still annoyed and I let everything out and told her that shes the problem if shes had many failed relationships and pushed a chair.She took it as me called her a s*UT because of the “many”.I apologised immediately and she dismissed it.
I apologised the next day and she told me she was over it so I actually forgot about it and put it behind my back.She kept acting weird on text for 10 days straight she would still talk and initiate convos but not as much as before and we would still hangout irl and she still seemed interested but at the same time told me she needed some space.So i barely talked to her and I asked her if anythings still bothering her she should tell me and whatever decision she comes up with ill be very understanding(I asked her 2 separate times that week) and she replied that i was overthinking and im the one whos acting nonchalant. At the same time she would continue this behavior on text.
The last 2 days she didnt text at all until i did first and it was 2 texts per day.By the end i was very anxious by her acting weird as I literally didn’t know what the hell was going on and asked her for the final time and she said that she was not over what happened the last time. I told her that I already apologised 3 times about this and told her thats not what i meant by my comment and she told me that Im manipulating her cause that’s exactly what it meant and that my apologies are meaningless and she’s never gonna be the same anymore and told me that she wanted to take her time to understand my character more.
By that point the frustation of a week and all the things she said overwhelmed me and I immaturely blocked her which essentially ended things.She was very hurt by it and called and I unblocked her and we reconciled and she told me to act normal the next day and sit next to her.The next day came I went up and said hi and I didn’t sit next to her(totally forgot)cause she had her bag near her(she took it as me not acting normal) so she was upset cause of that and she blocked cause of that and refused to talk when i asked her how she was and I said ok nonchalantly.
I tried after a week and she told me that I didn’t try to talk to her as in i didn’t put in effort and that she wasn’t that into me and she’s never gonna forgive me.
(She sent me a bit of a spicy pic first week we started talking so I don’t know if she was manipulating me or what and just wanted something casual)
I feel like I sabotaged it and didn’t try hard enough and sit next to her or tried talking to her more. It’s been 2 moths and it barely lasted 2 month.Idk why but the first 3 weeks felt so intense and good and maybe that’s why I can’t move on.
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This sounds like a very emotionally heightened relationship with lots of ups and downs, restrictive parents, difficult religious challenges, jealousy and passion.
These kinds of emotions trigger all kinds of neurological responses in our brain. In an unemotional way, they’re exciting! We never know what’s going to happen next! Up and down, up and down – it’s like our own TV drama that we’re the star of.
It’s intoxicating and addictive and that’s why we watch crazy TV shows that are all over the top, it’s why we get invested in other people’s lives… and it’s why this relationship was so powerful.
From what you’ve written, this relationship did not sound healthy at all, but that does not change the fact that it was exciting and we all like excitement. We’re taught by tv and media that a relationship isn’t a real relationship unless there’s lots of drama – arguments and shouting and jealousy and insecurity – if that’s not there it’s not exciting and it’s not love – but calm, respectful relationships are actually more real and more healthy.
I’d suggest allowing your nervous system to calm down, spend some time just doing things for you, perhaps something where you’ll tire yourself out with mental challenges too.