I (21F) have a close friend, let’s call her jess. we’ve been friends for a couple years, never had any issues, and i’ve always supported her through everything. she started dating this guy, and at first, everything was fine. i was happy for her, and we all hung out a few times in group settings.
then i started noticing little things. her boyfriend would always sit next to me, ask me random questions, laugh way too hard at things i said. i got a weird vibe but ignored it. i wasn’t interested, and i tried not to be rude. but then jess started acting weird too. she’d make little passive-aggressive jokes about how guys “always love me” or how i “must love the attention.”
the final straw was last weekend. we were at a party, and i guess her boyfriend got drunk and told someone that he thought i was hot. i didn’t even hear it firsthand, but jess did. she pulled me aside and basically accused me of leading him on. i was completely caught off guard, like what?? i’ve barely spoken to him outside of when we were all together. but she kept going, saying i was always being too friendly, that i was acting like a “pick-me” around him.
i didn’t even know what to say. i wasn’t flirting, i wasn’t doing anything. i literally went out of my way to avoid being weird around them. now she’s barely talking to me, and i don’t even know if we’re still friends.
was i really wrong for this
Comments
I don’t consider “pick-me” a legitimate insult
Your friend sounds insecure and her problem is with her boyfriend but she would rather attack you than hold him accountable. You don’t deserve this. If you want to stay friends give her space till they inevitably break up and she’ll seek you out, hopefully to apologize.
if she’s the one that decided to bring her boyfriend then im not sure what she is angry about
This is typical for your age. Unless you are actively sticking up for your friend this was bound to be an issue
It’s even more “pick me” to confront the girl instead of her own boyfriend
By what you did said, you don’t are wrong. Your friend probably is having problems with her relationship. Her boyfriend saying that you’re hot or every time trying to get close to you isn’t normal, either appropriate. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is not only doing it to you.
If i was in your situation, i would try to know if anything is alright with her and tell that she offended you : “Is everything okay with you these days?” “Why did you called me a pick me? We already know each other for some time you know how i am. I got sad when you said it.” Be very passive about it, from what im feeling, if you try to accuse her, she will get defensive and rude.
And definitely keep distance from them from now on, the boyfriend and her, don’t get tangled on others people drama they will somehow find a way to blame you, you don’t need to be polite about it either, just don’t be directly rude, if they try to call you out just act like you don’t did consciously, give a small shy uncomfortable sorry and keep doing it.
Don’t let her pull you to her mess, and either blame you for the failure of her relationship.